Finding Our Way - One Shots
by living-daydreams
Summary: As series of one-shots of the Shepherd family throughout the years, spun off of my previously published story, "Finding Our Way."
1. Winter Vacations

**A/N: Hey guys! So I am currently right smack in the middle of finals' week at school, and thus I have had zero time to update my current story "Finding Our Way." But, my last exam is tomorrow, so expect me to devote some serious time to it come winter vacation :) Anyway, the idea for this one-shot came to me the other day while I was taking a study break, and I just decided to go with it...I felt like it needed to be written. It's a spin-off from Chapter 10 of FOW when Laurie talks about her trip to Yellowstone with her parents and grandparents. You can read this without having read FOW, but in terms of background information, reading the first few chapters of FOW first would probably be helpful. I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except for Laurie, who, I might add, is pretty cute as a 10 year old.**

* * *

**Winter Vacations**

**Lauren's POV**

"I think this seriously redefines my idea of cold," Mom says, teeth chattering, as we walk out of the airport in Jackson, Wyoming.

It's the middle of December, and, as of about a month ago, Mom's parents decided they needed to make a winter trip out to Yellowstone. According to my grandmother, since my parents are both working parents, they don't get out enough so it was only natural that we should go with them. Either that or Bizzy probably would have bargained to take just me, and well me being me, their "ever-charming only grandchild," it would have been hard to let her down. And I think Mom knew this, so here we are.

"Oh Addison stop complaining, the fresh air will do you some good," Bizzy says, in the middle of yelling at our driver to make sure the suitcases get loaded properly.

"Oh I can think of a lot of things that would do me some good," Mom mutters. Even though I'm only ten years old, I can tell she means alcohol, and lots of it.

"Let's just make sure your mother survives this week without getting an ulcer," Dad whispers to me, making me giggle. We've already been over this. I'm to be on my best behavior – "When am I ever not?!" I joked to Dad - and spare Mom any added stress. Her parents give her enough.

Unfortunately, Mom hears Dad whisper and me giggle, and puts two and two together.

"And just what are you laughing at?" She comes over and stands next to me, tickling my ribs.

I laugh again, louder this time as it starts to snow and a flake falls on my nose. "Nothing, nothing! Dad said it...Mom stop!"

As soon as I rat him out, Dad immediately puts a hand on the small of Mom's back and kisses her temple before she can give him "the look."

"It's only because we love you, honey," he says, and she nudges his arm, playfully.

"If you three are done playing around like immature teenagers, we're ready to go," Bizzy gives us a look. Her and the Captain, my grandfather, both slide in the middle row and I squeeze in between my parents in the back. Taking off my snow-covered hat, I rest my head against Dad's shoulder and snuggle into him to warm up. Before I know it I'm dozing off as we begin the drive to our cabin.

* * *

The word "cabin" is an understatement. This place is huge; five bedrooms (two master), four bathrooms, large windows in the living room that look out into the mountains, you name it, this place has it.

Later in the evening, once it's gotten dark and we're sitting around the dining room table having dinner, Dad tries to make nice. "Wow Bizzy, you've outdone yourself once again."

"Well don't thank _her_, thank my company. It's _their_ cabin," the Captain says before taking another sip of scotch. "So Lauren," he continues after taking a sip, intentionally not using my nickname – he and Bizzy never do. "How is school going?" I know how serious he is about education, since Mom and her older brother - my Uncle Archer - are both Ivy League graduates. And since the Captain is a doctor himself.

"It's good," I respond, in between bites of cooked carrot. "We had our state-wide tests a couple of weeks ago." Mom and Dad are looking at me now too, because I didn't tell them about this. "My teacher, she um, she said I tested at a 10th grade reading level." I blush and look down sheepishly, I've never really been one to brag about my being smart – Dad does enough of that for me – I've just always really loved school.

"Laurie!" Mom turns to me, smiling. "That's incredible, why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know," I say modestly. "It wasn't a big deal."

"Why of course it's a big deal," the Captain tells me from the end of the table. "You should never be afraid to show off your smarts, young lady. You'll go far in life." He nods at me.

"And you're still playing that ridiculous sport I assume?" Bizzy asks tartly, taking a sip of her wine.

"She enjoys it Bizzy, just leave her alone about it," Mom answers for me. Bizzy has always hated me playing soccer – she thinks it's not proper for a young lady to "run around in the mud."

"I want to play for Stanford one day," I tell my grandmother proudly.

"Hmm well at least you'll be attending a real school."

"Now what is that supposed to mean, Bizzy?" Mom interjects again. I can sense an argument brewing between the two of them, something I've seen all too many times, much to my parents' dismay.

"Just what I said dear. But let's not compare your daughter's prospects to your college education; that's all in the past now."

I can tell Mom is getting worked up by the clanking of her silverware that's getting increasingly louder.

"And Addison don't clank your silverware, it's not polite." Bizzy's talking to Mom like she's the 10 year old here, and it's starting to annoy me. Fortunately, Dad opens his mouth before I can say anything.

"Bizzy there is absolutely nothing wrong with Yale. Your daughter is brilliant, and if your granddaughter ever wants to go there, she'll be brilliant too. So let's just drop it, okay." It's more of a statement than a question, and I'm sure Mom appreciates it.

"Yeah, and I mean if soccer doesn't work out, I could always take up a singing career," I smirk.

The chorus of simultaneous "no's" throughout the room is like music to my ears. At least everyone can all agree on something, even if it is my tone-deaf vocal cords.

* * *

A few hours after dinner Bizzy and the Captain, and then Dad all decide to head up to bed. He and Mom are going skiing early tomorrow morning and he said he wanted to get "plenty of rest."

"Ha, you're just scared you'll get beat by a girl," Mom teased.

"I'll have you know _Dr. Shepherd_ that I was a very good skier back in my day, so no, not scared, just sleep deprived," Dad smirked and kissed her on the lips, long enough to make me turn my head in disgust.

"Honestly Addison look at the example you're setting for your daughter," Bizzy walked by, heading towards the stairs. "It's inappropriate the way the two of you are always-"

"_Bizzy!_" Mom interrupts her, eyes wide as quarters and jerking her head in my direction, as I sit on the couch with a book.

"Whatever dear, it's your fault not mine. Now I'm off to bed, the both of you goodnight."

Dad comes and kisses me on the forehead. "Goodnight, bookworm. Don't stay up all night."

"Night, Daddy," I giggle. "And I make no guarantees, it's Tolkien."

About an hour later Mom and I sit snuggled together on the couch in front of the fire, swaddled in a blanket with her arm wrapped behind me and around my middle. Looking out the window I notice it's snowing outside.

I've just finished Book I of the _Fellowship of the Ring_ when something I've been thinking about a lot lately pops into my head, and I can no longer keep it to myself. I close my book and wrap my arm around Mom.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?" She responds without taking her eyes off her page.

"Do you…I mean I was just wondering, do you think Rinny would have liked it here?" My voice gets quieter as I finish the question. I feel her stiffen slightly next to me, and she sets her book down, peering at me through the reading glasses perched on her nose. I don't mean to upset her, or anyone for that matter, by asking about my sister, but every time I travel to a new place, I can't help but wonder this.

"I…I think she would have, yeah," Mom sighs. I can tell the question caught her off guard.

"She'd always get so excited for Christmas, and she'd wake me up so early," I smile, remembering, and Mom lets out a small laugh, wrapping her other arm around me.

"I remember one year when we-" I start, but then cover my mouth with one hand as if I were giving away a secret, which I guess, in a way I am.

"When you what?"

"Oh nothing…" I giggle.

"Lauren Maureen," Mom tickles me, making me laugh some more.

"Mommy!"

"I'm not gonna stop until you tell me, you know."

"Okay, okay! That year when we made you the jewelry box and Daddy the coffee mug, well…Rin forgot to put them under the tree, so on Christmas morning she woke me up when it was still dark out and we snuck downstairs. She said we were just gonna put the presents under the tree and run back to our room in case Santa hadn't come yet, but when we got there he had already came and we…we didn't open anything but we picked through our stuff!" The last part comes out like one word, like I'm admitting to a crime, which I guess back then when I still believed in Santa, I would have been. "It was _her_ idea!"

"You did not!" Mom gasps dramatically as I look up at her and blush. She's smiling, but I can see her eyes glistening with unshed tears and I immediately feel bad for bringing up Rinny.

"Oh. Mom I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought her up." I lean my head against her chest.

"No, honey, it's fine," she sniffs and then kisses the top of my head, my red hair matching hers. "I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk about Rinny, even to me. Okay?" I nod against her chest.

"I miss her so much," I whisper. "She was my best friend. She wasn't supposed to leave me. She was supposed to drag me to those stupid ballet classes forever."

I can tell Mom is trying really hard not to cry in front of me, which only makes me feel worse. I appreciate her wanting me to talk to her, but I don't like seeing her like this.

"I know," she whispers so her voice won't betray her, and rubs my back gently. "I miss her too."

I close my eyes and hug Mom tighter, listening to her heartbeat. Being here makes me appreciate her more, since I have to witness firsthand the type of mother she was forced to grow up with. I am incredibly lucky. We stay snuggled together in silence for a while and I start to doze off, until another question comes up, one that I think will make her feel better.

"Mom?"

"What is it, baby?" She rubs my back.

"Could you maybe, teach me how to ski tomorrow? Please?"

She laughs and kisses my head again. "Why, I would love nothing more, Miss Shepherd."

I smile and start to doze again leaning against her. "Thanks. I love you."

"I love you, too." Mom rests her cheek against my head. I'm just about asleep when I hear her whisper something, thinking I'm already out.

"I hope you know how special you are to me, baby girl."

* * *

"Okay Laurie, now we've gone over the basics, and Mom's waiting for you at the bottom. Do you think you can get down by yourself?" Dad waits next to me on his skis as we stand at the top of the mountain's bunny hill. I let out a breath, some of it fogging up the inside of my goggles.

"I think so."

"You think or you know?" He's testing me, like he does when I'm stuck on a tough math problem.

"I know," I tell him after a moment. "But all of this gear makes me feel like the abominable snowman." I pull at my very puffy ski jacket and Dad chuckles.

"Just remember if you feel yourself falling try to lean so that you fall facing up the mountain. But we're not gonna think about that, because that's not gonna happen," he winks at me.

"Um, Dad, I saw _you_ fall on this hill like an hour ago. Mr. I-was-a-very-good-skier-back-in-my-day…and I've already fallen seven times. Who's to say it won't happen again?" I'm nervous.

"Well, I say it's not going to happen again because as of right now, I'm enforcing a new law. You're only allowed to fall on this mountain seven times, and you've already done that, so you're set." I give him a look, which he ignores.

"Now on the count of three you're gonna go, and I'll follow behind you, okay?"

"Okay. I'm ready."

A little more encouragement and a count to five later, and I'm off. Trying my hardest to keep at an angle and not plummet straight down, I feel almost as though I'm flying. The sky is a clear blue and the air is so crisp, I know I'd be able to see my breath if my mouth wasn't covered up. As I pick up speed, I feel as though nothing can touch me, nothing can hurt me. I hear Dad cheering in the background from the top of the hill.

About halfway down, I pass a group of young kids in a ski lesson. A couple of them glance at me and smile and I smile back through the scarf covering my mouth, as if they were silently encouraging me. I'm a little wobbly, but so far no falling. I feel like nothing can make me fall now.

Almost a minute later, I see Mom at the bottom waving at me. Still in her skis, she leans against one of her poles. As I get closer to the bottom, I yell her name, willing her to watch, even though I already know she'll never take her eyes off of me.

"You're almost there, Laurie!" She shouts as I get closer.

I try to slow myself down, listening to the smooth sound of my skis against the snow. I can't believe how nervous I was for this – it's so exhilarating. Turning into a stop, I immediately unclip my boots and run over to Mom, who does the same. The adrenaline has me on a high.

"I did it!" I shout, as I run into her arms and tackle hug her to the ground.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart," she smiles, lying down next to me and wiping snow from her eyes. "I knew you could do it."

I turn towards her. "Yeah, I was starting to think I was eating more snow than skiing on it. Turns out, skiing on it is so much more fun."

Just then, Dad meets us at the bottom and unclips his boots, lying down on the ground and sandwiching me between him and Mom.

"So ladies, what's the verdict?"

"It looks like we have a little pro on our hands," Mom says proudly. "She did it, no falls, no nothing."

"Really? Well sign her up for the next Winter Olympics."

"Oh very funny," I nudge his arm. "But first, let's head back up to the top." I sit up. "I wanna race you."

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**Thanks for reading! Reviews would make this week so much better :)**


	2. Cabin at the Lake

**A/N: One-shot number two, a spin-off of chapter 14, when Laurie talks about their family vacations to the cabin at the lake. Enjoy! P.S. I am officially on winter vacation now, so expect more updates of things! (Hopefully...haha). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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**Cabin at the Lake**

**Addison's POV**

"But you said the next time we played that _I_ could have the pink card!" I hear Laurie tell her sister from my chair across the room.

We've been at our cabin upstate for almost a week now, and every day has been perfect July weather – giving us plenty of time at the lake – until today. It's been raining all afternoon, and the girls are stuck inside playing their fifth round of Candyland Bingo on the living room floor. Apparently, things are getting feisty.

"I did not!" Rinny counters.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"But you always – "

"Girls!" I interrupt them, looking up from a book on premature labor and some files from a patient whose baby I just delivered at 30 weeks last week. As fourth-year residents, Derek and I not only have our own interns to boss around now, but we've also chosen our specialties, mine being primarily obstetrics. My daughters' bickering is few and far between, but I'm still in no mood to listen to it.

"But Mom, she said I could have the pink card!"

"Rinny, did you say that?" I look at her, straight-faced.

"Yes," she says quietly and looks at the floor.

"Well then, it's Laurie's turn to have the pink card, and you need to apologize to her."

"Fine. Sorry Laurie," Rinny hands her the card and scoots over to give her a hug.

"Now no more fighting," I return to my files.

"But…why?" Laurie asks me. "We're sisters, we're supposed to fight." She playfully shoves her sister and they laugh.

"Because I'm your mother and I said so," I joke.

"Mom card…" Rinny mutters, as they start another game. It's quips like that that only further remind me that my children are five going on twenty-five. Moments later Derek comes back, having gone for a run in the rain.

"Well, this looks like fun in here," he kisses me and goes over to sit with Laurie and Rinny. "Who's winning this time?"

"Laurie," Rinny huffs. "Again."

"Mommy, why couldn't I go outside? Daddy got to go outside!" Laurie turns to me, ignoring her sister. She had been looking forward to taking the soccer ball out with Derek all of yesterday evening before the rain started.

"That's because Daddy isn't afraid of catching pneumonia." Derek looks at me and I raise an eyebrow.

"What's pneumonia?" Laurie asks.

"It's like a bad cold, honey," Derek says. "You don't want to catch it. But your mommy is delusional."

I raise my eyebrow even higher, but eventually the boyish look on his face makes me laugh.

"Daddy, you're gonna get me all wet!" Rinny giggles as Derek scoops her and Laurie up into his lap.

"Oh I am, am I?" He kisses her cheek multiple times.

"Daddy stop, your face tickles!"

He moves over to kiss Laurie's cheek.

"Do you think my face tickles too?"

"Yes, yes, Daddy stop!" She laughs.

"Okay, okay, you guys win. I'm gonna go dry off, but don't start the next round without me!" He sets them down and goes to shower. When the girls aren't looking Derek turns to me as he's walking down the hall, pointing to the bathroom and mouthing "later." I smirk at him, raising another eyebrow, this time seductively. The look he gives me in return tells me that the shower he's going to go take will most likely be cold.

"Bingo!" I hear Laurie call. Apparently she's won another game.

"Oh I give up," Rinny huffs. "We need a new game."

"Sore loser!" Laurie sticks her tongue out and they giggle.

It's times like these where I feel incredibly thankful for the life, and family, that I have.

* * *

"What do you think about Elizabeth, for a girl?" Derek asks me, sitting in bed, propped up against a pillow with the same baby name book we used for the twins. The rain that started this afternoon has picked up, as it's now hitting the window. "We could call her Lizzie, for short."

"Derek, you do realize that I'm not actually pregnant yet, right?" I chuckle, sliding into bed beside him and setting the book on premature labor I had been studying on the nightstand. "And besides, we already have a Laurie; do we really want another 'L' nickname?"

"No I guess you're right, Elizabeth is too popular anyway," he flips the page.

"And you never know, the next one could be a boy," I add.

"Oh man, Rinny with a little brother? Now that I'd like to see," Derek laughs. "She'd be forcing him to play dress-up with her before he could even walk."

I lean against his chest, running a finger along the soft fabric of his white t-shirt. "There is nothing wrong with a boy playing dress up," I tell him. Derek gives me a look.

"Fine, _if_ we have a boy, I will make sure that he gets time to go roll around in the mud with you and Laurie."

"That's all I ask," he kisses the side of my head. "And we don't 'roll around in the mud,' it's called playing _soccer_ in the rain."

"And when you're walking inside on _my_ carpet, it's mud."

"Well I'll tell Laurie to keep that in mind," Derek jokes and I nudge him.

"So any ideas on names for a boy?" I ask, peering at the page he has open. "I like Hayden, or Carson."

"Addie you bargained to name Rinny Carson. You can't have it both ways, it's either a girl's name or a boy's name."

"No, it works for a girl or a boy, that's why I like it," I tell him.

"Okay fine, I will consider Hayden or Carson. But only if you consider Derek Junior," he smirks at me, and I laugh.

"Have I mentioned you're starting to sound more and more like Mark every day?"

"I'm still twice as good-looking though, right?"

"Oh, honey of course you are," I smirk and start to kiss along his jaw and run my hand over his chest. He still smells slightly of musk and it's kind of a turn on.

"Hmm, Addie…" Derek smiles, running a hand up and down my back as I move my lips down to his neck. The rain is hitting the window harder now, and I find the background noise strangely comforting. He uses his other hand to tilt my chin, forcing me to stop and look at him.

"What do you say we try for that baby again tonight?" He whispers, raising an eyebrow.

"Well if you say so, who am I to deny my husband?" I press my lips against his and immediately take control, sitting up to straddle him. Leaving one hand on my hip, he moves the other to my breast and begins massaging it, eliciting an almost-too-loud moan from me.

"But we have to be quieter this time – and by 'we' I mean 'you' – unless you _want_ to wake up our five year olds…and if that happens I'll make sure _you're_ the one answering their questions."

"Derek, come on, I am not _that_ loud," I tease, reaching down to pull my shirt off slowly, only to torture him further. Once I'm topless, he just gapes. Immediately, I can feel his arousal against me, and it takes a lot of effort not to come right then and there.

"Derek?" I prod.

"Wha-what?" he says, not taking his eyes off me.

"Me; I'm not _that_ loud, am I?" I whisper seductively and lean down to kiss him on the mouth as he wraps his arms around me.

"Hmm, no, no of course not…"

"That's what I thought you said." Not long after that, thunder starts rolling in the distance and clothes are being shed. I link Derek's fingers with mine and begin to move my hips against his, tantalizingly slow. The lights flicker out as the storm grows closer, but neither of us notices. Moving together, we exist in a world made entirely of the two of us.

* * *

It's still dark outside when I wake up to a loud clap of thunder and the sound of two crying little girls. As sleepy as I am, this doesn't surprise me; neither of my children like thunderstorms. My head nestled against Derek's chest, I groan, still groggy.

"Mommy!" I hear Rinny cry from her and Laurie's room across the hall.

"Mmm Derek," I mumble against his chest.

"What?" He groans, still asleep.

"You need to put some clothes on. The girls woke up from the storm and will probably want to come in here." I sit up and slide on my clothes as quickly as possible in the dark. Derek fumbles around on the other side of the bed as the storm continues.

"Mommyyyy!" Rinny calls again, and I immediately feel a tug at my heartstring, hearing how scared she sounds.

"I'm coming, Rin!" I call, walking out the door and into their room. Actually seeing them, both in the same bed, arms wrapped around one another with the blanket covering them up to their little noses, gave that same heartstring another little tug. Laurie is staring up at me with wide, puffy-red eyes, and Rinny is still crying.

"Hey guys," I say quietly, hoping my smile will make them feel better.

They respond by covering their heads completely with the blanket and squealing as another flash hits. I put my hand on Laurie's back before pulling the blanket down so I can see their heads again.

"I don't like this," Laurie whines.

"I know, honey. Do you want to come sleep with Daddy and me?" I run the back of my hand along Rinny's cheek, wiping away some stray tears. The both nod and sit up.

"Come here," I open my arms and scoop the both of them up, kissing their little cheeks.

When we cross the hall into Derek's and my bedroom, there's another flash and loud clap of thunder, and Laurie quickly jumps out of my arms and into bed, snuggling up to Derek. Still about 90 percent asleep, he mumbles something but then as if by instinct he turns around to face her, wrapping an arm around our daughter and she burrows her head right underneath his chin.

I stand there, still holding Rinny and rubbing her back; she's having a hard time calming down. She's always been the more dramatic of the two, but this is different – this is a legitimate fear. She takes deep breaths, and more tears come out as the claps continue. Before the next one can hit, however, I turn around and carry her out to the chair in the cabin's small living room, so as not to wake the others. Settling her on my lap, I pull a blanket over us and wrap my arms around her – one gently covering her exposed ear, and the other rubbing soft circles on her back, to steady her breathing. Rinny chokes on a sob as one rumble rattles the window.

"You're okay, baby, you're okay," I whisper over and over again. I hold her tight enough so that she can't scoot completely underneath the blanket at the next clap, and tight enough so that she knows I would never let her go.

"Mommy, why is the storm so angry?" She mumbles against my chest, after her breathing has slowed down. "It scares me. Andrew in my class last year told me that one time he saw it thunder so bad that a twisty-thing came out of the sky and ate up a whole house! I don't want a twisty-thing to come out of the sky and eat our house!" She's trembling.

"Shhh, honey everything's going to be okay. I think sometimes it just needs to rain. But do you wanna know what I love the most about thunderstorms?" I ask. Rinny immediately moves her head from my chest and gives me a look, completely floored that someone could "love" anything about thunderstorms.

"What?"

"If you look closely enough, when the storm is over, you can always see a rainbow."

"Every time?" She looks at me with wide eyes.

"For as long as I can remember," I nod.

"But it's dark outside right now."

"Well then we will just sit here until the sun comes out." I run my fingers through her dark hair as she cowers from another clap. They're less often now, the storm is passing.

"We can't sit here all night, Mom," Rinny says to me like I'm crazy. I chuckle.

"Sure we can, and then I'll show you that rainbow."

"Okay, if you say so." She squeezes her eyes shut and wraps her little fingers around my hand, like she used to do as an infant.

"Just sleep, baby girl. I'll wake you up when I see it." I kiss the top of her head.

"You promise?"

"I promise. From now on, whenever I see a rainbow, I'll think of you. And I'll tell you."

* * *

**Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Absence

**A/N: Another one-shot for y'all. I apologize for the lack of updates to FOW, but these ideas are just coming to be one after another and I can't ignore them. haha. This is from chapter 2 when Laurie mentioned Derek missing a banquet where Addison was presented with a prestigious award for an experimental surgery. Please ignore this boring summary though because the actual story is so much more meaningful to the Addek marriage. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**Absence**

**Lauren's POV**

I feel awkward as I stare at myself in the body-length mirror on the inside of my closet door. First of all, what is that mirror even doing in here? And second, dresses are most definitely not my thing. I'm a soccer player, and that basically means all I ever do is exercise. Unfortunately, that also means that I have absolutely no body fat, and no curves whatsoever. However, it also doesn't help that my parents passed down the tall gene, so here I am at 5'10" and only 135 pounds.

I'll say it again. Dresses look hideous on me.

This particular one, however, I have no chance of getting out of, in more ways than one. Tonight is the Mt. Sinai hospital banquet at the Four Seasons where my mother will be presented with some prestigious award she won for performing an experimental surgery successfully on conjoined twins in the womb. It's black tie, and a very fancy affair to say the least. Luckily, the event is also plus-one, so Mom said it was okay for me to bring Logan, my boyfriend for the past six months, and friend for much longer. At least this way he gets to suffer with me.

I pick at the fabric of the one-shouldered, floor-length lavender dress. A Badgley Mischka, it has sequins along the shoulder and around the chest, and hugs the waist rather tightly, again showing off my lack of curves. I remember going with Mom to pick it out.

"Mom, this is for an event with the people you work with. You see them every day. Why are you acting like we're going shopping for the Oscars?"

"_Because_ it's black tie. And besides, who doesn't like to get all glammed-up every once in a while?"

"Um, me," I tell her as she pokes through a rack of evening gowns at Saks.

"Laurie, please. I'm only doing this because I know if I didn't bring you here, you would show up wearing jeans and a t-shirt."

"Yeah, that's because I look hideous in dresses," I say as I run my hand over a silky green one.

"Honey, you couldn't look hideous if you tried. Here, go try this one on." She hands me the one-shouldered lavender one.

"Fine," I sigh.

"Oh, prom dress shopping with you is going to be so much fun," Mom smirks.

"Ha, don't even think about it," I give her a look before closing the dressing room door. Here goes nothing.

Still standing in front of my full-body mirror, I run a hand over the ringlets in my hair. My best friend Hannah had come over this afternoon and helped me put in the curlers. Needless to say, after she was finished the both of us could not stop laughing at my appearance for a solid half-hour; the two of us are both notorious for being tom-boys and therefore not doing shit like this to our hair.

"Well, this is as good as it's gonna get," I tell my reflection, as my Blue October CD plays in the background. Putting on one last coat of red lipstick, I hear my phone buzz on my nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe." It's Logan. "You almost ready?"

"Yeah, just finished getting dressed. You almost here?" He and Dad are both supposed to meet me at the house so we could go to the event together. We agreed to meet up with Mom there, since she has to go early to practice her speech.

"Gimme about ten more minutes, traffic is a bitch tonight. Is your Dad there yet?"

"No," I sigh. "But he should be. I think I'm gonna call him after we hang up. If he misses this thing tonight, my mom will kill him. No joke."

"Seriously, I would not want to get on the wrong side of that woman. You redheads are so feisty." Logan says, and I laugh.

"Feisty or not, just wait until you see me in this stupid dress, I look ridiculous."

"No way, babe. You look hot in anything, trust me." I can practically hear him wink.

"Well you're delusional, but I'll see you in about ten minutes."

"Stay classy, Laur."

"You know it."

We hang up, and, slipping into my obnoxiously high cream-colored heels and putting on my coat, I head downstairs and dial Dad's cell.

"Hello?" He answers in a harried voice, like he's in a hurry to get somewhere.

"Dad! Where are you? We're supposed to leave in like fifteen minutes and you're not even home yet."

"Oh hey, Laurie. I'm uh, I'm actually not going to be able to make it tonight."

"WHAT?!" I practically shout at him. "Mom's been practicing this speech for weeks, and you said you'd be there. She _needs _you to be there."

"I know, I know sweetheart, but I just had this trauma patient come in…part of the left side of the skull is bashed in…it's not good."

Normally this kind of thing would interest me, but now I am just angered. How could he back out of this?

"Anyway, tell your mother I'm sorry for me, okay? But I have to get going now, I'm supposed to be in surgery in five. Have fun tonight, love you!"

"Wait, Dad-"

But before I can finish, he's hung up. I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling, letting out an annoyed sigh. So not only is Dad backing out of probably one of the most important events of Mom's career, but he's putting it on me to tell her? Oy. I can already tell this is not going to be a fun evening.

Moments later the doorbell rings and Logan greets me with a kiss on the lips.

"What did I tell you? Beautiful as always," he twirls me as I blush.

"Well you're not so bad yourself," I straighten his tie, which matches the lavender of my dress.

"So where's the male Dr. Shepherd?" He asks me.

"He bailed."

"Seriously? Does your mom know?"

"That would be a nugatory, captain," I sigh. "I just called him. He said some big surgery came up with a trauma patient and he can't leave. So it's up to me to tell her he won't be there."

"Oh man…" Logan rubs his forehead.

"Tell me about it," I nod. "But we should probably get going. Are you okay with driving?"

"No problem Laur," he holds out his hand to me. "Just because your dad's missing out doesn't mean we have to." I grab my purse and we head out the door into the September evening.

* * *

"Well if it isn't the gorgeous Laurie," my Uncle Mark comes up to me as Logan and I enter the conference and events ballroom at the Four Seasons Hotel.

"Hey Uncle Mark," I smile, hugging him as he kisses my cheek. "And not gorgeous, just uncomfortable. How women can dress like this more than once every ten years is beyond me."

He chuckles. "One day Laurie you will learn that sometimes the more uncomfortable, the better," he says as he eyes a big-busted blonde who just walked by. I roll my eyes. "And Logan, how's it going, man? Still treating my favorite niece right, I expect?" He gives Logan a hard stare.

"Of course, sir," he shakes Mark's hand. "My girl here deserves the best." He kisses the side of my head as we walk to our table.

"Where's Mom?" I ask Uncle Mark. So far, my mother is nowhere to be seen in here.

"Oh she's probably in the ladies room, trying not to have a panic attack. Probably best to let her be for now. Is Derek here?"

I sigh, and give Uncle Mark a look as I take off my coat and we sit down, a look that he can read almost immediately.

"Oh," he says.

"Yeah, and it's my job to tell Mom."

"Oh man, I'm sorry kiddo. If you want, I can always-"

"No, no. They're my parents, and this could very easily turn into my mess too, so I should deal with it. But thanks," I give him a small smile.

"I'm here for you, kid," Mark squeezes my hand. It's times like this where I'm especially thankful for him.

"So, how's school going?"

"Kind of stressful right now, with starting AP classes, soccer, and then studying for my driver's test in three months, but it's good. I like being busy," I tell him.

"Super Woman, as usual," he laughs.

A few minutes later Uncle Mark and Logan are in deep conversation about the Yankees when I notice Mom walking towards us from the entryway. Locking eyes with her, she gives me a smile. I stand up to greet her.

"Hey you," she pulls me into a hug. "Oh honey, you look so beautiful," she runs a hand over my curls. "And I don't want to say I told you so, but…"

"You're gonna say it anyway," I finish, and she gives me a look. "But look at you, Mom," I smile, gesturing to her strapless maroon-colored evening gown. "You look amazing." Really though, she's what I wished I look like in a dress, even if she's 38 and I'm 15.

"Well thank you, baby girl," she kisses my temple before setting the note cards for her speech down at the table, her seat next to mine. I pick up a card.

"So this is the speech, huh?" I ask, the both of us still standing.

"The one and only."

"How are you feeling? No vomiting on stage, remember."

"Nope, no vomiting yet. But seriously, I'm good. I figure, if I can actually _do_ the surgery, then I should sure as hell be able to go up there and talk about it," she says.

"Good point," I say. "And we're all proud of you no matter what," I wrap an arm around her shoulders and kiss her cheek. Anything to get her in a good mood before I have to break the unfortunate news about Dad.

"Hey, speaking of we, where's your father?"

Crap, that came sooner than I expected. Mom moves to sit down, smiling at Logan and Uncle Mark.

"Umm, Mom, maybe we should go…get some iced tea or something," I point toward the long table of beverages against the wall.

"Oh, no honey I'm fine. I really don't want to-"

"Mom, please. It looks good and I'm _really_ thirsty," I'm really hoping she gets the hint.

"Okayy then…" She stands back up and we walk over.

"So you and I both know this isn't about the iced tea," Mom says as we walk over to the long table. "Anything you wanna share with the class, Laurie?"

"Umm, yeah," I bite my lower lip. "It's about Dad."

"Oh yeah, where is he?"

"He's um…well I called him a little earlier because he was late getting home and he said…Mom he's not coming." I feel like my words are cutting her like knives and I hate it.

Her eyes immediately well up, her mouth opening and lower lip trembling slightly, but she composes herself quickly. She always tries her hardest not to cry in front of me.

"What um, what did he say?" She clears her throat.

"He was still at the hospital when I called, and he said something about a trauma patient with part of his scull bashed in. He was going into surgery right away," I say quietly. "Mom, I'm so sorry…"

"No, no it's fine," she clears her throat again and forces a smile. "We're just gonna, we're gonna get through this evening, and I'm gonna do my speech, and we're all gonna be fine."

"Mom…" I give her a sympathetic look and place a hand on her arm. I wish she would just let herself cry.

"Laurie, I am fine," she turns and walks back toward our table. "I'm just gonna read over my cards one more time. I'm fine, I'm fine."

Her voice quiets to a whisper as she repeats to herself how fine she is, even though the both of us know she's lying.

* * *

"Addison, I am too tired to deal with this right now!" Dad shouts from his and Mom's bedroom down the hall.

He just got home about ten minutes ago and that fight I had been expecting to happen between him and Mom about tonight's banquet is currently in full throttle. I lay in my bed facing away from the door with my headphones in, trying to block them out, but it's not working. Tears trickle down my face almost involuntarily as I hear the two people I love the most throw so much anger at one another. I cuddle Winston, my teddy bear since I was three, close.

"You didn't even bother to call _me_ tonight to tell me that you weren't going to be at the banquet! The banquet that I had been preparing for for WEEKS and that you SAID YOU WERE GOING TO BE AT!" Mom's crying.

"So what do you want me to do?! Leave someone to die just because you have another function to go to?"

But this wasn't just any function.

"This wasn't just any 'function!' And someone else could have done that surgery! You're not God, Derek!"

"Addie, I said I was sorry, what else do you want from me?" Dad's voice is getting tired.

"I want you to _care_! Your daughter wanted you there tonight too, you know."

Oh Mom, please don't involve me in this.

"God, would you please not involve Laurie in this? This conversation is over, Addison.

"Fine, then you can sleep in the guest room tonight!"

"You know what, fine. If you're going to act like this, then…fine. Goodnight." I hear a door slam.

By this point I'm sitting up in bed, unable to sleep. But I have a feeling I won't be the only one not sleeping well tonight. I stand up and pace for a few minutes, eventually picking up my picture of Rinny that I keep on my nightstand. It's of her on our sixth birthday, and she's grinning at the camera with both of her top front teeth missing - one of my favorite photos of her that I'm sure, were she still alive today, we would be making fun of together.

"What are we gonna do with them, Rin?" I ask her picture.

I really don't want to involve myself in this, but at the same time I can't just sit in here and pretend like nothing is wrong. Quietly, I peek my head out my bedroom door. The door to the guest room is shut – Dad must have slammed it – and the door to my parents' room is cracked.

I set down Rinny's picture and walk down the hall to the guest room, knocking lightly.

"I'm not in the mood, Addison," Dad calls from inside.

"It's me," I say quietly.

A moment later, Dad opens the door, looking tired.

"Daddy, what is going on with you?" I immediately ask him the question that's been burning in my brain. "Why couldn't someone else have done that surgery?"

"Honey, it's complicated…"

"Well it can't be that complicated, seeing how there are at least a dozen other neurosurgeons who have privileges at your hospital."

"Laurie, this is just the way things worked out tonight. I wish I could change it, but I can't. The hospital needed me tonight, and I had to be there, despite what you or your mother might think. I can't just back out of my job when there's a patient who needs me, especially if I want to be promoted to Chief of Surgery by the end of the year," he runs a hand through his hair, sitting on the bed.

"But what about when Mom needs you?" I whisper. "Dad, I can deal with you missing my soccer games to save someone's life, but you're her husband and she needed you for moral support. And not that you asked, but she rocked that speech tonight."

"Alright Laurie, that's enough. This isn't any of your concern anymore, this is between your mother and me."

"Fine," I say, giving in. "But next time, don't ask me to tell Mom you can't make it to something. Call her yourself."

"I know. I'm sorry for asking you to do that, honey," he looks at his hands.

"It's okay," I walk over and sit next to him, pulling my knees to my chest. "You were in a hurry, I know. I just wish you would have been there with us tonight. Logan matched his tie with my dress and everything," I give Dad a small smile.

"I knew he had to be good for something," he jokes, and I bump my shoulder against his, before leaning my head against him.

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Buddy. Now go get some sleep," he kisses my temple.

As I leave the guest room and shut the door behind me, I still feel unsatisfied with this evening. Dad still did wrong, Mom is still upset, and there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it. I very quietly open the door to my parents' bedroom. The light is off and Mom is lying down faced away from the door. If she's not already asleep, she's pretending. Looking at her makes my chest ache.

Taking a deep breath, I walk over to her. Kneeling beside her, I notice her eyes are closed. I pull the blanket up to her shoulders and she stirs slightly, mumbling something.

"I'm so sorry, Mommy," I whisper as I tuck her hair behind her ear and rub the back of my hand along her soft cheek. Even though she's sleeping, her eyes are still puffy. I hate seeing her in pain.

"I'm so sorry I can't fix this for you."

* * *

**I hope you liked. Review please :)**


	4. Twins

**A/N: So I was literally lying in my bed at around 1am trying to fall asleep when the inspiration to write this one-shot finally hit me. I think once you read the first few sentences you can figure out what it's about :) Basically, I just love this family. Enjoy! And by the way, I updated FOW like three-ish days ago, so feel free to check that one out too :)**

* * *

**Twins**

**Addison's POV**

**April, 1989**

"Addie, you've been sick for over three days now, as your husband, I really think you should go see a doctor."

"Derek, I'm fine, really. It's probably just a bug that's been going around school or something," I tell him, for what feels like the fifth time. It's the middle of the night, and once again, I'm sitting in the dark on the bathroom floor, resting my head against the toilet after a lovely bout of vomiting.

"Okay fine then, as a fellow med. student, I _insist_ that you go see a doctor," Derek comes and sits on the edge of the bathtub, massaging my shoulders.

"Mmm," I groan, letting my head fall back against his chest. "That feels good."

"I really hate seeing you like this," he mumbles against my hair. "So, please…tomorrow, just humor me, okay? And at least _consider_ the possibility that you might be…you know…"

I roll my eyes.

"Okay, okay fine. Tomorrow I will call my doctor and see if she can squeeze me in. But honey," I turn my head to look at him a little too quickly and wince at the sudden movement. "I promise you, it's just the flu. I don't think this means what you think it means."

"But you said just yesterday that you haven't had your period yet this month, and 'this month' ends in two days. And you know," he whispers, wrapping his arms around my shoulders from behind and kissing my temple. "We did go away that one weekend last month," he kisses my temple again. "And you're glowing."

"As fun as that weekend was, I'm on the pill. And I'm a med. student, a missed period could be due to…stress. And for the record, Mr. Shepherd, I'm always glowing," I wink.

"You know, for someone who's interested in going into Obstetrics one day, I shouldn't be the one telling you that the pill isn't 100 percent effective," he says. "And stress? Really Addie?"

"Yeah well, this time everything worked just fine because there is absolutely no way that I'm pregnant," I stand up slowly to brush my teeth before heading back to bed.

"Well that my love, is yet to be determined," he stands up behind me, putting an arm around my waist and kissing my shoulder. "Think about it, a little Derek or Addison running around, with your hair and my eyes, or my hair and your eyes…"

"Derek, the only thing I wanna think about right now is going back to bed," I yawn, heading back into the bedroom.

"I'm telling you I'm right on this one," he smirks, crawling back into bed behind me and wrapping an arm around my middle.

"Mmm yeah okay. We'll have this discussion again in ten years, _after_ we've both become doctors," I mumble, closing my eyes.

Derek chuckles.

"Right. I look forward to it."

* * *

**Derek's POV**

**April, 1989**

"Mark, do you have a second? Thanks." I spot my best friend walking along the east wing of campus and grab his arm, dragging him over to a bench in the courtyard. Luckily, Columbia isn't exactly a small school, so the chances of me running into anyone else Addison or I know is pretty slim.

"Whoa, slow down man, you look like someone just told you the Red Sox just lost to the Yankees. Again," he smirks.

"Oh ha ha," I pull off my book bag and sit down. "No, this is serious. Addison might be pregnant." The words spill out before I even remember to keep my voice down.

"What?! Are you serious? Addie's pregnant?! That was quick," he mutters.

"I said might. _Might_ be pregnant."

"But still that's, that's…judging by the look on your face, not good?"

"No no, it's good I just…last night she was sick for the third night in a row. Addie never gets sick like that, and I don't know, I have this feeling."

"Good feeling, or run-for-the-hills feeling?"

"Very funny. Last night I told her this could be a good thing, having a little Derek or Addison running around, and she said we would 'have this conversation in ten years, _after_ we've both become doctors.' I mean I thought this could be a good thing, but she managed to get an appointment with her doctor later this afternoon because I asked her to just to be sure, and now that she did…man, I'm scared shitless. What if I'm not ready to be a father?"

"Well I hate to tell you this buddy, but if that stick turns blue this afternoon, you're gonna be a father whether you like it or not," he pats my back.

"But what if I'm not _ready_?"

"Look, this is coming from the guy who knows absolutely nothing about fatherhood…"

"Yeah, or staying with one woman for more than three days," I scoff.

"But if it turns out Addie is pregnant, I bet you the moment you hold that kid in your arms you'll know what to do. You're good together, you and her. You'll figure it out."

"Wow, Mark, that was surprisingly profound for you. I'll have to write that down so I don't forget it."

"But I'm still right. Kills you to admit it, doesn't it?" he chuckles. "Listen, I gotta get to class, but let me know how this afternoon goes. And hey, I get to be the Cool Uncle, right?" He stands up to leave.

I stand up and pat his shoulder.

"I don't think anyone could do a better job of that than you, Mark."

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**April, 1989**

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Meyers," I tell my OB/GYN as I pull myself up to sit on the examination table and Derek sits in a chair in the corner of the room.

"Anything for my favorite med. student," she smiles. "Learn anything interesting today?"

"Neuro Anatomy class. I can tell you right now that's _not_ going to be my specialty," I sigh.

"Hey," Derek pipes up in the corner.

"I'm sorry honey, it's just so…"

"Don't worry," Dr. Meyers looks at me. "Wasn't really my thing either," she winks. "So, what do we have you in for today?"

"Well, I've been feeling sick for the past few days, vomiting and such, and I missed my period this month, so…"

"You think you might be pregnant." It's more a statement than a question.

"Yes," I tell her. "Kind of unfortunate timing though, to be honest."

"These things can almost never be timed perfectly," she jots a few notes down in my chart. "Sometimes babies just happen. I had my oldest son the first year into my residency, which just so happened to be the year my husband was planning on taking the Bar, and we managed. So I get where you're coming from, Addison. But before we jump to any further conclusions I'm going to need to take some blood, and have you take a pregnancy test for me."

"Okay," I sigh, leaning back against the wall and letting my feet dangle over the table.

After Dr. Meyers took a couple of blood samples, I sit on the toilet in the bathroom at the doctor's office, trying to generate enough pee to make this stupid stick tell me I'm not pregnant.

"This is so silly," I mutter after standing up and setting the pregnancy test on the counter to wait. Yeah, Derek and I probably had sex that weekend more times than…well it doesn't matter. The point is that this is the worst timing possible. Both Derek and I are still in school, and have a ton on our plates. No, there is no way in hell that I'm…

…pregnant.

Oh my God. I stare at that little pink plus sign, feeling my eyes widen. Standing there, leaning against the counter, I immediately go over everything I just thought again. Derek was right and I was wrong; I _am_ going to have a baby.

Feelings of anticipation come over me all of the sudden, and I place a hand on my still-flat abdomen. There's actually a baby in there, and most likely once I go back out there and tell Dr. Meyers that the test was positive, I'm going to get to _see_ it. I know Derek will be happy about this, with the way he was acting last night. Almost involuntarily, a stupid grin appears on my face before I head back out to the exam room.

When I reenter, Dr. Meyers is still checking on the results of my blood work. Still sitting in the chair in the corner, Derek looks up when he hears me walk in.

"And?"

I don't say anything, I just smile and give him a small nod.

"Addie," he whispers, standing up. "Seriously?"

"Mhmm." Seeing how happy he is makes tears prickle in the back of my eyes.

"Oh my God," he hugs me, picking me up and spinning me around once, making me laugh. "We're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah," I smile, kissing him. "We're gonna have a baby."

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd, it appears as though 'congratulations' is in order," Dr. Meyers comes back in the room. "Blood work came back positive."

"And so did this," I hold up the pregnancy test.

"Alright well let's get you set up for an ultrasound then."

Before I know it I'm lying back on the exam room table with my shirt up.

"Now this is going to be a little cold," Dr. Meyers tells me before squirting the gel onto my exposed belly. Derek stands next to me and holds my hand.

She looks at the screen as she places the wand on me. "Just checking for a heartbeat here…"

She pauses, narrowing her eyes. Immediately I start to worry and Derek squeezes my hand tighter.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Oh, nothing's wrong, I've found a heartbeat. It's just…it's twins."

I feel my jaw hit the floor and Derek just about passes out next to me.

"Come again?" I breathe, staring at the ultrasound screen.

"Addison, it appears as though you'll be carrying two little babies," Dr. Meyers smiles at me. "Congratulations again, Mommy. And Daddy," she gestures to Derek who is still trying to compose himself.

"How…how far along am I?" I ask her.

"Judging by size I'd say you're eight or nine weeks along, give or take. That would make your due date right around Christmas, but since it's twins I would expect it to be more around the first or second week of December."

"Derek," I whisper. "That's our season." Tears spring to my eyes as I continue to stare at the two little heartbeats on the screen. Suddenly, I imagine myself with a swollen belly, and then holding two infants.

"I, I can't believe it," Derek smiles.

"I'll need you to come in three weeks from now for a 12-week check-up, and I'm going to start you on a round of pre-natal vitamins," Dr. Meyers says to me, printing a picture of the ultrasound for us. "For now just try and lay low as best as possible. You can still go to school, but no heavy activities for a while. Otherwise, I don't see why you couldn't have two healthy, beautiful babies.

"Alright, thank you Dr. Meyers," I smile, pulling my shirt down.

As soon as Derek and I get home from the doctor's office, no sooner is the front door shut than he turns around and crashes his lips into mine and I'm wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hmm Derek," I mutter in between kisses. "The doctor said no heavy activities…"

"Who said anything about heavy activities?" He smiles, lifting me up. "This is celebratory."

He kisses me again before carrying me up to the bedroom.

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**July, 1989**

"Ugh, did the biggest heat wave New York has ever faced have to come _this_ summer?" I fan myself with a magazine as Derek and I sit in the waiting room at my doctor's office. Today is our appointment for the ultrasound scan where we get to find out the sex of the twins. Derek's been saying all along that we're having a boy and a girl, but I think they're both girls. I don't really know why either, I just have a feeling.

I rub my belly gently with one hand as one baby nestles just below my rib cage. I've decided that the twins don't like the heat either, and that's why the two of them can't seem to stop squirming around in there.

"Just look on the bright side," Derek puts a hand on my knee. "At least this building is air-conditioned."

"If it wasn't I think I would have to switch doctors," I joke, as a nurse comes out and calls my name.

Leaning back on the exam table, I expect the cold jell by now. Today, I'm mostly just anxious to see my…well what I believe to be girls again. As soon as the wand is placed on my stomach I am immediately mesmerized yet again by these two little people inside me, and I can't take my eyes off of them.

"So, are you ready to know the sex?" Dr. Meyers asks us.

"Yes!" We both answer at the same time.

"Well the one who's set up camp underneath your ribcage is a girl," she smiles.

"Figures," Derek jokes, and gives my hand a squeeze.

"And the other one…hold on let me get a better angle. It looks like baby number two is also a girl, and she's got her thumb in her mouth already," Dr. Meyers chuckles.

"Oh my God," I smile and I can feel a couple of tears run down my face. "Derek, we have two daughters."

Two daughters. Two beautiful little sisters.

"I'll print off a picture then give you two a minute," Dr. Meyers smiles.

Once Derek and I are alone, he holds up the picture to admire it and kisses my lips.

"I bet they'll look just like you," he warps his hands around my waist.

"No, remember what you said?" I stand up and wrap my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair. "One with your eyes and my hair, and the other with your hair and my eyes. And the doctor said they're fraternal, so we're even."

Derek smiles and places his hands on my belly, one where each baby lay.

"I'm just never going to catch a break from all of you girls, now am I?"

I smile back at him and kiss him full on the lips.

"Oh well, you love us anyway."

"That I do Addie. That I do."

* * *

**Derek's POV**

**September, 1989**

"Honey, we are not naming either of our daughters Derek Junior," Addison laughs, lying on the sofa with her head in my lap, the both of our hands on her six-month-pregnant belly. We've been pouring over baby name books for weeks now and so far, nothing is fitting. This time, we decided to start completely over, with a completely new book.

"Okay, fine then you think of something better," I chuckle.

She gives me a look before turning a page of the book resting on her stomach. The fire in the fireplace crackles from across the room.

"I still say we name one of them Carson," she says.

"What about Katherine?" I ask at the same time.

"What was that?"

"Katherine," I move my hand over to the baby whose head is nestled down by Addison's pelvis. "What about Katherine?"

"Hmm…" she links her fingers with mine. "Katherine Shepherd…"

"Montgomery Shepherd," I finish.

"What?" She looks up at me.

"Montgomery Shepherd. I think our kids should have your name too, because let's face it, they're probably gonna end up just like you anyway," I bend down and kiss her on the lips.

"Well okay then," she smiles. "I like Katherine. I say we go for it."

"Seriously?" I laugh. "It took us this long just to come up with the name Katherine?"

Addison laughs. "So what about a middle name?"

"Well, we could always do middle names after family members, like my mother, your…"

"We are also _not_ naming either of our daughters after my mother."

"Wasn't gonna suggest it," I hold up my hands in defeat.

"We could go with Angela, after my aunt," she muses. "I always loved Auntie Angela; she paid more attention to me than my mother ever did."

"Angela it is, then. Katherine Angela Montgomery Shepherd."

"Do you like that, little one?" Addison coos, running a hand over her belly. "Judging by the fact that she just kicked my hand and her sister, I think that's a yes," she laughs.

"And as for the one still stuck in your ribcage…"

"I think I'm gonna give her a name like Orphelinda as punishment for constantly grinding her head against my bones," Addison scoffs.

"Okay then I'll leave you to deal with her when some kid beats her up on the playground."

"I know, I know, I'm just kidding. I just wish she would you know, _move_."

As if on cue, baby number two turns over.

"What about Lucy?" I ask.

"Nah, too Charlie Brown."

"Sophie?"

"Lauren," Addison looks at the book.

I think for a moment. "I like it."

"Yeah? And we could go with Maureen for a middle name, after your grandmother? I think it's a pretty name."

"Lauren Maureen. Houston, we have names," I bend down to kiss Addison again.

"Finally," she giggles, wrapping her hands around my head as I maneuver so we're both lying down, her with her head on my chest.

"I can't wait for them to get here," Addison whispers as I run my hand up and down her back.

I reach behind us and turn off the lamp, so only the fire lights up the room.

"I know, me too."

"So you're not nervous…?" She looks up at me.

"I'll admit, at the beginning I was nervous. But now, now not so much. As much as I hate to admit it, I think Mark was right. Even though we're both second-year med. students, we're good together; we can do this."

"Hold on a minute, you went to _Mark_ for advice on fatherhood?" Addison buries her face in my chest, laughing.

"Hey, he's my best friend, and I was – you know what, never mind. The point is, my lovely wife, that I'm ready to be a father. I'm excited."

"Hmm well that's good to know, honey," she closes her eyes.

"And just think about how well these two will fit in with the rest of the Shepherd clan," I continue. "Nancy just called the other day – she said Oliver and Amanda are very excited to meet their new little cousins."

"Aww, that's so sweet," Addison smiles.

I sigh.

"Less than three months now."

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**December, 1989**

Technically my due date isn't until after Christmas, and I'm supposed to go in for a C-section on the 15th to avoid going into labor, but as I sit here in bed around midnight going over a case study for my Medical Ethics class, the pressure in my lower back increases.

I sit up straight. This makes me nervous; I'm not supposed to go into labor because it's possible the babies might not be in the right position to be delivered naturally. And as much as I'd _like_ to deliver naturally, I can't risk their safety.

I place a hand on my lower belly.

"Not now, guys, you still have a week to go," I groan.

"What was that?" Derek calls from the bathroom where he stands brushing his teeth.

"Oh nothing, it's just the pressure. It started this morning and now it's just getting worse," I groan again.

Derek immediately comes into the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

"Are you sure you're not going into labor, honey?"

"No, no I can't be. They're not supposed to be born naturally, and it's too soon. It's only the 9th."

"Addie you know as well as I do that babies don't always come according to schedule…"

"Come on, there is no way that I'm-"

But before I can finish a pain shoots through my abdomen and I gasp.

"You wanna finish that sentence, or can I take you to the hospital now?"

"Derek, they're not supposed to be born naturally, I can't go into labor," I'm starting to panic. "What if they're not okay?"

"Addie, they're going to be fine. The doctor said it's possible that they could be here the first week of December, and it's the first week of December." He starts packing a bag quickly.

"But still," I cradle my belly.

After getting dressed, Derek flings the bag over his shoulder and comes over to help me stand up. I feel another cramp – contraction – run through my abdomen and take another deep breath.

"I've got you, honey," he wraps an arm around my back to hold me up.

I look at him as we walk down the stairs and to the car.

"Derek," I whisper. "When we get back here we're gonna have two babies."

"Yeah," he kisses my temple. "We're gonna be parents."

* * *

**Reviews would be lovely :)**


	5. Little Angel

**A/N: So, I've been wanting to write this one-shot for a while, and finally here it is. It was a tough one to write, but I hope you all enjoy. Also, thank you all so much for the warm reviews on these one-shots :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**Little Angel**

**Katherine's POV**

**April, 1996**

"Laurie, Laurie, Laurie, you must stand up _straight_ when you are doing pliés!" Our ballet instructor Juliette barks in her heavily accented English.

I roll my eyes and giggle from across the room as I hear my sister get reprimanded once again for her lack of ballet-related coordination. Being twins, Laurie and I are very close. We tell each other everything, and would much rather sleep in the same bed than be forced to have separate bedrooms. However, ability wise, we're very different. Ballet is my favorite thing in the world. If I could spend every day doing nothing but dancing, I would, and I'm already counting the days until I can use real toe-shoes. Laurie on the other hand, _hates_ it. She would much rather take out the soccer ball with Dad and Uncle Mark and roll around in the mud all day, as Mom puts it. Gross.

To most six year olds, like Laurie for example, ballet is just something you do because your mother made you. But I think it's an art, and something I want to do for the rest of my life. Of course, Dad has made jokes about how I can be a dancer _after_ I become a doctor. I can tell he never means it though.

I do another plié and smile at Nathan, my best friend in the class and the only other kid who's here because they want to be. He's also the only boy in the class.

"Alright, children, five more sets and then it is time to go home!" Juliette announces to the class, and everyone immediately moves faster, wanting to leave. Well, all except for me.

"Juliette, can't I stay longer?" I ask my teacher, who happens to be one of my favorite people in the world. A native of Paris, France, Juliette has been a member of the New York City Ballet for six years now, and has danced the Swan Queen in _Swan Lake_, aka. my dream role. Laurie of course had to ask me what it was, and when she did I felt obligated to tell Mom to disown her. The other day Juliette asked me to audition to dance with the NYC Ballet in the Nutcracker this Christmas, and I plan on asking Mom and Dad tonight. I just hope they say yes.

"Oh, _ma petite chou_, I wish you could," Juliette cups my chin. I don't mind being her favorite student. "But do not forget what I told you to talk to your mother about."

"Oh I won't!" I smile at her. "I just hope she says yes!"

"She would be a fool not to," Juliette winks. "Now, go take your sister home and teach her a thing or two."

I giggle. "I will. See you on Thursday, Juliette!" I give her a hug and then go find Laurie.

"I never want to do another plié for as long as I live," Laurie sighs, putting on her coat as I walk up to her.

"Oh, don't be such a downer, it was fun," I smile, grabbing my coat.

"Speak for yourself, Juliette _likes_ you."

I shrug, putting on my jacket.

"Mommy said we had to walk home today, right?" Laurie asks me.

"Yeah, and then Carmen is going to watch us until she gets home from that meeting with that one guy," I tell her.

"Every time she watches us she tries to teach me Bible verses in Spanish," Laurie sighs. "I'm still trying to learn them in English!"

I giggle again as we walk outside into the crisp spring air. "Well maybe today we can play hide and seek with her again, except we'll just hide…and she won't know she's supposed to seek…" This is one of our favorite pastimes when Carmen is watching us.

"Rin, you know how much trouble we got in for doing that last time! And if you want Mommy to let you dance in that Nuthead show this Christmas, we probably don't want to get in trouble again."

"It's Nut_cracker_, and you're right," I sigh. "We'll just have to think of something else."

The dance studio we have class at is really only about three or four blocks from the brownstone where we live, which is part of the reason why Laurie and I are allowed to walk home sometimes. That and we never leave each other's side. There are cars driving by as we come closer to the first intersection and I automatically stick my hand out for Laurie to take hold. That's Mom's rule – always look both ways and hold hands when crossing the street, even if the crosswalk says "walk."

Looking both ways, we make our way across the street. We're almost halfway across when I hear a car coming. I'm confused, because I thought the traffic light was red, but by the time I turn my head to look, it's too late. It's coming straight at us. Ripping my hand from Laurie's, I push her forward as hard as I can, in the hopes that she won't get hit. I'm the older twin, I'm supposed to protect her. I hear a scream, a horn honking, and the skidding of tires on the road, and then everything goes dark.

* * *

My head is in so much pain I can hardly think. I want to move, to scream for Laurie, but I can't talk. Everything seems to be spinning around me; I hear noises but can't make out what they are. After a moment I realize that my shoulder is ripped from its socket and I can't feel my legs. I'm scared, I just want my mommy and daddy, and I want the pain to stop.

I try my hardest to open my eyes, but they seem to be cemented shut. All I can see is darkness, and I have no idea where I am.

Eventually, I make out sirens in the background, getting louder and louder. I have to open my eyes; I have to see what's going on. Where is Laurie? I want to hear Laurie. I wrench one lid open as much as I can, and the light is so bright. My vision is blurred but I can tell the sun has come out, finally, after it had been raining all morning.

Men are yelling beside me, but I don't know who any of them are, and I still can't move. It's getting harder to breathe, and I just want the pain to stop. I hope those men are coming to help Laurie and me, where ever we are.

I try to talk once more, but still nothing comes out. I struggle for another breath, still looking up at the sky, and feel myself tear up as a sharp pain shoots through my chest.

The last thing I remember, I see up in the sky right above me. It's the calming after the storm – the rainbow.

I take in as much of a breath as I can, despite the burning in my chest.

"I'll think of you too, Mommy."

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**April, 1996**

"Well Addison, I am delighted that you've decided to consider a Genetics specialty to your fields of expertise," my former medical school professor, Dr. Emerson, smiles at me from behind his office desk.

"Of course, Obstetrics is still my primary area of interest, but I really think working with you could really help to broaden my skillset as a doctor," I respond. I sit cross-legged in a pencil skirt, cream-colored blouse, and heels, feeling 29 going on 45. No matter how much Dr. Emerson likes me as a student, I still needed to make my best impression, and that includes _not_ telling him how I rushed here after dropping off my two six year olds at ballet class.

"You're not wrong there," he chuckles.

"I do have two children though, so I also want to make sure that this fellowship program won't take away too much more time from them…"

"As with any medical program, you will have nights where you'll be on call, or days when we will need you to come in to consult. Beginning next September, you will be expected to complete 1,000 hours over the next twelve months, and given that your surgical specialty is neonatal and OB, I truly believe that adding this specialty will help you in that field."

"Okay," I nod. "And, if you don't mind my asking, does this program-"

But before I can finish, my phone rings. I immediately blush from embarrassment as I take out the phone to mute it. Just as I'm about to internally curse myself for not putting it on silent, however, I notice that it's the hospital calling.

"I am so sorry, Dr. Emerson," I look up at him. "I'm not supposed to be on call right now, but it's the hospital. Would you mind if I just took one moment-"

"Oh no, no, I understand," he waves his hand, giving me permission. "I was there once too."

"Thank you," I smile, standing up to walk out. "This is Dr. Shepherd," I answer, standing just outside Dr. Emerson's office door.

"Addison, it's Dr. Mathers," I hear the voice of one of my superiors at Mt. Sinai over the line.

"Dr. Mathers what can I help you with?" I try not to sound too annoyed at her interrupting my meeting, especially when I'm not even supposed to be on call.

"You need to come in right now. There's…there's been an accident." Normally a very stern and intimidating woman to her residents, her voice is surprisingly sympathetic.

"I'm in the middle of a meeting right now, how critical is the patient?" I ask. It's not common that residents question Mathers' authority, but as a pediatric surgeon naturally she and I work very well together, and while she is my superior, I'm no longer afraid to question her.

"Dr. Shepherd this is not the time for questions. Like I said, there's been an accident. Something…something happened to your daughters – to Katherine."

As soon as she said that I nearly drop my phone on the ground and have to lean against the wall to keep my knees from giving out.

"Wha-what accident? What do you mean there's been an accident? _What happened?!_"

"They're both down in the ER right now, you need to hurry."

"I'm on my way," I stand up and end the call.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Emerson, but I…I have to get to the hospital, there's been an accident with my children," I stammer as I grab my sweater and purse, trying to keep Rinny's face out of my head. _Something happened to her_. I run out the door before he can respond.

I'm running to my car as fast as I can, to the point where my heart feels like it's up in my throat. Realistically, I know I shouldn't be driving right now, given my emotional state, but I don't really give a damn. I keep trying not to picture the worst – both of my little girls lying somewhere, dead – and repeat to myself over and over that they're going to be okay. They were in ballet class and one of them twisted her ankle. Or, they were walking home from ballet class and one of them slipped on the sidewalk and broke her arm. No, it's nothing a cast can't fix.

Right.

Twenty minutes later, I park in the hospital parking garage and run again, as fast as I can down to the ER. My heart moves down from my throat and threatens to stop as soon as I see Derek, who's supposed to be in surgery, standing next to Dr. Mathers in the hallway and looking scared.

I immediately take his hand when he sees me come and stand next to him.

"What happened? Where are my children?" I ask, frantic.

"Maybe if we go sit down," Dr. Mathers tries to lead us to the waiting room.

"We are not going anywhere until you tell us what happened to them," Derek looks straight into her eyes.

"There was a car accident," she tells us. "The police told us a witness said your girls were crossing the street together, and before anyone knew it, a drunk driver was speeding down the street…and not stopping. Unfortunately, both of your girls were hit before he crashed and was killed on impact."

"But they're…they're okay, aren't they?" I ask, feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate. This morning I tickled Rinny to get her out of bed. Laurie was cracking jokes in the car on the way to Kindergarten. The last time I said "I love you" was when I dropped them off at ballet after school. No, they can't be…

"Lauren is stable. She was given a head CT immediately and only suffered a concussion and broken left arm. Some of her contusions are under watch, but she should recover within the next few days."

Derek squeezes my hand. As much as neither of us wants to believe, I am terrified at what Dr. Mathers is going to say next.

"And…Rinny?" I whisper.

She doesn't even need to say anything after that – the look on her face says it all.

"I am so sorry…we tried everything, but there was too much trauma to the brain and spinal cord…"

That's all I hear before my knees give out for real this time, and I'm falling to the ground, leaving Derek to catch me.

* * *

**Derek's POV**

**April, 1996**

I quickly catch Addison around her middle as she falls to the floor of the deserted ER hallway in a heap, sobbing.

"I'll give you two a moment," Dr. Mathers whispers, backing away down the hall.

"No, no, no, my baby," Addison cries, taking a breath between each word.

Sitting against the wall, still in my scrubs from just having come out of surgery, I hold her close before I too start crying, still unable to believe that one of my little girls is dead. The same little girl who I had promised to read _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ to tonight, her favorite book. We remain there for what feels like hours, my arms wrapped firmly around Addison, who's been crying for so long she no longer makes any sound.

Memories come flowing back in my mind of Rinny. The first time she smiled at me, when she took her first steps, when I taught her to swim. My ballet dancer – so beautiful, so perfect.

"Addie?" I whisper after a moment. I take in all that she's wearing – the black pencil skirt, cream-colored blouse, and heels. She had asked me last night after the girls went to bed how she looked, when she tried on the outfit for me. She looked beautiful. "They'd be fools not to love you," I told her before adding "but you know I much prefer you without any clothes on at all…"

"Oh do you?" She smirked, before the clothes were shed and the rest became history.

She doesn't say anything now or look at me; I'm answered by her silence. I run a hand through her hair. It's now I know that I'm going to have to be the strong one. Laurie, now our only living child, will need me to be the strong one. I can do it, for my family.

"They'll want us to identify the body," I say quietly. Addison just nods against me. "And we have to tell Laurie."

"Why, Derek?" She moans. I can tell she's not asking about why we have to identify the body, either. This is a bigger question.

"I don't know, honey," I mumble against her hair. "I don't know."

An hour later and we're standing in the morgue. Addison looks like I feel – pale and weak. We still haven't seen Laurie. Now, we're waiting for the doctor to unzip the bag so we can identify the body. _Rinny's_ body.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," the short intern gives us a sympathetic look before uncovering Rinny's face. Addison gasps, and reaches out a shaking hand to touch our daughter's cheek.

By now, Rinny has been cleaned up. Dr. Mathers was right about the head trauma – I can see the small portion of her skull that's indented, and the right side of her face is lacerated – but there's no more blood. Slowly, I pull the cover off of her further, until it covers only below the waist. Her right arm is strapped to her body – the result of a dislocated shoulder whose tendons will never heal.

I feel myself start to shake, and the tears fall down my cheeks once more. I get down on my knees, taking Rinny's hand and kissing it, while Addison stands by her head, cupping her cheeks and kissing her.

"Say hello to Grandpa for me, sweetheart," I whisper. "He'll take good care of you." Loud sobs escape me, as loud as they had when I lost my father.

* * *

My heart feels like it's breaking all over again as I stand in the doorway of Laurie's hospital room. She's still unconscious, but since there was no evidence of a brain bleed, she didn't need to be put in ICU. Addison sits in the corner of the room. I can tell she desperately wants to look at Laurie, to comfort her, but she can't.

She can't look at one daughter without thinking of the one we lost.

Mark had come by earlier, offering his condolences and seeing if there was anything we needed. I asked him to call our families and that's it; I know Rinny's death is going to hurt him too – her "cool Uncle," as he so eloquently put it.

I sit at the edge of Laurie's bed until she wakes up, asking what happened, and for Rinny.

"Daddy? What happened? Where's Rin?" She looks at me with wide eyes. "My head hurts."

I sit next to her on the bed and wrap my arms around her, careful of her cast. I kiss her head, hoping the physical comfort can help ease the pain that's yet to come for her. But who am I kidding.

"Honey," I whisper close to her ear. "Do you remember what I said about Grandpa, my daddy, being in heaven?" Addison looks at the floor from her chair in the corner.

"Mhm," Laurie nods against me. "When people die they go to heaven, with God and all of the other angels. And that's where Grandpa is."

"That's right, sweetheart," I smile sadly. "That's so right."

"But…where's Rinny?" She asks again.

"Laurie, you and Rinny…there was an accident, a car accident, and that's why you're in the hospital right now."

"But if I'm okay then she has to be okay too, right? We're twins…isn't that how it's supposed to work?"

"Sweetheart, I…Rinny didn't make it," my voice breaks and I notice Addison silently crying again in the corner.

"What do you mean she didn't make it?" Laurie asks, making me wonder if she really doesn't understand, or she just doesn't want to.

"Well when you both were hit, you fell and hit your heads on the street," I run my fingers through her red hair. "Rinny's just hit a little too hard, and there was nothing anyone can do."

"No…no!" Laurie shakes her head and starts to cry. "You're a brain doctor, you can fix her!"

"I wish I could, honey," I tell her with my lips against her head. "I would give anything to be able to fix her, but she's in heaven with Grandpa now."

"But she can't go to heaven! I need her here!" Laurie clings on to my shirt with her good hand.

"I know you do, I know," I cuddle her close. "But she's an angel now. She's your guardian angel."

"I have to be with her though!" Laurie sobs. "I want to go to heaven too."

At hearing this, Addison's head shoots up and she looks at us. But she still doesn't say anything.

"No, no baby," I say to Laurie. "Mommy needs you, and, and I need you. And Grandma, and all your aunts and uncles and cousins. We love you more than anything else in the world. Heaven will be there for you in time, and Rinny…Rin will always be there for you; she'll always be with you, even if you can't see her." I look at Addison as I say this and her eyes well up.

"I'm gonna miss her so much," Laurie chokes.

"I know, baby," I kiss her head again. "But we'll see her again someday, you'll see."

* * *

**Lauren's POV**

**April, 1996**

I sit in the second row of pews on my Grandma Carolyn's lap as Rinny's service begins. My parents are sitting directly in front of us, and I think Dad may have secretly asked Grandma to sit here so that I wouldn't have to watch him and Mom cry. Aunt Nancy sits next to Grandma, with her son Collin in her lap, the third of her four kids who was born a year after Rinny and me.

I snuggle further into Grandma before our priest, Father Mike comes out to begin the Mass, sprinkling Rinny's coffin with holy water. About a minute later, Mom and Dad go up for the placing of the pall over her coffin, a large Cross covering the entirety of the cloth. I don't want to look, because parts of me still can't believe my sister is gone, so I turn my head away.

Father Mike says the opening prayer as we stand, crossing ourselves.

"_Eternal rest give to them, O Lord; and let perpetual light shine upon them_."

Most of the funeral Mass passes by in a complete blur; I hear people talking, singing, praying, but none of it makes sense to me anymore. Mom wasn't actually raised Catholic, but converted when she married Dad. I can imagine this is the first time Bizzy, the Captain, and Uncle Archer have been to Mass too. I on the other hand have been going every Sunday since I can remember, and both my sister and I were baptized as babies. But I'm not even sure I want to be here anymore, because I can't imagine a God who would take away my best friend.

Father Mike begins his homily:

"_No one knows why God calls our young ones home_…"

Exactly. But Rinny's not going home, her home is with me!

By the end of the homily, everyone is crying, including Grandma, who squeezes me tighter. I had tears too, and plenty of them, but they were more so a result of not understanding why my sister wasn't coming back, why this whole thing happened, and _why_ I am still here.

I'm surprised when Father Mike comes down from the podium and walks over to me through the center aisle. I unfold my head from Grandma's shoulder and look at him.

"Would you like to come up and say a few words for Rinny, Laurie?" He asks me gently.

I look at Grandma.

"Go on, it's alright," she smiles and kisses my cheek.

I slowly slide off of her lap and take Father Mike's hand. He stands next to me on the stage. Before I say anything, I look around, at Rinny's coffin and at the many pictures of her displayed on the easel next to it. Most of them are of her and me together, since we were rarely apart. All of the sudden, it hits me. I am never going to get to see her again, get to talk to her again, get to hug her again. She's never going to drag me to that stupid ballet class again. She's never going to get to dance in the Nutcracker with Juliette this Christmas. We're never going to share a bed again when one of us is scared.

My sister is dead. My best friend is dead.

I look out at the audience, but suddenly the urge to cry has come at me full throttle.

"I," I breathe. "I love you, Rinny."

That's all I can say before I bury my face in my hands and cry. Father Mike carries me off and sets me in Dad's lap, where he whispers to me and holds me as I cry and cry, until I can cry no longer.

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**April, 1996**

Around me, everyone is getting up and leaving as the funeral ends, but I don't hear them anymore. Derek sits next to me in the front pew with Laurie, who had cried herself to sleep, limp in his lap; he takes one look at me, then as if reading my mind, picks up our daughter and slowly makes his way down the center aisle and out into the foyer.

I remain sitting, staring straight ahead at the casket that holds my little girl. I am alone in the cathedral, and the only thing I hear is the faint hum of people talking quietly behind me in the foyer, waiting for the casket to be taken out for the burial. Although my eyes are permanently red and watery, I am far beyond tears now; I have cried so many, yet the grief I feel seems unable to be healed by anything.

Rinny, my spunky, precocious, sweet, and beautiful baby, is gone. Dead. Never coming back.

I turn my head slightly and look at the many pictures of her displayed on the easel next to the casket. Most of them are of her and Laurie together – my two peas in a pod, literally. After a moment, one picture in particular catches my eye, because it's one of the few of just Rinny by herself. Taken on her and Laurie's sixth birthday just four months ago, she's grinning at the camera with both of her top front teeth missing. It's one of my favorite photos of her.

As I look at this perfect little girl's face, I remember the first time I held her in the hospital and kissed her fuzzy head of dark hair.

I remember the countless nights I sat up with her in the rocking chair as an infant, nursing her, giving her Eskimo kisses as she grabbed my fingers and looked at me with those blue-green eyes.

I remember the first time she smiled at me, and said her first word – "mama."

I remember the first time she said "I love you" to her sister, dad, and me, and I had burst into tears.

I remember all the times she spent cuddled up to me in the cabin upstate, and when Derek taught her how to swim in the lake.

I remember all the time she spent out in the backyard, playing with her sister and many Shepherd cousins.

I remember Mark or my older brother Archer taking her for piggy back rides while we walked through Central Park.

I remember the first time she put on that little pink ballet tutu and I couldn't get her to take it off for a week.

And finally, I remember dropping her off at that last ballet class before it happened. That last hug and kiss, that last "I love you" before I had to rush off across town for a meeting with one of my old professors from Columbia, about a Genetics fellowship program I had been recommended to join. It was because of that meeting that I was unable to pick her and Laurie up from ballet that day, and Derek was in surgery at the hospital. So, for extra pay, our housekeeper had agreed to watch the girls until one of us got home.

By now I realize that my arms physically ached to hold Rinny. My lips ached to kiss her cheeks, her forehead, the top of her head. My ears ached to hear her laughing, her calling my name…Mommy. Before I know it I'm walking up to the casket and running a hand over the top, where I imagine her face to be directly underneath.

"My angel girl," I whisper. "I am so sorry. I should never have let you walk home that day. But I thought you would be safe; all I've ever wanted was for you to be safe." I sniff. "You are an amazing and special little girl, Katherine, and I…I am so lucky I got to be your Mommy. I will love you for the rest of my life, and not a day will go by when I don't think about you. But…wait for me, okay? Someday, I will come and find you in heaven, and you can show me all of your ballet steps." I take a deep breath as tears, once again, stream down my cheeks.

"And I can hold you again," I choke. "And kiss you again. I promise, I _promise_ I'll never leave you, Rinny. I love you, baby girl."

I bend forward and kiss the top of the casket, before slowly turning around, wiping my eyes and walking down the aisle as a group of clergymen come up behind me to carry her out to the cemetery.

I stop in the foyer, only to notice Derek standing near the front door, still holding Laurie. Making eye contact, I walk over to him. My heart breaks again, looking at the devastation in his eyes and at my other little girl, her body completely worn out from grief. I kiss the back of Laurie's head, against her red hair.

"Mommy?" She mumbles tiredly against Derek's shoulder.

"Baby," I whisper, my lips against her temple as I gently rub her back. Derek still doesn't say anything, but I know it's because he's afraid if he opens his mouth, he won't be able to stop the crying. Instead, he wraps one arm around me and pulls me close, so the three of us stand in an embrace. However, as I lean against his chest, I hear him sobbing again – standing over Rinny's dead body in the hospital, at the funeral only moments ago, and in the shower every morning, a place where he thinks no one can hear him. First he has to experience his father's death at a young age, and now his daughter's.

Moments later, Derek's older sister Kathleen comes over to us and puts a hand on my shoulder, letting us know that Rinny's casket will be taken out soon.

"Thanks, Kath," Derek manages a small smile as I move out of his embrace.

"I can hold on to Laurie for a little bit, if you two want to wait in here for it," Kathleen gives me a kind look.

"That…that would be nice, thank you," I nod, as Derek hands her over.

"Come here, sweetheart," Kathleen says as she picks up our daughter. Laurie wraps her arms around her neck.

"Auntie Kathleen?"

"Yeah, honey, it's Auntie Kathleen," she says, kissing Laurie's head.

"I don't like this," Laurie says as a tear falls down her cheek and she lifts her casted arm to rub her eye. She says it just in the same way she does when there's a thunderstorm. Kathleen looks at me quickly, and then turns around before Laurie can see Derek and my pained expressions.

"I know, honey," she says. "But you're going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay, you'll see. Now, should we go find Grandma so Mommy and Daddy can talk for a minute?"

"Okay," Laurie nods.

The two of them leave to go find Carolyn as I look at Derek once more. We wait until we are the last two still standing inside, and the casket is brought through the entryway. The clergymen motion for us to walk directly behind them. Before the funeral began and we arrived at the church, it was raining. But as Derek and I step outside hand in hand, I find I have to shield my eyes with the other, from the sun that's broken through the clouds.

Then it hits me and I have to stop. Letting go of Derek's hand, I tell him to keep walking and that I'd catch up with everyone. He looks at me like I'm crazy, but obliges.

I look up, and immediately I see it.

"Rinny," I whisper. "From now on, whenever I see a rainbow, I'll think of you. And I'll tell you."

And I smile, because I know she's listening.

* * *

**Reviews are most welcome. Thanks for reading :)**


	6. Mother and Daughter

**A/N: So I had originally written this yesterday, with no intention of publishing it. But then I thought you all deserve some Addie and Laurie mother/daughter fluff, especially after that last one-shot. This is kind of short and sweet, I guess you could say. I hope you like! :) Oh, and special thanks to LoveandLearn for editing/teaching me to be more medically accurate. haha.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**Mother and Daughter**

**Addison's POV**

Losing a patient is never easy. In med. school, they tell you that as a doctor you should remain as unattached as possible, in order to do the best job possible. But sometimes it's more complicated than that, especially as an Obstetrician, when you're faced with both the loss of a mother _and_ her baby.

Such is what clouds my thoughts this evening, as I sit on the couch in the living room with a glass of white wine and a box of tissues.

I had been Julie Sharpe's doctor for seven years, ever since the start of her first pregnancy. This time, she had been expecting her third. Her baby, a girl, was breach, but because of the low level of amniotic fluid, I hadn't been able to turn her. So, the plan had been to deliver via C-Section a couple weeks before her due date. That was until Julie had a placental abruption at the end of her seventh month and bled out in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I had met her in the ER, I had operated within minutes of her arrival, but having gone too long without oxygen, her baby didn't survive either.

I keep telling myself that no one could have predicted this, that I did nothing wrong, but I still can't get the image of Julie, her dead baby, and two young sons who are now motherless out of my head.

It's been eight years now, since one of my twins, Rinny, was killed by that drunk driver, and yet her death is another reason why I sit here curled up into a ball. Cases like Julie and her baby's always bring me back to that day in April, 1996.

Derek is currently away for a series of medical conferences in San Francisco, which makes my other daughter Laurie extremely jealous since a couple of his meetings are at Stanford School of Medicine. An avid soccer player, it's her dream to play forward for Stanford one day, but as proud as I am of her, I have to admit the thought of her living all the way across the country scares the living hell out of me. I choke on another sob; thinking about my 14 year old daughter growing up and moving thousands of miles away from me is icing on the cake of my already depressed mood.

As if on cue, I hear the front door open.

"Mom!" Laurie calls, kicking off her cleats.

She's just come back from her last day of tryouts for the Dalton Academy girls soccer team. It's her freshman year of high school – the first year she's allowed to try out for varsity – and no matter how many times Derek and I have told her she's a shoo in to get on the team, she's been a basket case all week.

"Mom, are you home?" She calls again. "I have news!"

I clear my throat. "In here, honey!" I call, trying to hide the sad in my voice and the box of Kleenex behind a pillow. I pick up a book from the side table and pretend to be reading.

A second later, Laurie saunters into the room, standing in front of me and still in her socks and shin guards. Her ponytail falling loose at the back of her head, a huge grin is plastered on her face.

"So…?" I stand up, smiling, already knowing what she's about to say.

"I made varsity!" She shouts.

"You see? I told you you would!" I laugh, pulling her into a hug. Really, I'm grateful for some happy news today. "Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you," I pull back, cupping her cheeks with my hands.

"Unfortunately, I'm the youngest on the team because only three people graduated last year, but Coach watched me for a while during scrimmage, and he said I might even be looking at a lot of starting time this season," she grins.

"Well, little lady, I think this is cause for celebration," I kiss her forehead. "It's Friday night, you don't start school until next week, _and_ I just got the take-out menu for this fabulous new Greek food place."

"Well then, the world is our oyster," Laurie laughs. "Or rather, Greece is our oyster. But oh man, I still can't believe I made the team," she turns and skips toward the kitchen.

I smile, curling back up in my corner. I hear the tap running as Laurie pours herself a glass of water.

"I mean, I know I was nervous-"

"You were a basket case!" I call out, interrupting her.

"_Fine_, I know I was a basket case, but just think of how this is gonna help with Stanford," I can practically hear her smiling, yet at the same time I feel my eyes well up again. Wasn't I just thinking about this?

"I can't wait 'til I'm a junior and can actually get recruited…" her voice gets quiet as she comes back out and notices me wiping my eyes. "Mom, what's the matter?" She sits across from me on the coffee table.

"It's nothing, Laurie, I'm fine," I lie, cursing myself for letting her see my tears.

"No really, what is it? You can tell me."

"It's just I…I lost a patient and her baby today," I sigh, looking down at my hands.

"Oh, Mom I'm sorry," she puts a hand on my knee. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I look up at her, giving her a small smile.

"Come here," I pat the couch cushion next to me.

"Are you sure? I'm still kind of sweaty…"

"Since when have I ever minded about that?" I joke. "Get over here."

She sits down next to me and I immediately envelop her in my arms. Automatically, she rests her head against my chest.

"Seriously though, why didn't you tell me this sooner, instead of listen to me go on and on about my stupid soccer team…"

"Honey, you making varsity is in no way stupid, and it makes me happy to see you happy, and hear about your successes," I kiss the top of her head. I forgot how good it feels, after losing a baby, to hold my own for a little while.

"Still…" she hugs me tighter. "You wanna tell me what happened with your patient?"

I sigh. "You know, in med. school they tell you that as doctors, you shouldn't get attached to your patients."

"But you're not just _a_ doctor, you're the best doctor," she sits up and looks me in the eye. "And you caring too much, that's part of what makes you the best."

I place a hand on her cheek and smile.

"It's just this particular patient, I had her for seven years, and she was one of my first since coming back to OB after your sister died. She was at the end of her seventh month, with her third baby – her first daughter. She was so excited to have a girl. The baby was healthy, but then the mother had a placental abruption and went into early labor. Her daughter went too long without oxygen, and…and here was nothing any of us could do. _No one_ expected it to happen, it just…did."

"You did everything you could though, and that's what counts. And like you just said, there's no way anyone could have known this was going to happen, not even the patient. You did not kill her, Mom."

"I know, I know, but some days it feels that way; this is one of those days where it feels that way," my voice breaks. "There should have been some sort of sign…I should have been more thorough."

"Shh," Laurie sits up and pulls my head into her lap, like she's the mother. She runs her fingers through my hair, and I immediately feel calmer.

"I know I'm probably stealing Dad's thunder here, but this is the part where I tell you that you're an amazing doctor, that _no one_ is more thorough than you, and that your patients love you. Hell, if I wasn't your daughter, _I_ would be your patient, and it actually kind of sucks for me that I can't be."

"Don't say 'hell,'" I laugh. "You're too young to start talking like me, and I am way luckier to have you as a daughter. But thanks…I know you're right, I know, but that baby...when I saw her, I couldn't help but think of..." I can't finish.

Laurie stiffens and takes in a breath. I suddenly feel bad for laying this on her.

"Rinny," she sighs.

"Yeah," I sit up. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but sometimes when I lose patients – babies – I can't help but think about her, and you sometimes, growing up and moving across the country." My voice breaks again.

"Mom, what happened with Rin was terrible and I…I still think about it a lot too, what I could have done differently, if only I could have pushed her out of the way. But in the end it was no one's fault except for that driver's. It wasn't your fault what happened. As for me, I might not even go to Stanford! I mean who knows, maybe I'll suddenly become stupid or develop early onset Alzheimer's, and I won't get in. And I'm not dying, Mom."

I feel a pang in my chest after she says that.

"I'm not dying. You're stuck with me…at least for another four years," she giggles.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," I pull her into my arms again. "But honey, if you developed Alzheimer's this early in life, I'd be concerned about a lot more than you not getting into Stanford," I chuckle.

"Good point," Laurie responds. "You could put me in the Guinness Book of World Records."

"Under 'Medical Anomalies'" I finish.

"You feeling any better?" She asks me after a moment.

"Yes I am," I rest my cheek against her head. "What would I do without you, sweetheart?"

"Probably turn my room into more office space," she retorts and I tickle her ribs, making her laugh.

"Don't tempt me," I joke.

"Nah, you love me too much to do that," Laurie grins at me.

"That I do, baby girl. But about that sweat thing…you might want to go shower now," I joke again, making a face.

"Oh gee, thanks. Not like I made varsity or anything…" she winks, getting up to go upstairs.

"Proud of you!" I call out.

"I'll be down after I shower and call Dad! Try not to drink the whole bottle of wine before I get back!"

* * *

"Oh my God this is fantastic," Laurie says after taking a bite of her gyro. "These restaurants man, you really know how to pick them. This is a good one."

Our "world is our oyster" night ended up being just her and me, cuddled up on the couch in sweats, Greek take-out, and a movie. Just what I needed after today.

"Good enough to _not_ watch The Godfather tonight…again?" I quip.

"Seriously, what is it with you and that movie? It's a cinematic masterpiece!"

"Okay, Spielberg, for one you are so your father's daughter," I wipe the corners of my mouth with a napkin. "And two, your dad's out of town, so no ganging up on me about that movie tonight. Pick something else."

"Hmm…" she flips through our DVD case. "What do you say I introduce you to the wonderful world of Harry Potter? I still can't believe you've never seen the movies _or_ read the books…"

"Well excuse me for being too busy, saving people's lives and all…"

"Excuses are the nails that build the house of failure, Mother."

"Fine, put in the first one, and if I don't like it, you can't say I didn't try."

"Deal." She gets up and puts in the DVD. "But you have to promise you're not going to be asking me questions every other minute, like you did with the first Lord of the Rings movie."

"Oh but annoying you is just so much fun," I smirk as she cuddles up next to me.

"I knew Dad was my favorite parent for a reason…"

"Hey!" I tickle her some more.

"Kidding, kidding!" She laughs.

"That's what I thought," I kiss her temple, lingering a moment to smell her strawberry shampoo. "I love you, kiddo."

She wraps an arm around me.

"Love you too, Mom."

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**Reviews are always welcome :)**


	7. When You're Gone

**A/N: So the idea to write this actually just came to me last night, as I was listening to "When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne. It takes place three months after Rinny's death. Also, if any of you have any ideas for one shots or anything in particular you want to see, feel free to let me know, because I love writing for you all! Hope you enjoy :)**

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**When You're Gone**

**Lauren's POV**

**July, 1996**

This is the fourth night in a row I have listened to my mother cry herself to sleep, alone in her bedroom. It's almost midnight, far too late for a six year old to be awake, but I can't help it – my mind is moving at a mile a minute. It's been three months since my twin sister died, and I miss her more than I ever thought it was possible to miss someone. I feel like half of me is missing – my better half – and no matter what I do, nothing will ever bring that half back.

Rinny's death has taken a toll on my parents too. Mom didn't go back to work for two months, and I don't really understand what this means yet, but apparently she is taking time away from being a baby surgeon and instead taking on a genetics fellowship…or so she told me. Daddy has been working constantly, trying to fill the void that is his precious daughter.

That's where my father is now, at the hospital, probably fixing somebody's brain. That's what he tells me he does, anyway. There's always somebody's brain that needs fixing, except now, I haven't seen Daddy in almost five days, and I miss him more than I thought was possible too.

I wonder if he misses me too.

I sit on the edge of my bed, hugging Winston the bear against my chest and wiping my tears. Looking to my left, I see the bed that Rinny slept in, still left untouched by anyone; it looks the same as it did the day that she was killed, and I dare not mess with it. I'm afraid if I touch it, that will be it. My sister will never be back to fix it the way that she wants, and the thought of that alone terrifies me.

Quietly, I get up and walk into the bathroom next to my bedroom. I used to be scared of having to get up to go in the middle of the night because the hallway was dark and of course, I had no idea of what lay underneath my bed. But tonight I go with ease; I don't think anything really scares me anymore, since I realized my worst fear would be to live without Rinny, and I'm already being forced to do that.

My hands smell like sweet pea as I leave the bathroom, adjusting Winston's night gown Grandma Carolyn made for him so that it's not riding up. I turn to head back into my bedroom, but then stop at the door when I hear Mom still crying. I really wish I could do something for her to make it better.

Turning around to walk down the hall toward my parents' bedroom, my bare feet pad against the carpet. Everything is completely dark around me, so even if Daddy did come home tonight, it would be clear that no one waited up for him. I push the door open an inch and stick my eyeball against the crack. Mom is tossing and turning in bed. Slowly, I open the door further, until I'm standing full inside. I expect Mom to wake up and ask me what I'm doing in there, or not want me in there because she doesn't want me to see her like this, but she doesn't say anything. I didn't think it was possible to cry in your sleep, but my own mother is currently proving me wrong.

Setting Winston down on the floor next to the nightstand, I kneel at the edge of Mom's bed, placing a hand on her cheek to calm her. There's just enough room, so after a minute I crawl in beside her, snuggling up with my face close to hers. I kiss her nose, and then rub my own against it, like she used to do to my sister. "Eskimo kisses," they called it, and it was their special thing. I just want Mom to have good dreams about Rinny now, even if I have to be the one to give her the kisses.

"You sleep now, Mommy," I whisper.

Subconsciously, she wraps her arms tightly around me, squeezing me like a teddy bear.

"Rinny," she mumbles. "Came back…"

In her sleeping state, she thinks I am the child she lost. I take a deep breath, my head now trapped against her chest.

"Mommy," I whisper again. "It…it is me. It's Rinny."

Her name tastes like pennies in my mouth and makes me want to cry all over again, I miss her so much.

"My sweet baby girl…"

She mutters and rolls over, but doesn't loosen her grip on me. I'm almost lying completely on top of her when she finally settles again. I listen to her heartbeat…it's racing.

"I'm here, Mommy. I'm always here." I keep whispering, so she won't hear my real voice, and after a moment I realize I'm saying out loud the words I wish Rinny would say to me now.

"Miss you…"

"I miss you too," I single tear falls from my cheek onto her pajama top – an old t-shirt of Daddy's. "Heaven has lots of toe-shoes."

I think of Rinny and her obsession with ballet. I dread Christmas this year, when the Nutcracker rolls around again and I'll know…my sister could have, _would have_, been in it.

"Love you…" Mom's voice is getting quieter now, like she's finally settling into a decent sleep.

"I love you too; you're the best Mommy in the world." These aren't just Rinny's words anymore. "I'm not gonna leave you," I nuzzle my nose into the cotton of her shirt.

"Love," Mom whispers one more time before falling asleep completely.

"Please don't be sad anymore, Mommy. And save lots of babies."

"My baby…" her head falls to the side in slumber.

"I'm always here."

Still lying on top of Mom, her arms wrap so tight around me I fear I won't be able to breathe soon. She doesn't want to let Rinny go. But all I want to do right now is cry; I wish Rinny were still here to tell me all of those things I said. I just want my parents to feel better, and my family, and then me, too.

A lump forms in my throat as I lie there awake in silence. Aside from the occasional car driving by outside, I hear nothing except for the chime of the grandfather clock downstairs – it's twelve thirty. And as much as I want to continue to lie here with Mom, I can feel my chest get heavier the more it hits me the fact that she thinks I'm Rinny. I'm not going to lie…sometimes I really wish I was, because no matter how many times my parents tell me how glad they are that I survived, it hurts that I can't do anything to bring her back to them. So if I could sacrifice myself to bring her back, I would.

And _then_ I realize that probably no other six year old in the greater New York state even has any of these thoughts. Why I have to be special, I have no idea.

When it gets to be too much, I wriggle myself out of Mom's grasp and she stirs again. Grabbing Winston, I tip-toe as quietly as I can out of her room before she can wake up and see me. I am too antsy to go back to my room, so as soon as I reach the hallway, I run downstairs with tears streaming down my face. I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I have to do _something_. I trip on the bottom step from moving so fast and stick my arms out to catch myself, dropping Winston and wincing when my left arm hits; I only just got my cast off a couple of weeks ago.

I pull myself up into a sitting position on my knees, apologizing to Winston for dropping him and then kissing his head. Looking up through my watery eyes, I make out a male figure sleeping on the couch in the living room. Thinking it's Daddy, I quickly stand up and run over to him. Except it's not my father, it's Uncle Mark. He must have come over here after I was put to bed four hours ago, because I don't remember seeing him earlier. Probably to talk with Mom.

Suddenly, I'm so angry that it's not my dad, even though he's sleeping on the couch. I'm angry that even though my sister died, Daddy can't come home, at least to be with me. I'm angry that being home hurts him. I'm angry that Rinny left us. Before I can stop myself, a loud wail comes from my mouth as I stand in front of Uncle Mark, who immediately wakes up with a start.

"Laurie, Laurie what's wrong?" He sits up, wearing only a white t-shirt and boxers.

But I just keep crying, choking on sobs.

"Come here, kiddo," he holds out his arms to me and I fall into them.

"Why can't you be Daddy?" I cry, for once not caring if I make someone feel bad. "I want my Daddy!"

"I know you do, sweetheart," he hold me tight on his lap. Normally he's not big into kids, but Rinny and I had always been exceptions. "And I'll bet you he wishes he could be right here with you too."

"No he doesn't!" I choke. "If he wanted to be home he would be home!"

"Laurie," he says my name quietly, to calm me down. "You know he always wishes he could be with you, but sometimes he can't because he has to save someone's life."

"But…but he hasn't been home for so long, and he hasn't tucked me in like he used to, and…and Mommy's always crying…" I lean against his chest.

"I think Mommy just misses your sister. She misses your sister a lot."

"I know," I sigh. "She was crying tonight and…and I could hear her." After crying so hard, I'm having trouble catching my breath. Uncle Mark leans back against the couch cushion, holding me tight.

"I…I went in her room because I just, I just wanted her to sleep but when I told her to sleep she didn't know it was m-me, she thought I was…"

I start crying again and Uncle Mark shushes me, already knowing what I was going to say.

"I didn't want to tell her I wasn't…I wish I could bring her back!" I sob. "Why can't I bring her back?"

"I wish I could bring her back too, kiddo, but we can't. She's-"

"I know she's in heaven! Daddy told me she was in heaven…but I want her back!"

"Shh, Laurie," he pats my back lightly to steady my breathing.

"I'm tired, Uncle Mark," I cry.

"It'll get better, I promise. Did I ever tell you about when I was a little kid?"

"N-no," I sniff.

"Well, when I was your age, my parents…they weren't around very much. I was left with a nanny most of the time, until I got a little older and met your dad. Your grandma and grandpa and dad and aunts, they took care of me. They became like my real family, like the one you get to grow up in. But until then, I was alone, and like you, I was afraid it was never going to get any better. I was afraid I would be alone forever, and that no one would really want me, or love me.

"What I'm saying is, I know you miss Rinny right now, sweetheart, and the truth is you will probably always miss her in some way. But one day, you'll find that you can think about it, and it won't hurt so much, and you won't feel so alone."

"Really?" I whisper against his chest.

"It'll take some time, but you'll be okay, Laurie. And your mommy will be okay too."

"And Daddy will come home?"

"And Daddy will come home. But Laurie, you need to know too that your mommy loves you very much; she loves more than anything in the world. I think it's just hard for her to see you without your little partner in crime right now." He gives a small smile.

"Okay," I nod.

"Laurie, has your Uncle Mark ever lied to you?"

"No," I smile after a little hesitation.

"Good, now that that's settled, why don't we get you back up to bed?"

I just nod again, and he picks me up, carrying me upstairs to my bedroom.

"You're a really good kid, you know that Laurie?" He sits on the edge of my bed after tucking me in.

"Thank you for being here, Uncle Mark," I reach up to hug him.

"I'm always here for you, kiddo. Now try to get some sleep." He kisses my forehead and leaves the room.

* * *

Two hours later, I'm still awake. I'm starting to think I'm never going to sleep again, even though Mom's crying has stopped and the house is quiet. Daddy still isn't here.

Before I can think any further, I shut my door and flip on the light. I pull on a pair of pants, long sleeved shirt, and jacket. Even though it's summer, it'll be chilly outside. Slipping on a pair of shoes, I grab a bag and place Winston inside, after taking off his night gown of course, leaving his head sticking out so he could breathe.

I pick up the picture of Daddy and me on the nightstand. "If you're not gonna come home from the hospital Daddy, then I'm gonna go find you."

Flipping my light off, I tip-toe again through the upstairs of the brownstone. Looking down from the top, I can see the front door, and now that I'm venturing out alone for the first time in my life, it looks so much larger and more ominous.

I take the stairs one at a time, trying not to admit to myself that I'm scared. Making sure that Uncle Mark is asleep again, I shakily walk across the foyer to the door. Unlocking the deadbolt, my hands start to sweat. I want to go see Daddy, but can I really get there by myself in the middle of the night? I don't even know how to get to the hospital.

I lean my forehead against the door, breathing heavily. I want to go, but I can't because no matter how much I wish I wasn't, I am scared. I can't go out there alone, and if Mom woke up and I was gone, she would panic, and I couldn't do that to her. Not after Rinny.

I want to scream and pound my fists against the door, but instead I relock the deadbolt, and run back upstairs. Slamming my door, I kick off my shoes, take the bag off, and throw myself onto my bed, punching my pillow. It's true that Uncle Mark could be right, that this won't last forever, but right now it's just awful. I don't want to "get through it," and I am so tired of being sad.

I just want my sister back.

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**Reviews are warmly welcomed :)**


	8. The Pieces of My Heart Are Missing You

**A/N: So this is a sequel to the one shot I just wrote, When You're Gone, that I decided to write on a whim. It takes place the morning after, and then the rest of that day. Hope you like! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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**The Pieces of My Heart Are Missing You**

**Addison's POV**

**July, 1996**

"I…I thought she was Rinny?" I whisper, after taking a sip out of my coffee mug.

"She came downstairs in the middle of the night; I woke up to her standing right next to me, crying her little eyes out, and loudly I might add," Mark says, coming to sit on the kitchen counter bar stool next to mine. Because it was late and Derek still wasn't home, Mark had offered to sleep on our living room sofa. Now, it's around nine the next morning, and Laurie still hasn't woken up.

"What um, what did she say?"

"She said she heard you crying, and I think she went in your room to try and make you feel better, but you we're sleeping…and thought she was Rinny when she tried to talk to you." Mark's voice gets quiet, and I can feel a lump rising in my throat.

"Oh my gosh," my eyes well up, thinking about how hard that must have been on my little one.

"Addie, don't beat yourself up about this. Laurie's not mad at you, she just wants you to feel better," he reaches for my hand. "We all do."

"I know," I sigh. "But right now it's just hard, and with Derek working so much, sometimes I don't know if I'm going to get through it. Mark I…I can't go through this alone." A couple of tears spill over as I look down at the counter.

"And you're not alone. I'm here, your daughter is here, your brother, Sam and Naomi, Savvy and Weiss, Addie there are a lot of people out there who love you and care about you. And Derek…he'll come around. Right now I think he's just dealing with this in his own way," Mark looks at me.

"I just want him to come home though, you know. I see him at work and he seems so stoic, so out of it; I just wish we could go through this together and he wouldn't pull away so much," I choke.

"Maybe he thinks that working and providing for the family he has left is all he can do right now," Mark shrugs.

"Wow, Mark," I sniff. "I didn't know you were so wise."

"Hey, he's my best friend, and I've seen him go through a major loss before. He'll come around after a while."

"But how long is 'a while?'"

"That I don't know, Addie. Maybe bringing Laurie to the hospital to see him would do some good?"

"Mark, I shouldn't have to bring my daughter to work so that she can see her father," I raise my voice slightly. "She should get to see him come home every day, she should get to have him tuck her in every night, and…"

"She shouldn't have to come downstairs in the middle of the night and find her parents' best friend as the man sleeping in her house, instead of her father," Mark finishes.

"Exactly. God, Mark what kind of mother am I? My six year old comes to take care of me and I don't even know who she is?" I start to cry again, coming back to thoughts of last night. "I should be the one taking care of her, not the other way around."

Mark wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Laurie's a smart kid, she knows you and Derek are having a hard time right now and she just wants to make it better."

"But she lost her sister, her _best friend_. I don't want her to worry about me too."

"Well I hate to break it to you Addie, but that's just who she is. You're raising a good little girl, who just so happens to be the most sensitive kid on the planet. She thinks about other people before herself, and believe me, I know a lot of adults, myself included, who haven't even mastered that yet. You should consider yourself lucky."

"I know," I say quietly, tracing the rim of my mug with my finger. "Hey, um, I don't know if I said this last night or not, but thanks for being here, Mark." I look up at him.

"I'll be here anytime you need me," he smiles, standing up. "But unfortunately I do have to head over to the hospital in a few minutes. Richardson is _finally_ letting me scrub in with him today after about a year of slave labor."

"Oh well then go kick ass and take names," I smile.

"Well ass kicking and name taking are on my resume," he smirks. "Or was that yours? I can never remember."

"Oh just get out of here," I joke, getting up and pushing him towards the door.

"Be sure to say hi to the little one for me when she wakes up," he says, putting on his jacket. "And Addie, don't worry too much about last night, really. She'll be okay. Just spend some time with her today; she knows you're here for her, but maybe today, just let her know a little bit more."

"Again with the wise words; I knew there had to be a reason Derek kept you around," I joke.

"Oh ha ha," he opens the door. "I'll see you later, Addie."

Shutting the door behind him, I turn around and pause only for a moment before heading upstairs to my daughter's room.

Pushing the door open slightly, I notice Laurie lying on her side facing me, hugging Winston and still out like a light. Poor thing must have barely slept last night. Trying my best not to look over at Rinny's still untouched bed, I walk across the room and sit on the edge of Laurie's bed, running the back of my hand over her cheek. Looking at this little girl, I realize Mark was right; I am lucky. I may have lost one child, but I still have another, and she's incredible.

"My baby," I smile, tucking her red hair behind her ear.

I sit with her until she starts to stir. Giving a small yawn and rubbing her eyes, she wakes up and looks at me. I feel a pang in my chest as I notice the redness in her normally beautiful blue eyes – she looks exhausted.

"Mommy?" She yawns again.

When Laurie first learned to talk, until about age four, she only ever called me "Mommy." It was that first time I heard her say the word "Mom" about a year ago that I knew she was growing up, and sooner that I would like. Yet ever since Rinny died, "Mom" seemed to have died too. It's almost as if "Mommy" makes her feel safer now, as she says it with neediness in her voice.

But I'm not complaining.

"Good morning, baby girl," I place a hand on her cheek lightly.

Her big eyes well up almost immediately. She opens her mouth to speak, but instead flips over onto her other side, facing the wall. The lump returns to my throat.

"Laurie," I whisper sadly, running my fingers through her hair. "Honey, what's the matter?" I already know, but I want her to talk to me. Hiding her face when she cries is one habit I wish she hadn't have picked up from me.

"I'm sorry about last night," she cries into Winston's fir.

"Sorry? What on earth are you sorry for?"

She takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry that I can't bring Rin back for you. I'm sorry that I can't be her!"

At that moment I think my heart broke for what felt like the thousandth time over the past three months. I lie down beside her, wrapping an arm around her middle and hugging her tightly to me.

"Oh no, no no baby."

Laurie chokes on a couple of sobs and I kiss the back of her head.

"Laurie, what happened with Rin was _not_ your fault, and no matter how much I miss your sister, that doesn't change how incredibly _lucky_ I am to still have you," I tell her, my lips against her head. "And I know your daddy feels the same way."

"But…but you're so sad all the time and I…I don't like it, and…and Daddy won't come home," she says in between deep breaths.

I squeeze her tighter.

"Sweetheart, it's okay to be sad right now. It's okay to miss Rinny. And Daddy…he misses her too, so much, and he's just, he's dealing with it in his own way. He'll come back soon, I promise."

"I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel better, Mommy," she sobs.

I feel a couple of tears spill over as I lie there, holding my little girl.

"Oh baby girl, you always make me feel better, just by being you. You're the most important thing in the world to me, and I love you so much. I love _you_, and don't you ever think otherwise, okay?" I kiss her head again. "Now, let me see that beautiful face of yours."

Letting out a couple more sobs, she slowly turns around in my arms, her eyes puffy and red.

"There you are," I smile, pushing her hair behind her ear.

For a moment she just looks up at me with her big eyes. Placing a hand on her cheek, I think about all the times people have told me how much Laurie looks like me – the red hair, the shape of her face, her nose, her expressions, everything. Except for her eyes; that deep blue has always belonged to Derek.

"I miss Rinny, Mommy," she whispers, looking down.

"I know you do," I cup her head to my chest. "I know. But we're gonna be okay, we'll always have each other, and Daddy too. I'll always be here for you, Laurie, and next time you hear me in the middle of the night or come into my room, don't be afraid to wake me up, okay? Even if it's just to cuddle," I smile against her head.

"Okay," she sighs, snuggling further into me. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, baby girl," I kiss her forehead. "So much."

We lie together for a half hour in silence, Laurie with her head on my chest and me running my hand up and down her back lightly. After a while she curls up into a little ball against me, like she used to do as an infant when I would rub her back after burping her. Except now that she's bigger, her little feet rest against my side in her attempt to get as small as possible.

Suddenly, an idea hits me. It's a Friday, I'm not expected in at work, this is perfect. Taking Laurie by surprise, I pick her up and spin her around. Standing in the middle of her room, she's looking at me like I've gone crazy. Maybe I have.

"Laurie, honey," I grin at her. "We're gonna go on a little vacation. Just you and me."

* * *

It's been a little over a year since Derek and I bought our house in the Hamptons. Even though we already had the little cabin upstate, we figured this could be good for little weekend trips – something closer and right on the beach. Granted, we don't have the biggest house in East Hampton, but it's everything we need. Especially now, when my daughter and I really just need to get away.

After calling Derek and leaving him a message saying Laurie and I were going to be out there for a couple of nights, we were off. About 45 minutes into the drive, Laurie falls asleep in the back seat, her head leaning against the window.

A little over an hour later, I pull into the driveway of our house, which looks as pretty as ever in the cloudless summer day. Turning around in my seat, I place a hand on Laurie's knee.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," I shake her knee slightly. "We're here."

"Hmm…already?" She yawns.

"Yes, goof ball it's been over two hours," I laugh, getting out of the car to come around and open her door. Picking her up and balancing her on my hip, she nestles her head against my shoulder as we walk inside.

"How long are we staying here for, Mommy?" Laurie asks as I set her down once we get inside.

"Oh just a night or two," I smile, before going back to get our bags.

"But what about Daddy?" She calls from the doorway.

"Honey, I called your daddy and told him we were going to be here. He knows where we are," I set our bags down at the bottom of the stairwell.

"Are you sure? What if he didn't get your message?" Her eyes grow big with worry.

I pick her up again and kiss her little cheek.

"I don't want you to worry about that, sweetheart. Daddy will be okay." I adjust Laurie against my hip as I walk out onto the back deck. Luckily, Derek and I were able to purchase one of the only homes that's right on the beach, giving the kids…well, Laurie now…more space to play and run around.

"What are we gonna do here?" Laurie asks as we sit down on one of the patio chairs, me settling her onto my lap.

"Well, we could…go swimming, build sand castles, go walk into town and get ice cream," I nuzzle my nose against her cheek, making her giggle. "Umm…or we could wash the car, vacuum the floors, clean the windows…"

"No, Mommy!" She laughs. "Vacations aren't for cleaning!"

"But didn't anyone ever tell you? The only reason your daddy and I had kids was so we could have someone to clean the house," I joke.

"What if…I go swim and _you_ clean the house?" She giggles.

"No way!" I gasp. "My own daughter, suggest such a thing…" I pretend to faint, making her laugh some more. "Now go get your swimsuit on!" Tickling her sides, I startle her.

"Okay, okay!" She gets up and runs upstairs with her bag.

An hour and a lot of sunscreen later, I lie out on my stomach in my bathing suit on a beach towel, while Laurie splashes around in the water. I know she's a good swimmer, but because I'm so paranoid, she still has her arm floaties on.

"Mommy, watch this!" She shouts.

She crouches down as a wave comes near the shore, ducking her head underneath the water as it crashes against the sand. Immediately, my heart skips a beat when I see her go underneath the surface, and I feel my palms start to sweat.

"Laurie!" I call out to her.

"Yeah?" She shouts back, standing up. I exhale.

"Honey, please don't put your head under the water."

"But why?" She asks, walking over to the dry sand to stand next to me.

"Because it makes me nervous; some of those waves could be dangerous. Just, stay near the shore from now on, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry, Mommy." She sits down crisscross next to me.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Just humor me," I smile, sitting up next to her.

"I guess this means I need to hug you then?" She grins, opening up her dripping wet arms for a hug.

"Nooo, not until you dry off missy," I give her a look.

"But I think you need one now, Mommy," she moves toward me slowly, and then tackle hugs me to the ground.

"Oh no, I'm all wet!" I laugh as we roll around in the sand. "I think this calls for punishment, young lady." I sit up on my knees and hold up my hands to tickle her.

"Mommy…" Laurie looks at me skeptically, still lying on the sand.

Quickly grabbing her before she can scamper off, I blow a raspberry on her bare belly. She shrieks and then falls into a fit of giggles as I tickle her mercilessly.

"No, no, stop!" She shrieks.

"What's the magic word?" I grin at her.

"Pleeeease! Please! Mommy!" Her head thrashes from side to side in laughter.

"Okay then, that's more like it," I sit up as she tries to catch her breath.

"That was mean," she giggles, pulling off her arm floaties. "I have sand all over me!"

"Well I guess that means we're just gonna have to build a sandcastle," I look at her. "Or I could bury you in the sand. Either way works for me," I wink.

"Sandcastle!" She jumps up go grab a shovel and pail.

"Sandcastle it is then."

As we sit there building tower after tower, I occasionally stop to look at Laurie. We're still grieving, but right now this is exactly what the both of us need – each other.

* * *

After dinner and a bath, Laurie and I sit out on the back deck again cuddled in a blanket, a fire going in the fire pit.

"Did you have fun today, sweetheart?" I ask as she sits on my lap with a book, getting ready to read to me.

"Yeah, I had lots of fun," she leans against my chest. "Thank you for taking me here, Mommy."

"Anytime, baby girl, anytime," I whisper, kissing the top of her head. "So what are we reading tonight, hmm?"

"Narnia!"

"Oooh, my favorite," I kiss her head again as she starts to read.

We get about halfway through the first chapter before I hear a car drive up and a door shut. Laurie gasps and looks up at me with big eyes. She and I both know it could only be one person.

"Daddy," she whispers, putting the book down and getting up off my lap.

"DADDY!" She cries, running through the house and out the front door. Immediately I get up and follow her. Sure enough, Derek is walking toward the house. This is the first time I've seen him outside of work in a week; I wasn't expecting him to come here.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Laurie cries, running into his arms. He picks her up and spins her around.

"Oh I missed you so much!" She mumbles into his neck.

"I missed you too, Buddy," he says quietly, his voice breaking as he looks up at me. He looks exhausted, and has a sadness about him.

"Have you been a good girl?" He forces a smile as she looks up at him.

"The best," she grins, and he kisses her nose.

I lean against the door frame, watching them, until Derek walks toward me, carrying Laurie.

"Addison, I…" But he can't finish, he just pulls me into a tight embrace with his other arm and chokes on a sob, not caring that our daughter could hear it.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers into my neck.

I don't say anything, instead I just run a hand up and down his back and press a kiss to his shoulder.

Like I said, we're all still grieving, but now we can grieve together.

* * *

**Reviews are most welcome :)**


	9. Carolina in My Mind

**A/N: Hello everyone! So I feel like it's been ages since I last published anything, but that's probably because I've been working on like four or five different chapters/stories/one shots all at once so it feels like nothing ever gets done. haha. The idea for this one came to me on a whim, and it's a spin off of when Addison has the flashback of Laurie coming home from soccer camp in chapter 18 of FOW. Laurie is 12 here. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**Carolina in My Mind**

**Addison's POV**

**August, 2002**

The summer after Laurie turned 12, she went to her first ever overnight camp. Being mature for her age, she had convinced Derek and me (well, mostly Derek) that we should let her go to a soccer camp with her best friend Hannah…in North Carolina.

"_Come _on_ Mom, they're the best team in the country! Just think what it would be like to play with them!_"

"_North Carolina isn't THAT far away…just like four-ish states!_"

"_I've saved up enough of my allowance to pay for it myself!_"

I play over her many pleas and reasoning in my head. It's not that I was a particularly overprotective or overbearing mother, but as Laurie got older, I found myself caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand I wanted to watch my daughter grow up into a bright, independent, and beautiful young woman, but on the other I did not want to let anything happen to the only child I had left.

With Derek's help and great perseverance (and because Hannah was going too), Laurie went to North Carolina for her camp…which lasted two weeks. Every morning I remember waking up and checking my calendar, crossing off another day until I saw my daughter again; until I picked her up from the airport, and until she was back safe in my arms. I would count the minutes in the OR until my surgery was finished and I could hear her voice over a phone call.

"It's only two weeks Addie," Derek would chuckle one morning after catching me crossing off my calendar. "She's going to be fine."

But just when I thought the separation anxiety was going to kill me, the day came when it was time to go pick Laurie up from the airport.

"Mommy!" An energetic voice shouts from behind me.

Spinning around, I see Laurie running towards me from her terminal, sporting a baby blue Tar Heel t-shirt.

"There's my girl!" I smile as she throws down her carry-on bag and I open my arms, picking her up in a hug and spinning her around.

"I missed you sweetheart," I tell her, after setting her down but not releasing our hug.

"Yeah," she leans her head against my chest. "Camp was so amazing and fun, and I made a ton of new friends, but I missed you and Dad too much."

I kiss the top of her head twice. "I know," I speak with my lips lightly against her and run a hand up and down her back. "Don't even think about going back next year."

I keep an arm wrapped around her shoulders as we make our way towards the baggage claim.

"So how's Daddy and everybody?" She asks me.

"He's good, everyone's good. Can't wait to see you," I add. "And I can't wait to hear all about this camp, Missy. We need some serious Mommy/Daughter time tonight."

"I take it you've been having withdrawals?" She laughs, leaning her head against me as we walk.

"Like you wouldn't believe," I kiss her head again. "Phone calls just do not cut it."

"You know, I've heard Daddy makes for great company too," she jokes as we stop in front of the baggage carousel to wait. "Remember him, your husband?"

"You just think you're so funny, don't you?" I bend down and wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her cheek.

"Mom! Not in public," she giggles. "Jeez, if I had known leaving for two weeks would make you this clingy, I would have just stayed home and never left your side."

"I hope you know that that's all I ever ask for in life," I respond seriously.

"Mommy," she sighs, placing a hand on my arm. "I think you need a hobby."

Really though, I don't mean to be that overprotective or obsessive, but as a mother who's lost a child, being a little clingy to the only one you've got left just comes with the territory.

"Oh, that one's mine," she pulls away from my grasp to go pick up her bag from the carousel.

I so do not need a hobby.

* * *

"Daddy!" Laurie shouts as we open the front door to the brownstone. It's late afternoon, he should be home from work by now. "Dad, are you home?"

"Is that who I think it is?" Derek calls out, walking into the foyer from the other room.

"Daddy!" Laurie smiles, running into his arms. He picks her up and spins her around before leaving several kisses on her cheek.

"And just when I thought my little Buddy had left me for good," he jokes, but as soon has he looks her in the eye, still holding her up, he gives me a look.

"Addison, who is this girl you brought back from the airport?" He sets Laurie down. "This isn't my little Buddy; she's too tall."

Laurie giggles.

"And look, I've never seen this shirt before," he gestures to her Tar Heel shirt.

"Well I mean this girl sure _looked_ like Laurie…I could have sworn I got the right one," I fake confusion, deciding to play along.

"And this girl is so much more ticklish than Buddy," he laughs, tickling Laurie's sides, making her giggle some more.

"Daddy stop!" She laughs.

"She thinks she can just call me 'Daddy,' Addison. I think we have a problem."

By now I'm having trouble keeping a straight face as our daughter's laugh fills the whole house. Like music to my ears.

"It's me, it's me!" Laurie shouts, knees going weak from being tickled.

"You know what? I think this calls for the ultimate test," Derek ceases the tickling and wraps his arms around Laurie from behind. "Should I go get the soccer ball?"

"Is that a challenge?" She smirks.

"You better believe it, kid."

* * *

"Okay that is so not fair!" Derek bends over, catching his breath as Laurie scores her third goal against him.

I laugh, sitting on a bench watching them scrimmage. I have to admit, our daughter is good.

"You've gotta be quicker that than that, old man!" Laurie laughs, resting the ball underneath her foot.

"Did you hear what she just called me?" Derek walks over to me, pointing towards Laurie, who's now bouncing the ball on top of her knees.

"Oh I did," I smirk, standing up as Derek takes a drink of water. "Can't say I disagree. She kicked your ass."

"First of all," he says quietly. "You so were not calling me an old man last night..."

"Derek!" I swat his arm playfully in response, not wanting Laurie to hear.

"And I'm pretty sure I didn't hear you call me an old man in the shower this morning," he whispers next to my ear before kissing my cheek.

"You give yourself too much credit, dear husband," I wrap an arm around his waist.

"Wait, Dad are you seriously done? What about five out of nine?" Laurie runs over with her ball.

"After you schooled me in three out of five? No way. But, on the bright side, you're definitely my girl. I've taught you well young grasshopper." Derek pulls her into a hug.

"Now all we need to do is be sure not to take our shoes off when we go back in the house," she jokes.

"Ha nice try," I cut in. "Not on my carpet."

The three of us start walking back towards our house.

"Hey Dad, you know what my homecoming really calls for? Aside from kicking your butt at scrimmage?" Laurie asks.

"What?" He laughs.

"Let's just say it's been a while since I've watched _The Godfather_..."

"Oh you guys, please no!" I cut in again.

"Okay, now I _know_ you're mine. Sounds like a deal," he high fives her.

"You couldn't have at least waited a _day_ after she got back to agree to watch that?" I ask.

"That's what makes you love us though, right?" Laurie smiles as we cross the street.

"Although sometimes I question it, yes."

But there's never any question. Even though I've lost a daughter, I can't help but feel happy and complete when I'm around my husband and the wonderful child I have left. Even if we are watching _The Godfather._

* * *

That evening, Laurie and I sit on the living room carpet, in pajama shorts and tank tops thanks to the New York summer heat. She sits in front of me in between my legs as I carefully French braid her wet hair. About an hour ago Derek had to got called in for an emergency craniotomy – one of his patients at the practice got in a freak accident – and while we were both bummed, I'll admit this ended up being exactly the Mommy/Daughter time I needed.

And I'll also admit I'm not exactly crying over not having to endure _The Godfather _yet again.

"Oooh this is my favorite part," Laurie looks up at the TV screen where one of her other favorite movies, _The Sound of Music_ is playing.

"Seriously, out of the whole movie, this is your favorite part?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that? It's cute, Liesl and Ralph, young, innocent lovers meeting in secret just to dance around in the rain? And then she gets her first kiss…" Laurie sighs dreamily.

"Wow, did they make you read Shakespeare at this camp too?" I laugh, tying the hair band as I finish the braid. "Since when did you become such a romantic?"

"I don't know…" Even though I can't see her face, I can tell she's blushing.

"Lauren Maureen, there's something you're not telling me," I gasp dramatically. "Did you meet…a _boy_ at this camp?"

"Mayyybe," she looks down at her hands.

"Oh come on honey, it's me. You can tell me about these things," I wrap my arms around her middle, pulling her back against me.

"Promise you won't wig out if I do?" She leans her head against my chest.

"Since when have I ever wigged out about you and boys?" I rest my chin on her shoulder. "That's your daddy's job."

"Can't argue with that," Laurie laughs. "Okay, well um…his name is Peter and he's from Charlotte, North Carolina. He'll be 13 in September and both his parents went to UNC. The way the camp was set up was they put boys and girls of the same age group together on the same fields, and he was on my field. We kind of started talking during like water breaks and stuff, and then he asked me if I wanted to eat dinner with him…"

"And did you?"

"Yeah, a few times…"

"A few times or 'a few times?'" I joke.

"Mom, I made other friends too…"

"Okay, okay, and then…?"

I'm getting curious now. As much as I love how comfortable my daughter is with talking to me about this kind of thing, I have a feeling we're getting into uncharted territory, and I'm _not_ sure how I feel about that. Laurie's still my baby after all.

"Then, well, we went for a walk through campus one afternoon during free time, and we went by the Old Well…he started telling me that the Well was modeled after the Temple of Love in the Garden of Versailles…"

Boy am I glad Derek isn't home to hear this.

"…and then he just, kissed me. But it was really quick and we didn't do anything else," she adds quickly.

For some reason, I feel my eyes prickle. My little girl just told me about her very first kiss; I'd been dreaming about this moment since the day she was born. Subconsciously, I hold her tighter against me.

"Laurie," I mumble, my cheek resting against her shoulder. "You had your first kiss."

She giggles.

"Yeah I, I guess I did. You're still okay though right? No wigging?"

"No, no, there's no wigging," I sigh. "I just can't believe my little girl is growing up."

"Mom! That's wigging!"

"It is not. It's an observation," I argue. "If I had sent you to this camp two years ago you wouldn't come back telling me this - at least I hope you wouldn't...you're growing up." I kiss her temple.

"First of all, you _never_ would have sent me that far away two years ago. And second, haven't you heard of ten year old's gone wild? It's like the newest thing..."

"What?" I laugh.

"Nothing, nothing..."

"Okayy then," I keep my arms around her.

"You're um, you're not gonna tell Dad about this are you?" Laurie turns around in my grasp and looks at me sheepishly, biting her lower lip.

"I will only if you want me to," I run a hand over her hair, playing with the end of her braid.

"I think, I mean it's not that I don't want him to know, I just feel like he'll get mad at me or something."

"Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Every girl deserves to have a good first kiss. Your daddy just happens to be a little...overprotective when it comes to you and boys. I don't think he'll ever _not_ see you as his little girl."

"I know, and I love him for it, but right now I don't really wanna be a little girl."

"And that's understandable, but Laurie, when you were born you were just about as long as his forearm. And he used to sit there and hold you for hours, even when you grew and had to graduate to his lap. I think it's gonna be a while before he can watch you with a boy and not get those images out of his head."

"I know, I know," she sighs, leaning back against me and turning on her side. The movie still plays in the background - Maria just caught Liesl trying to sneak back into the house after being out with Ralph.

"So...was it a good kiss?" I smile.

"Yeah," she smiles sheepishly again. "Yeah it was. He was really sweet about it, and it wasn't weird. We just walked back to our dorm and I mean we didn't pretend like it didn't happen, but you know he lives there and I live here so we didn't really want to go anywhere with it..."

"A 12 year old long distance relationship, now that's something, Juliet."

"Mom, Juliet was in a _forbidden_ relationship, not long distance. Read your Shakespeare. And we're just gonna write letters and stuff now, we want to stay friends."

"Well believe or not honey, I think this is great." And I do, despite the whole little girl growing up thing; I'm glad this was with someone she likes.

"Thanks," she says, linking her fingers with mine around her middle. "I love you, Mom. Thanks for being so supportive."

"I love you too, baby girl. And hey, that's my job, but don't think this means I like not seeing you for two weeks at a time. Like I said, you're not going back next year," I hug her tightly again.

"I suppose this means you're going to be campaigning for me to go to college in New York then when the time comes?"

"Oh you better believe it. You're not going to Stanford without a fight."

"Whatever you say, Mommy. But there's one more thing I forgot to mention..."

"What is it?" I breathe in the scent of her shampoo.

"Don't think I didn't notice you went and got a pedicure without me," she says seriously, referring to my freshly done red toenails.

"Hey, I had to do _something_ while you were away..."

"Because surgery just isn't enough anymore?"

"Aww, is someone feeling left out?" I tickle her ribs. "Does someone need me to paint her toenails?"

She turns around, giving me the puppy dog eyes.

"Okay, okay, go pick out a color," I smile as she gets up and runs upstairs.

It's good to have my best friend back.

* * *

**Your reviews always make me smile for miles :)**


	10. A Montgomery Family Reunion

**A/N: Hellooo! I'm back! I can't believe it's been a month since I updated...fail. Blame school. Anywho, I've been working on this one shot for a while now, so I really hope you all enjoy. Gotta love some typical Bizzy snark. Oh yeah, and I'm currently working on chapter 30 for "Finding Our Way," so hopefully that will go up sooner rather than later. Thank you all so much for sticking with me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except two adorable baby girls.**

* * *

**A Montgomery Family Reunion**

**Addison's POV**

**March, 1990**

"Addie, it's going to be fine," Derek tells me for what feels like the millionth time as we drive up to my parents' estate in Connecticut. Bizzy and the Captain are hosting the annual Montgomery family reunion, something I have very diligently been able to avoid until now.

"The event is being hosted at our house. As our daughter, it would be inappropriate and ill-mannered for you not to be there, Addison," Bizzy had said to me last week on the phone.

Sitting in the front seat of the car, I groan inwardly.

"I have done my absolute best to avoid these things since I moved out and went to college, and the _one_ time I 'have' to go just so happens to be right after I have children, who now have to go through it too. My parents don't even have a stable marriage; this is just another way for them to fake it to everyone."

"I know, I know," Derek responds, not taking his eyes off the road. "And I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say about them, including that they weren't very good parents to you. But they are our daughters' grandparents, and a part of me thinks we should at least give them a chance…for our kids," he adds.

I sigh. "You're right. I don't like it, but you're right." I turn around in my seat and look at my two baby girls, asleep in their car seats, and blissfully unaware of the complicated maternal family to which they were born. Reaching my arm out, I run my hand along Laurie's little leg.

For the first time in their lives, I had put her and Rinny in dresses this morning, per Bizzy's request. Same dress, but Laurie's is purple and Rinny's pink.

"They look like dolls," Derek had said, picking up Laurie, who had cried the entire time I dressed her, and apologizing for putting her through such trauma.

"You think I would have made them wear these if I had a choice? If we don't show up with the twins in dresses I will never hear the end of it…"

Derek didn't argue with that. Really, there's no arguing with my mother, no matter who you are.

"And we're here," my husband pulls into the very long driveway to my parents' house.

"It'll be over before you know it, little ones," I say to the twins before getting out of the car.

"Oh thank God you're finally here," I groan inwardly at the sound of my mother's voice from the doorway. "People have just been dying to see the twins!"

I turn around after taking Laurie out of her car seat, holding her to my chest.

"Hello to you too, Bizzy," I give her as much of a smile as possible.

"You should have been here an hour ago. Come on, everyone's waiting inside."

Immediately as we walk in we're surrounded by a large crowd of snobby rich people. Silently, I curse my older brother for not bothering to show up; of course Bizzy wouldn't make him attend, but the least he could have done was be here so I don't get fed to the sharks alone.

"Oh come on, Addie, that's what that husband of yours is there for," Archer had told me over the phone. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Laurie, who usually loves human contact and attention, hides her face against my neck. It's almost as if at three months old, she already knows who to avoid.

"Oh just look at her," one of my aunts gushes, walking up to me. Unfortunately, the one aunt who I would actually like to see – Rinny's middle namesake, Angela – passed away three years ago. Yet another person to leave me alone with the sharks.

Derek and I don't even bother asking anyone if they want to hold either baby; we both know no one would want to ruin their clothes. Lucky for us, no one even asks. Standing next to one another in the living room, we take question after question. However, those people who were all "dying to see the twins" hardly even ask about them.

"You look pale, you must hardly get any sleep anymore!" A cousin of mine scoffs. "I would never have children…who has the time for screaming little things anyway? And just imagine the stretch marks!"

Derek opens his mouth to retort but I beat him to it.

"Believe it or not, they're actually well-behaved babies. So before you go making assumptions, I sleep five hours a night." And the stretch marks are so worth it, but I don't say that out loud.

The rest of the afternoon goes somewhat like this: my husband and I toting around a baby. Me wishing I could have a drink. My husband giving me his baby so he can go get a drink. Someone commenting on how pale I look. Someone commenting on my weight. Me wishing I could have a drink. And did I mention I wish I could have a drink?

Snapping me out of autopilot, the twins start to fuss. They're hungry.

"Addison, your 'well-behaved babies' are giving me a headache," Bizzy sighs from across the room.

"Don't worry Mother, I got it." I make sure to give her a look before heading upstairs, Derek on my heels.

"I'm in hell," I snap, pushing open the door to one of the guest rooms with my shoulder.

"You also might have to be the one to drive home tonight," Derek finishes, sitting down on the bed and rubbing his temples.

"I swear to God, we are never bringing them up here again. I don't want them growing up with this."

"And where has your father been this whole time? I thought you said this was a time for your parents to 'fake it?'"

"That's what I thought too. Apparently not. He's probably back in the guest house screwing the maid or something," I reply tartly, handing Derek the twins so I can get set up the pillows on my lap before feeding them.

He makes a face, not wanting to think further into it, before handing me the girls.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly," I tell him. "Mommy's so sorry you two have to go through this," I look down at my two daughters. Rinny looks up at me before latching on. "I promise you Daddy's family is much better."

Derek snorts. "Yeah, because annoying girly sisters with tons of kids is so much better…"

"At least they're _nice_ annoying sisters, and kids for Laurie and Rinny to play with. Not condescending, snobby, obnoxious…"

"I think I got it, honey," Derek interrupts.

I sigh again, running my thumbs over the girls' cheeks. Derek wraps an arm around my shoulders and I lean my head against him.

"As much as I want you to stay here with us, I think you should go make nice," I say after a moment. "Bizzy likes you more than me; go socialize and make her brag about you or something."

"Addie…"

"Or at least go have a drink for me. I'm dying here."

He chuckles. "Okay, okay. Whatever you say, boss. I love you." He kisses my cheek before leaving me alone with Laurie and Rinny. I look down at them and sigh.

"I hope today doesn't traumatize you too much."

* * *

The twins have been nursing for about 30 minutes when not only does the bedroom door open, startling the girls _and_ me, but instead of it being my husband, who I would actually like to see, it's my mother.

"Oh, sorry dear I didn't realize you were using this room," she says, but makes no move to leave.

"Um, that's okay," I adjust the two babies on the pillow, wishing I had covered them with a blanket for more privacy. Then again, I didn't exactly picture someone walking in on us other than Derek. "They should be almost finished. Only takes about a half hour."

"So you're actually breastfeeding then?" Bizzy asks, trying her very best not to look too disgusted by the sight.

"It would appear that way," I reply. "How else do you suggest I feed them?"

"You don't seriously think I did that with you, do you?"

"Well that's where you and I are different," I look down at Laurie, on my right side. "I'm not going to hire someone to feed my babies, or give them a bottle just because it makes my mother uncomfortable. And since I took this term off from school, I'm around more. I have time for them."

Bizzy walks over and sits in a chair by the small table in front of the window. My first reaction is to be annoyed that she won't leave us alone, but honestly this is the closest she's come to her granddaughters since we got here.

"I'm only saying, you're a Forbes Montgomery. You have to be careful where you go about doing something like that. It's inappropriate."

"It's breastfeeding, Bizzy. Millions of women do it every day, and it's not like I go sit in the middle of Saks and rip my shirt off." I try to keep my voice down for the sake of the twins.

"Oh Addison, really," Bizzy makes a face.

"I'm just saying you act like it's the end of the world. And you acted as if putting them in anything but these ridiculous dresses would be the end of the world."

"You seem to have quite a bond with them," she adds after a moment, ignoring my jab. I look down at Laurie and Rinny and smile.

"I guess I just never knew it was possible to love two people so much, until I had them. I mean, obviously I love Derek and other people in my life, but this is a different kind of love. I'd give up my life for either one of them, no question. I'd do anything for them…"

"It's the mark of a mother dear," Bizzy looks down at her hands.

For a moment I just sit there, still propped against the pillows on the bed, and watch my mother. Growing up, she was one of the coldest most withholding people I knew. She never even held my hand, let alone told me she loved me. So what did I just hear?

"Yeah it is," I whisper, running my thumb along Rinny's cheek. Although three months old, her head still fits perfectly against the palm of my hand.

"Do you always keep them together like that?" Bizzy asks.

"They don't really like to be separated," I tell her. "Like I said, they're pretty easy babies, but not when they're apart for long periods of time."

It's almost as if I jinxed her that Laurie starts to stir and pulls her mouth away at the same time I said that. Resting Rinny, who's still nursing, against the pillow, I cover myself back up with my shirt and situate Laurie to burp her. But before I start patting her on the back, a thought occurs.

"Do you want to hold her?" I ask my mother.

"Oh, um, no that's quite alright dear. I'm wearing silk," Bizzy stammers. "And besides, I didn't even do this for you."

"She won't hurt you, Bizzy, she's a baby; a baby who, right now, needs to be burped."

"Addison, really, she looks fine where she's at."

"Okay, fine," I say, using one hand to pat Laurie's back lightly.

Bizzy sighs.

"Fine, give her here."

"No, don't worry about it. I don't want to inconvenience you," I say flatly.

"Addison, don't be difficult. I'll take the baby," she stands up to take Laurie. Reluctantly, I hand over my daughter.

"She better not spit up on me…" Bizzy mutters, sitting back down with Laurie after placing a cloth over her shouler.

"Ha, Laurie's spit up maybe five times since she was born, unlike this one who does it at least once a day. I think you'll be fine. If anything she'll just fall asleep on you."

Bizzy looks to the side at the little baby against her shoulder and pats her back lightly. Laurie gurgles.

"Addison you said she wasn't going to spit up!"

"Calm down, she's just talking to you," I chuckle, gesturing to the still very clean cloth on my mother's shoulder.

"Oh…" she looks at Laurie again.

"You can talk back to her if you want. I do it all the time," I look down at Rinny. "Huh?"

Rinny opens her eyes and looks up at me. Born almost a pound heavier than her sister, she eats more.

"Hello pretty girl," I smile down at her. I wonder if my mother is thinking about how different we are as parents as much as I am right now.

"Well, okay…" Bizzy looks at me with uncertainty. "Hello," she says to Laurie. "I haven't done this in a while…"

She probably hasn't done this, ever, I think to myself. Laurie gurgles some more against her shoulder, trying to lift up her head.

"You know, this would probably be much more fun if you would just burp," Bizzy mutters. I chuckle.

"But I bet you're going to grow up to be just as stubborn as your mother…"

"Hey!" I cut in, as Rinny pulls her mouth away finally. "I am not stubborn," I tell her, fixing my shirt and situating Rinny to burp her.

"Oh please, dear, let's not have this argument again. Face it, these girls don't stand a chance against your stubbornness gene."

I roll my eyes, patting Rinny's back. She turns her face toward my neck, and I already cringe thinking about the spit up that's bound to happen.

"You can definitely tell Katherine is Derek's daughter," she gestures to Rinny's dark hair.

"That you can," I kiss Rinny's head, continuing to pat her back. "Do you look like your Daddy, little one?"

Rinny yawns in response, making me chuckle.

"Laurie's got his eyes too," I note.

"Oh I…I hadn't noticed," Bizzy turns her head to look at Laurie again. She's got her eyes closed and probably isn't far from falling asleep. "She's sure taking her time to burp though."

"I can take her back if this is taking too long for you, you know."

"Addison, I said it's fine. Just let it go."

"Fine."

"Fine."

I sigh, and not a moment later Laurie burps.

"Told you it would be painless," I mutter.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," I look back up at Bizzy, who's now holding a very much asleep little girl. "Looks like she fell asleep on you. Good luck putting her down; Laurie likes human contact when she sleeps."

"Does she?"

"Mhmm. Your heartbeat calms her."

"She's beautiful, you know," Bizzy whispers. "She looks just like you did."

Was that yet another compliment, in one day? Really?

"Both my girls are beautiful," I answer automatically.

"Would you mind if I took Lauren downstairs for a little while? I know she's asleep, but I'll be out on the patio with your aunt. It won't be too loud."

I try not to look too surprised at Bizzy willingly spending time with one of her granddaughters.

"Um, no not at all," I tell her. "I'm sure Derek would like to see her anyway. I'll be down in a minute…don't want to keep them separated for too long."

"Alright then. Thank you, Addison." My mother stands up, carefully placing a hand on Laurie's tiny back before walking out of the room.

I look over at Rinny, who miraculously manages to burp _and_ keep all contents in her stomach – a first.

"Well would you look at that, Rin? Your grandmother has a soft side after all. Who knew." I smile, kissing her head again. "Maybe all it took was you and your sister…"

Rinny looks up at me, following my voice. Bizzy was definitely right – there's way more of Derek in Rin than me – but that would never make me love her any less.

As if on cue, Derek enters the room.

"How's it going up here?"

"Oh you know, not bad," I tell him. "You'll never believe this, but Bizzy was just here."

"Seriously?" Derek sits down next to me on the bed, picking up Rinny's chubby little hand and kissing it. She gurgles in response.

"Yeah, and not only did she burp Laurie, but she took her downstairs to sit with Aunt Sarah."

"Well then I guess we could say that Laurie's made her first friend," he leans back against the headboard. "Although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I should probably go rescue her at some point."

"Ha, all she had to do was fall asleep and Bizzy suddenly went into baby mode. I wish you could have been here to see it; maybe this hell isn't as bad as I thought."

I move the two pillows away and pull my knees up, leaning Rinny back so she's resting against my thighs. Her blue-green eyes are bright as she looks up at her father and me. I lean my head against Derek's shoulder.

"Derek," I mutter, caressing Rinny's soft arm.

"Yeah?"

"I'm so glad we did this."

"Did what? Come to the reunion?"

"No, this," I gesture toward Rinny, who's currently got her little fingers wrapped around my own. "The girls. I know they weren't planned and I'm taking a term off from school and everything, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm glad we didn't wait, and I'm glad I have two babies with you."

Derek tilts my chin upward with his hand so that I'm looking at him. Slowly, he kisses my lips.

"Mmm that's borderline inappropriate to do in front of our daughter…" I smirk.

"Nah, Rin doesn't mind, do you sweetheart?" He tickles her little belly and she coos at us, giving another one of her almost-there smiles. Derek kisses my cheek and then shoulder a few times.

"Hmm honey…I told Bizzy I'd be down soon. Rin will start to miss her sister, or vice versa."

"I think that must be a twin thing," he muses. "I've never missed my sisters as much as these two manage to miss each other, and they're only three months old."

Derek reaches his arms out to take his daughter as we both stand up. Straightening my shirt, I follow him to the door. Rinny immediately makes herself comfortable and snuggles into his neck.

"Oh, honey, one more thing." I place a hand on Derek's shoulder and he turns to look at me.

"What is it, Addie?"

"I love you."

He smiles.

"I love you too."

* * *

In a somewhat better mood, I head back downstairs with Derek and Rinny. Talking to her, he walks around with Rinny, who gurgles back at him. I smile at the sight before grabbing a glass of sparkling water and going to search for my mother and baby.

Still sitting out on the patio with Aunt Sarah, Bizzy looks deep in conversation. I smile again, noticing Laurie awake and active in her grandmother's arms. Now that she's older and can see farther, after a moment of watching them, Laurie looks over Bizzy's shoulder at me and I wave at her playfully. Laurie responds by attempting to stick her entire left fist in her mouth, then placing a spit-covered hand on Bizzy's cheek.

I walk toward them, with a smile on my face and every intention of being cordial with my mother, but that smile soon disappears as soon as I hear the words coming out of her mouth.

"…I'm not saying my granddaughter isn't a good baby, I'm saying I still think it was a mistake for Addison to have children so young, when she had so much potential. Now that she's taking a term off from school, who knows if she'll even want to go back…"

I feel the anger bubble up inside me almost immediately after overhearing my mother. And the fact that she could say that while holding my baby (who is _awake_) at the same time makes me sick to my stomach.

"What did you just say?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

Bizzy stands up, startled, and turns to face me.

"I didn't realize you were out here…"

"Yeah, well I am." I walk over and take Laurie from her before she can so much as protest. The baby fusses; I've startled her too. "I can't believe you could say something like that about your own grandchildren. _Mistakes?_ Really?!"

My aunt looks uncomfortable, sitting in her chair and waiting for the inevitable fight to break out. But right now I don't even care.

"Addison you're overreacting. This is not the time."

"I don't give a damn what time it is," I cup Laurie's head to my chest, covering her ear. "Did you mean _anything_ you said up in the bedroom? Were you even trying to bond with me or the girls?"

I turn around and march back into the house, looking for Derek and Rinny. We're going home. I don't want to spend another minute with these people I'm supposed to consider family.

"Addison, where do you think you're going? Do not just walk away from me!" Bizzy walks quickly after me.

"You know, I actually thought after that talk up in the bedroom that today wouldn't be so bad after all, but turns out I was wrong. We are going home. Feel free to come visit when you and everyone else can accept my life for what it is."

"What's going on?" Derek spots Bizzy and me about to get in yet another fight and immediately tries to break it up.

"Oh good, I was just looking for you. We're leaving." I head towards the door again.

"Wait, Addison what happened?" Derek looks concerned.

"I'll tell you in the car. I'm not spending another minute here."

"Addison, you're being irrational. You know what I said was true, no matter how much you don't want to believe it."

"You know what...no, that's where you're wrong. Having children and taking time off from school was _my_ decision, not anyone else's. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are, and it's about time you and EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS DAMN HOUSEHOLD accepts that." I raise my voice during the last bit. "Goodbye, Bizzy."

* * *

20 minutes later, I'm driving while Derek sits in the back seat with two fussy babies. I know they were startled by our abrupt departure, and I feel bad, but right now I just want to get home.

"You gonna tell me what happened yet?"

Crap.

"I just…what Bizzy said…"

"What did she say, Addison?"

"It was about the twins…"

I can hear Derek take in a deep breath behind me. I glance in the rear view mirror; Rinny's got her fingers wrapped around his thumb.

"She said I made a mistake in having them, or rather, having kids so young, since I'm taking time off from school and what not. And she didn't say this part straight out, but I'm pretty sure the thinks I'll never make something of myself now that I have them." I feel a lump make its way to my throat. Just the thought of that makes me upset; if anything, my children make me want to be a _better_ person, and make something of myself. I want to make them proud of me.

Derek is silent in the back seat.

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't have anything to say," I sigh.

"Well…there's not a whole lot I _can_ say. She's obviously wrong. How could she even say such a thing? School or no school, you're still the smartest person I know. Now, you're just a smart person with children. Doesn't make you any less smart…"

I smile from the front seat and stick my arm out behind me. Derek immediately takes my hand and leans forward to kiss it.

"Even when you don't know what to say, you still make me feel better."

"It's all part of the husband code, honey," he squeezes my hand.

"The 'husband code?'" I laugh.

"Don't ask."

"Okay then…"

"Addie, the only thing that matters is that you're happy, and you're where you want to be in life. You have two great kids and go to one of the best medical schools in the country. Oh yeah, and you have a pretty handsome husband. I'd say you have it made."

I laugh some more, taking my hand back. "Please, leave some room for our kids back there with your big head."

"Come on, I do not have a big head."

"You so do," I shoot back. "Just wait until you're actually a surgeon."

"Girls, does Daddy have a big head?" He asks the twins. "Ha, Laurie just shook her head! Eat your words, dear wife."

I glance in the rear view mirror again. Laurie is asleep.

"Then I think we should report Laurie a child genius – being able to shake her head 'no' _and_ sleep at the same time. Nice try, honey…"

I feel better for most of the car ride home, thank to Derek and our banter. It never seems to get old. It's not until I pull into the driveway and carry Rinny into the house that I feel down all over again; like I'm a bad mother, or even though it's not possible yet, that my children think they're mistakes.

It's dark when we get home, and way later than when the twins are normally put in their cribs for the night. After one more feeding, I sit in the rocking chair with them, watching them sleep. Derek's already gone to bed, per my instruction; I didn't want to make him stay up and deal with this any longer, especially because in my heart I know what Bizzy said isn't true. The twins are _not_ mistakes.

"I don't want you two to ever think that you were mistakes, or that you're not loved," I whisper to them. "I love you more than anything else in the world. Your mommy loves you so much, and Daddy, and you have a whole other family that loves you too."

The twins continue to snooze against my chest as I rock back and forth. I kiss both of their little foreheads, lingering just to feel their soft skin against my lips. Since I'm sitting in a dark room, it takes me a moment to realize that Laurie and Rinny are holding hands across my chest in their sleep. I could almost cry; sitting with these two beautiful little girls, I take comfort knowing that whatever happens to me or Derek, or anyone else in their lives, my daughters will always have each other.

* * *

**Reviews would be lovely :) Thanks for reading!**


	11. The First Christmas

**A/N: Hey all, so here's another one shot I've been meaning to publish for some time now - the Shepherd family's first Christmas without Rinny. Thanks so much for sticking with me, and I hope you like this little story :)**

* * *

**The First Christmas**

**Lauren's POV**

**December, 1996**

It seems like I've been in denial for the entire month, because up until now I didn't actually believe this day would come. December 25, 1996; our first Christmas without Rinny.

Normally, my sister and I would be bouncing off the walls from Thanksgiving onward, in anticipation of this magical day. Our parents had always loved winter and the Christmas season; Mom always said December was her favorite month, first because of Christmas, and then because it was the month she became a Mommy. Needless to say the both of them definitely instilled in us from the beginning to love Christmas and the holidays, and to think of it as a time for family and for giving to others.

But this year feels different. After getting home from midnight Mass late last night, I had gone straight to bed, not wanting to think about the morning. Very little words were shared between my parents and me because I think all three of us were already sad, thinking about what was to come. The same could be said for a couple of weeks ago too, when I turned seven. Another first without Rinny – our birthday had suddenly become my birthday, and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't want a party. I didn't want anything except my sister back.

I remember Daddy coming into my room the morning of December 9th, scooping me into his arms and telling me how glad he is that I was born. He asked me if I wanted to stay home from school, but I had said no. Rinny wouldn't have wanted me to miss out on seeing my friends and classmates that day. I didn't see Mom until a few hours after I got home that afternoon, and I think that had been the first time she had gotten out of bed all day. I could see the pain in her eyes even from just looking at me, and seeing that made me feel almost as if I were losing my sister all over again.

Lying in bed on Christmas morning, I can't help but think about all of this, and how it's doomed to repeat itself on what used to be one of Rinny's favorite days of the year.

Looking over at Rinny's side of the room, most of her stuff is now put away, and the bed is made. Daddy did most of that about a month ago when I was at school. Only once did I walk in on him, and he was doubled over sitting on her bed, sobbing like I had never seen him sob before. Even though I was scared, I had gone over to him and rested my head on his knee until he composed himself, then he picked me up and didn't let me go for pretty much the rest of the night.

"Merry Christmas, Rin," I say to no one in particular. "I hope you got to dance the Nutcracker in heaven."

Oh yeah, there's that too. Basically, after Rinny died I never went to another ballet class, and didn't want to hear anything about it. There was even one day when my parents' friend Savvy was babysitting me, we were going for a walk downtown and without thinking we had walked straight into Lincoln Square, and there were signs for the NYCB everywhere. Once I realized where we were I literally threw a fit; tantrums have never really been my thing, but this time there was no calming me down.

I look over at the clock on my nightstand. It's 8:00am - the latest I could ever remember sleeping in on Christmas. But that's because there's no one to jump on my bed and wake me up anymore.

Sitting up slowly, I grab Winston and head into the hallway. I don't really want to go downstairs but I don't want to stay in my room either. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave me very many more options. As I pad further down the hall, squeezing my teddy bear, I hear Daddy's voice; it's soft, like he's trying not to wake a baby.

Before I can comprehend it, however, I walk straight into his and Mom's room. He's sitting up, leaning against a pillow while Mom lay on her side, facing him and wiping her eyes.

"Daddy?" I look at him.

Mom immediately sits up and takes a deep breath; for some reason she thinks I won't notice she was crying. Really though, I don't think she's stopped crying for most of this month. Daddy holds his arms out for me.

"Merry Christmas, Buddy," he kisses the top of my head as I snuggle into his lap.

"Merry Christmas," I respond, as Mom looks down and smiles at me through her red-rimmed eyes.

"Did you and Winston sleep well?" Daddy asks, giving my little bear a kiss too.

"Uh-huh," I nod. "I..."

I stop myself from telling them what I was about to say next.

"What is it?" Daddy asks.

"I had a dream where Rinny was dancing. We were watching her dance in ballet slippers." My voice drops to a whisper near the end. I hear Mom take in another deep breath beside me and her tears spill over again.

Daddy holds me tighter.

"Was it a good dream, baby?" He asks.

"Yeah, she...she was happy," I tell him, nuzzling my nose against his chest. "She wanted to dance in the Nutcracker this year."

Daddy nods, remembering when I told this to him and Mom a few months ago.

"She's your guardian angel now," he kisses my head again. "I think maybe this was her trying to tell you that she's okay, that she's happy."

Mom chokes on a sob beside us and Daddy wraps an arm around her. Her face is only a few inches from mine now and I can see the red in her eyes more than ever. I place my small hand against her cheek and she kisses it.

"You think she knows it's Christmas?" I ask.

"Yeah, Buddy, I do," Daddy answers. "I don't think Rin would ever forget about Christmas, no matter what," he chuckles.

"Yeah," I smile, thinking of Rin on Christmas. "You're right. She would probably be mad at me for not opening any presents yet."

"For some reason you two always thought six o'clock in the morning was the best time to do that," Daddy laughs.

"That was always her idea! She would wake me up!" I giggle, looking over at Mom, who's smiling through her tears with her head against Daddy's shoulder. She still hasn't been able to say anything.

"Yeah, yeah that's what they all say," he tickles my ribs, making me laugh some more. It feels good, to talk about Rinny and be able to laugh about her. In my heart of hearts, I know that's what she would want, for us to have happy memories of her, but sometimes it's just hard, and I have to cry.

"Daddy?" I look up at him. "What are we gonna do today?" I ask like I'm almost afraid to hear his answer. Usually we would drive up to Connecticut after opening presents and do dinner and what not at my Grandma Carolyn's house. But this year no one's talked about anything, so I haven't asked.

"What would make you feel better today, Buddy?" He asks me in return.

I look over at Mom and sigh. She silently wraps an arm around me, looking like it'll be difficult to even get out of bed today. As I sit there, I think about what my sister would want, were she still here. She would want us to go to Grandma's house like we always do. She would want to play with our cousins and be with family, not holed up in our house.

"I think Rin would want us to be with family," I say quietly. "But I just wanna be with you, too." I snuggle further into him. As much as I love my family, I don't know how long I want to be around a lot of people today.

"Well, what about if I go downstairs and call Grandma, see if we can head up late this afternoon?" He looks over at Mom. I feel bad; I don't want to make her do something she doesn't want to do, but at the same I know this is what Rinny would want.

"It's what she would want," Mom whispers, the first words I've heard her say all morning.

"Okay, then," Daddy kisses her head and puts me down gently, getting up to go call Grandma.

Immediately I lie down with my head on his pillow, snuggling into Mom. No words are exchanged between us, but the way she holds me and runs her fingers through my hair are words enough.

* * *

A half hour later, all three of us finally make it downstairs. I was extremely hesitant, and probably stood at the top of the stairs for a solid ten minutes before Mom scooped me up and carried me down.

"We're gonna do this together, okay?" she whispers, kissing my temple.

My head resting against her shoulder, we walk down the stairs slowly. I don't know whether or not Mom's seen the sitting room yet, where the tree is, but regardless I appreciate her doing this with me.

I close my eyes, breathing in the smell of her body lotion and delaying the sight of my first Christmas morning without my sister. When we reach the threshold of the back living room, Mom whispers for me to open my eyes.

"Look, baby girl, it's snowing," she runs the back of her hand over my cheek as I slowly lift my head from her shoulder.

We're standing right in front of the window in the living room, so I can't see the tree or anything yet; now, all I see are the tiny white flakes falling from the grey morning sky, and already a couple of inches on the ground. If Rinny were still here, we would probably be begging to go out and play in it. Before I can respond with the first question that comes to mind, Daddy comes over and wraps an arm around us, kissing Mom's temple.

"Can we maybe go out and make snow angels later, Mommy? That way Rinny can be here with us, because she's an angel."

Mom hugs me tighter and chokes on another sob.

"Yes, Laurie. We can make snow angels later."

"Do you wanna go see what's under the tree, Buddy?" Daddy asks me, placing a hand on my back.

"The tree?" I ask him stupidly, as if I'd never heard of such a thing.

"You don't think Santa forgot about you, do you?"

"I...I don't know. I didn't ask him for anything..." I look down. "I don't want anything, I just want my sister back."

"I know you want her back, honey, but remember what you said before? About how she'd want you to be with family, and to be happy?"

"I guess so," I feel another lump coming into my throat. "But it's not fair!" I nuzzle my face into Mom's neck and cry; for the first, and probably not last, time today, I cry with every ounce of sadness I have in me. She and Daddy walk over to the couch and sit down, and I settle on her lap.

"Shh, Laurie," she whispers, leaning into Daddy's chest.

"I miss her so much," I sob into her shoulder. "I can't do this." Suddenly, coming downstairs just makes everything feels like too much; the snow, the presents, the family, this holiday.

Mom doesn't respond, probably because nothing she could say would make herself feel better, let alone me. Instead she rubs my back gently and lets Daddy do the talking.

"You can do this, Laurie," he wraps an arm around us. "I know it's hard right now. First times are always hard, but..." his voice cracks. "I promise it'll get easier, you just need to give it some time. We just need to give it some time. Nothing is going to feel normal, not for a while, but we just need...we need to move forward."

I notice Daddy is holding back tears, seeing me still crying.

"You don't think Rinny would want you to hate Christmas forever, do you?"

"No," I sniff, trying to catch my breath. Mom continues rubbing soft circles on my back, trying to calm me down.

"She loved you so much, Buddy. She would hate to see you this sad."

"I...I know. She loved you too, Daddy."

"We're never going to forget her, sweetheart. I couldn't even if I tried, and neither could Mommy."

"I know," I sigh, bringing my head up from Mom's shoulder to wipe my eyes. Sitting up, I look at both my parents; they both look so sad.

"Should we go see what's under the tree?" Daddy asks again after a moment.

I give him a small smile and nod. Slowly, Mom stands up, still holding me, and we walk into the sitting room.

I gasp as I see the tree for the first time, all lit up and beautiful, and with at least a dozen presents underneath it, from relatives, my parents, and of course, Santa Claus, and the one special present I got for both of my parents, to be opened last.

"Merry Christmas, baby," Mom says quietly, kissing my cheek.

"Merry Christmas," I respond, still staring at the tree.

I stay sitting in my mother's lap on the floor as we open gifts, comforted by her arms that are kept loosely wrapped around my middle. Sometimes I think she wishes it were my sister she could hold, like she used to do every Christmas when we opened gifts, but for now I'm just glad I can also give her the comfort that she needs. I love everything I got – a new soccer ball, clothes, shoes, almost a dozen books, and a hand-knitted sweater for Winston from Grandma – now I hope Mom and Daddy will like what I got for them. What my sister and I got for them.

Crawling off of Mom's lap, I grab the rectangular shaped box from under the tree.

"Uncle Mark helped me wrap it," I tell them, handing the box to Mom before sitting down crisscross in front of her. She takes a deep breath as she leans back against the couch, most likely noticing that the gift says it's from Laurie and Rinny. Daddy sits down next to her and takes the bow off, sticking it on my cheek and making me giggle.

Mom rips open the paper, wondering aloud what could be inside. My sister and I have done a good job of doing something completely different for them every year. Well, since we were old enough to do anything for them.

As soon as she sees what it is, tears spill from her eyes again, and she doesn't even try to hide them. Daddy does the same. Inside is a picture, painted by Rinny last April of our family, addressed to "Mommy and Daddy." On the side she had written: "This is my family. My mom, my dad, my uncle Mark, and my twin sister Laurie." It had been drying in our Kindergarten classroom when she died, and before my teacher could give it to my parents, I had asked if I could keep it instead.

"She painted that in class last April for you, but she didn't get to take it home. It didn't dry in time," my voice grows quieter. I can tell they know what I mean.

Mom starts crying harder before holding her arms out for me again.

"It's perfect, Laurie," she whispers into my hair. Daddy wraps his arms around us as we sit huddled together for what feels like the millionth time today.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Daddy kisses my head.

"I know she wanted you to have it," I mutter, looking up at my parents.

"I couldn't have asked for anything better," Mom cups my cheeks with her hands. "I love you, baby girl."

I sigh, leaning against her chest.

"I love you too, Mommy."

* * *

**Derek's POV**

**December, 1996**

I notice Laurie falls asleep after the first hour of sitting in the car. It's mid-afternoon and she, Addison, Mark, and I are on our way up to Connecticut to visit my mom and sisters for the holiday. Normally, we look forward to this time of year, getting to spend time with family, and with my mom, whom I've always been close with, but this year I'm pretty apathetic. I honestly have no idea how I am going to feel when we stand in the doorway and are greeted by a dozen kids who still have all of their siblings, and a half dozen parents who still have all of their children.

As soon as I park in the driveway, I turn around in my seat and wake Laurie. Carrying her to the doorway, I look inside Mom's front room window - her tree is big and beautiful just like always. Addison walks quietly beside us, leaving me curious how she is going to react to the family too. Mark wraps an arm around her shoulders and I hear him whisper it will be alright.

"Oh, honey I'm so glad you're here," Mom smiles sadly, opening the door as I set Laurie down. She immediately steps forward and kisses my cheek.

"Hi, Mom," I give her a tight hug in return before she looks down at Laurie and smiles, a genuine smile.

"Well if it isn't Miss Laurie."

"Hi Grandma," she holds her arms out to Mom and is immediately scooped up.

"Hello my angel," she kisses Laurie's forehead. Mom has many grandchildren, but sometimes I could swear that my twins would always be her favorites. Then again, I'm biased.

Exchanging a quick hello with Addison and Mark, Mom carries Laurie inside. She and Addison had never been overly close, but ever since Rinny died, she has been making an honest attempt at building a stronger relationship with her. That and I think Mom's always genuinely felt sorry that Addie never got to experience that maternal love and affection that every child deserves.

"You know, you came just in time," Mom says to Laurie. "I'm baking your favorite."

"Apple pie?" She removes her head from Mom's shoulder and smiles up at her.

"You better believe it," she tickles her sides, making her giggle.

"So is everyone here?" I ask, helping Addison out of her jacket and hanging it up.

"Just Nancy and Liz. Kathleen called and said they were having trouble getting Alexander to sit in his car seat for more than five minutes without screaming up a storm, so they're going to be a little bit late." I chuckle, thinking of my youngest nephew, only two months old.

"What about Auntie Amy?" Laurie cuts in, as Mom sets her down. It's only natural she doesn't see anything wrong with asking; she doesn't know anything about my younger sister Amelia's past. As far as Laurie knows, Addison and Amy were close for a while, since Addie keeps a picture sitting on the dresser of Amy holding Laurie as a baby while she did her hair for prom. Now, my only younger sister is in med. school at Johns Hopkins. It's impressive really, but who knows how long it will last, given her history.

There's a collective silence between the five of us, and Addison looks sad again, most likely thinking about another family member who should be here, but isn't.

"She...can't make it this year, honey," I wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"Oh...but why? Isn't she in doctor school like you and Mommy were?"

"She's busy with other things, Laurie. But I know she wishes she could be here to see you."

"Oh," Laurie frowns. "That's okay I guess."

"Come on munchkin," Mark scoops her up from behind before she can protest. "Let's go see what your cousins are up to."

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in," Nancy grins, walking up to Mark.

"Nancy Pants," he grins, setting Laurie down to greet her.

"Hey loser," she hugs him.

"Aw Nance, not in front of my niece," he mocks offense.

"Your niece?! This is my niece!" She bends down and hugs my daughter tightly and kisses her cheek. I'm starting to get the feeling this is going to be happening a lot to her today. "Merry Christmas, baby girl!"

"Merry Christmas Auntie Nancy," Laurie mumbles into her shoulder.

"You know, Collin's been asking about you all day. He's really excited to see you, and I think have an excuse to get away from Amanda...she's been trying to test out her new lip gloss on him ever since this morning..."

"Eww, lip gloss is gross," Laurie giggles.

"And I think that's exactly why my son missed you so much. Go on, go say hi!" She nudges Laurie further towards the living room before Addison or I could say anything.

But as soon as she gets to the living room I hear a loud shriek of "LAURIE!" from my four year old nephew Collin, his "r's" sounding more like "w's."

I smile, a genuine smile, and wrap an arm around Addison's shoulders before heading into the kitchen.

"So how have you been, Mom?" I ask. It's been a while since I've seen her, since Addison and Laurie weren't feeling up to Thanksgiving with the family, and I didn't want to push them.

"Really I should be the one asking you that," she responds, checking the turkey in the oven.

"We're fine," I answer almost too quickly. It feels like we've spent the whole day lamenting Rinny, and I don't want to upset Addison.

"Don't you lie to me," Mom gives me a sad look before coming over to stand next to us.

"Today's been tough," Addison admits, looking down. In reality, she and my mother haven't had the strongest of relationships, but after Rinny died, things changed. Mom's been trying really hard to be there for Addison and me.

"Well, I'm here if you ever need anything, honey," Mom places a hand on her back. "A shoulder to cry on, anything."

"Thanks Carolyn," Addison gives a small smile. "I really appreciate it."

"Hello!" I hear my sister Kathleen shout from the front door; she and her family have just arrived. "Merry Christmas!"

"Oh good they made it!" Mom smiles and runs to greet her, leaving Addison and me alone in the kitchen.

Addison takes in a deep breath and looks at me. I immediately envelop her in a hug.

"We're gonna get through today, Addie," I whisper, rubbing her back lightly.

"I know," she mumbles into my shoulder before pulling back and giving me a soft smile. "I'll be okay."

Slowly, I pull her back in to kiss her; really though, I'm proud of her for making it all the way up here today.

"I love you," I whisper to her.

"I love you too, Derek."

We stand together in another embrace only moments before my sister Kathleen comes into the kitchen, Mom on her heels.

"Derek," she smiles at me before enveloping me in a hug.

"Hey Kath."

"I'm so glad you came. And Addie," she turns to my wife and hugs her too. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm…I'm okay," Addison smiles. "Glad to be here. How's Alexander?"

"Oh he's good, the little noise bag. Sometimes I swear he _wants_ me to only get three hours of sleep a night."

Addison gives a small laugh.

"Todd's upstairs putting him down for a nap before dinner, if you wanna see him before he goes to sleep?"

"No, no that's fine. I'll catch up with the little guy later."

The rest of the afternoon before dinner basically consists of children playing, adults talking, Mark being a pain in the ass, and Mom and Liz cooking. I look around and see my daughter, playing hide and seek with her cousins Collin and Susie, Liz's three year old daughter. Apparently, little Susie has been extra rambunctious lately, since she's due to become a big sister to another little girl in just two months. Watching Laurie search for her cousins, I find myself secretly hoping she's not pulling an Addison and pretending to be okay when she's not. Especially since she and Rin used to play hide and seek almost every day.

An hour later, we're all sitting around the dinner table. As usual, Mom had all of the grandchildren help set the table. Looking down, I chuckle; once again, Laurie's put the forks on the wrong side. God only knows the number of times Mom's tried to teach her otherwise. However, the dining room still looks beautiful, as always.

"Mom, you've outdone yourself once again." Sitting next to her, I lean over and kiss her cheek.

"Oh thank you, honey, you know I always – children would you knock it off!" She turns to Nancy and Mark, who are sitting next to each other and fighting for elbow room. The children giggle and almost everyone else, including myself, rolls their eyes.

"I'm staying out of this one..." Nancy's husband James chuckles.

"Yeah and she'll only knock it off when you tell us who invited this guy anyway," Kathleen cuts in, gesturing toward Mark before taking a sip of her cider and bouncing Alexander on her lap.

"Hey, I was here before you were…" Mark mutters.

"Yeah thanks to us," I smirk.

"Not really feelin' the love, are you, man?" Liz smirks.

Mark opens his mouth to reply but Kathleen cuts in again.

"Aaand before you say whatever immature remark you were going to say in front of all of these innocent ears," she gestures to the kids, "I'm going to suggest a toast instead."

"A toast?" Mom asks.

Kathleen takes a deep breath. Subconsciously, I reach down and rest my hand against Addison's thigh, and she squeezes it lightly. For some reason I have a feeling what's coming.

"Yes. I think we should make a toast...to Rinny."

Everyone is silent, and I look over at Addison; her eyes brim with tears, but if I know her like I think I do, she won't let them fall. I don't even want to look at Laurie, because looking at her might just break me. Kathleen continues.

"To the little munchkin who should still be here with us. The lovable little girl who did nothing but make us laugh..."

I feel a lump settle in the back of my throat and I clear it. Addison squeezes my hand tighter.

"And dance around in that little tutu. Christmas was her favorite time of year...I don't think I ever saw her in this house without a smile on her face," Kathleen laughs. "And now...even though she's no longer with us and our holidays or any other day will never feel the same again, our little angel will always be a part of this family."

But she'll always be with us in some way, and we'll never ever forget her. To Rinny," she raises her glass, and everyone follows.

"To Rinny."

I notice Addison mouth a "thank you" across the table to Kathleen.

To Rinny; my little angel, I miss you more than you'll ever know.

* * *

**Lauren's POV**

**December, 1996**

It isn't until after dinner is finished that I start to feel sad again, to the point where I can no longer hide it. My cousin Amanda and Aunt Nancy are just getting ready to dry the dishes when I quietly excuse myself and head to the bathroom in the dark upstairs hallway.

Locking the door behind me, I sit on the edge of the bathtub and bury my head in my hands. Aunt Kathleen's toast comes rushing back to me:

_And now...even though she's no longer with us and our holidays or any other day will never feel the same again, our little angel will always be a part of this family. _

Rinny was more my family than anyone else sitting at that table, including Mom and Daddy. Even though I'm only seven and still don't know a lot of things, I know this for sure – twins love each other before anyone else. Twins care for each other before anyone else. I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else as much as I loved – _love_ – my sister, and just thinking about that sends more tears falling down my cheeks.

After a while, I curl into a ball on the tile floor. I wonder if anyone downstairs has wondered where I am, since I've probably been gone over 15 minutes by now. It's not even that I'm sobbing uncontrollably in here, I just have this giant lump in the back of my throat that I get whenever I get sad, and I don't want any of my little cousins to see me cry.

But I don't want any of the adults to see me cry either; they'll just get that look that grown-ups always get when they feel bad for someone, or are trying to be sympathetic. And then I _know_ seeing me even just a little sad would really upset Mom and Daddy. So I'm good in here for now.

Suddenly, I hear a light knock on the door.

"Laurie, honey are you in here?"

It's Mom. Shoot. I immediately sit up, sniffing and wiping my tears so I can answer and at least sound somewhat normal.

"Um, yeah," I respond, in a voice that's far from normal. Good going.

"Are you okay?" She asks softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I take a deep breath.

"Can I come in?"

As much as I love my mom, I don't want her to come in here so we can have another crying fest.

"I'm okay Mom," I sniff again. Suddenly it hits me and I jolt my head up, looking at myself in the mirror. That's the first time I've called her "Mom" since Rinny died.

I can hear Mom sigh from the other side of the door, and I can tell she really doesn't want to go back downstairs without seeing me first.

"Please open the door, baby."

She sounds exhausted, and all of the sudden I want nothing more than to cuddle up to her. Slowly I reach over and unlock the door, twisting the knob to open it.

"There you are," she smiles sadly, as we stand in the doorway, dark hall to lit bathroom. She runs a hand over my hair.

I don't say anything. Instead I just wrap my arms around her middle and take another deep breath. Instead of returning the hug, however, she sticks her hands in my underarms, lifting me up and settling me on her hip.

"We were wondering where you wandered off to," Mom tucks my hair behind my ear. It's still in little ringlets, since she used a curling iron on it before we left. I normally hate getting anything done to my hair, but it made her happy to be able to do this for me, so I let her.

"I…after dinner I just couldn't stop thinking about her, because of Auntie Kathleen's toast, and…and I didn't want anyone to see me cry because you were all having a good time and I didn't want to ruin it," I say quietly, looking down toward the floor.

"Oh baby girl you wouldn't have ruined anything," she kisses my temple. "It's okay to be sad and miss your sister, especially today." Her voice breaks. "And…I don't want you to feel like you need to hide from me when you need to cry either, okay?"

"Even when it's about Rin?" I whisper.

"Especially when it's about Rin," she kisses my temple a couple more times. "You can always, _always_ come to me, sweetheart. No matter what."

I rest my head on her shoulder, breathing in the smell of her perfume. "Today's just hard," I mumble against her.

"I know, I know," she whispers, rubbing my back. We remain standing in the hallway. "I love you, sweetheart," she chokes.

"I love you too, Mommy."

She rocks us back and forth while patting my back lightly. I don't cry, but I feel so limp and tired against her. I almost just want to go home now and not be around all of the people downstairs anymore. I kind of anticipated feeling this way though, even before we came up here.

"I loved your present this morning, honey," Mom whispers.

"She wanted you to have it, but…but I wanted to be the one to give it to you."

"And I'm so glad you did."

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we go home soon?" I ask quietly. This is also the first time I've ever asked to leave Grandma's house. Normally Mom and Daddy have to drag me (and Rinny) out of here by the ankles.

"Yes, we can go home soon," she runs a hand through my hair. "I'll talk to Daddy. I want to go home too."

"I guess we have to go back downstairs first though, huh?"

"Yes baby, we do. But it's okay. Nobody's mad at you, and you didn't ruin anything, okay?"

I just nod as she reaches in with one hand to turn the bathroom light off.

Planting several quick kisses on my cheek, she sets me down at the top of the stairs and we walk back into the crowd together.

"I was wondering where my girls got to," Daddy says when I immediately give him a hug downstairs. "You okay, Buddy?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," I smile up at him.

"C'mon Laurie, Grandma's gonna read _The Polar Express!_" Collin runs up to me. Grandma's been reading this book to us every Christmas since I can remember. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me in the living room to sit between him and his nine year old brother, Oliver. There are pillows set up all over the floor, and people are making themselves comfortable on the couches. I swallow the lump that's come back to my throat and smile with them. I'm trying my best.

"I wanna sit on Aunt Addie's lap!" I hear Susie squeak from behind me. I turn around to look; she's running into Mom's lap.

"Hi there, baby girl," Mom smiles. But it's another sad smile.

"Aunt Addie your hair is so bootiful," Susie tells her, playing with the ends.

"She's been begging me to color her hair red for weeks," Aunt Liz chuckles before sitting down next to her husband. "It's always 'I want Aunt Addie's hair. I want Aunt Addie's hair!'"

I smile, thinking about how Rinny would sometimes wish she had Mom's hair too, like I do.

"Oh but your hair is so beautiful, Sus," Mom runs her fingers through her hair.

"But it's so..._brown_," Susie crinkles her nose.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with brown hair," Daddy pretends to be offended.

I smile again, turning back around to face Grandma, who is holding Aunt Nancy's youngest, 11 month old Haley, in her lap. I remember when Rinny and I used to fight over who got to sit on her lap when she read to us on Christmas. Most of the time neither of us actually won.

"Alright everybody, shh," Aunt Nancy says, before taking a sip of her wine. "And that includes you…loser…" she mutters at Uncle Mark and I giggle again.

Grandma starts to read.

"_Christmas eve, many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathe slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound, a sound a friend of mine had told me I would never hear._

_The ringing bells of Santa's sleigh."_

The younger kids in the room all gasp dramatically. As Grandma continues to read, I eventually start to wonder how my mother is doing again. Turning around slightly, I notice Susie is still curled up in her lap, and she's got her head resting against Daddy's shoulder. She hasn't held another kid besides me since Rin died, so I know this is probably hard for her, but she would never tell little Susie to go.

Quietly, I crawl over to where she sits with Susie on the couch, and squeeze in on her other side, next to the armrest. She doesn't say anything; instead she just wraps an arm around me and kisses the top of my head. I notice Susie curl up into a little ball on her lap, thumb in mouth. I love my little cousin, I really do, but for a moment I pretend that she's Rinny. The both of us curled up on the couch with Mom and Daddy. I would give anything to be able to have moments like those again.

"I love you, Mom," I whisper, leaning against her.

Silently, she rests her cheek against the top of my head, listening to Grandma read. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grandma look up at us – Daddy, Mom, Susie, and me.

She smiles, like she knows we're going to be okay.

* * *

**Addison's POV**

**December, 1996**

"Did you have a good day today, sweetheart?" Derek asks Laurie, as the three of us lie in his and my bed that night, lights all off. On the drive home, it had started to snow again; now, if I listen hard enough, I can almost hear the flakes against the window.

"Yeah, I did," she picks at the button of her flannel pajama top. The three of us are all wearing our flannels tonight, for comfort's sake. "Thank you for all of my presents."

I run the back of my hand along her cheek lightly, as she lie sandwiched between Derek and me with the both of us on our sides to face her. I'm the only one who knows about upstairs at Carolyn's house today…finding Laurie crying and trying to hide it. She's just like her mother; even though it makes me so sad that she thinks she has to keep her feelings to herself, I do exactly the same thing.

"And I'm glad Grandma baked the apple pie," Laurie giggles.

"Mmm you and me both," Derek laughs.

"Mommy, I've decided you need to bake more," Laurie turns and looks at me.

"Oh do I now?" I chuckle.

"Um, you might wanna rethink that, Buddy. Mommy baked me an apple pie once…let's just say tasting that was an experience I will never forget." Derek makes a face.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad!" I laugh. Really though, I thought it was good…but when I baked that pie I was…

"Yeah, that's because you were seven months pregnant and everything tasted good to you…"

He and Laurie laugh together only for a moment before there's a collective silence again, and I can almost hear the snowflakes. My babies. Even though one of them lie safe against me, thinking of her small enough to fit into my arms again makes me indescribably sad as of late. Because my arms weren't meant to hold just one baby; they were meant to hold two, forever.

"Rin would have been so proud of you today, Addie," Derek says, wrapping an arm around Laurie and me and pulling us closer. "I know I am."

"What…what do you mean?" I ask, trying to hold back tears for what feels like the hundredth time today.

"I'm proud of you too, Mommy. I mean…I didn't think you would have wanted to go to Grandma's house today, but you did," Laurie answers. "And you let Susie sit in your lap."

Behind Laurie's head, Derek leans in to kiss my forehead and I wipe a couple of tears that got the better of me.

"But I'm sure…I'm sure she was watching over you today too, baby girl," I say to Laurie, sniffing back more tears. "I swear, you two and Christmas…"

"Mom, we already talked about that this morning," Laurie rolls her eyes.

"Yeah Mom, come on," Derek jokes, and I playfully shove his arm off of me.

"Hey, I never said I didn't love every single minute of it," I whisper, kissing Laurie's temple as she lay on her back.

Suddenly Laurie yawns and turns to snuggle against Derek's chest. I can't say I'm surprised at all that the poor thing is worn out.

"Oh Laurie stop, you're contagious," Derek yawns before kissing Laurie's forehead and wrapping an arm around her and me again.

"But I'm tired, Daddy," she yawns again. "I can't help it."

I chuckle. "Goodnight, sweetheart," I wrap an arm around her middle.

"Merry Christmas," she mumbles into Derek's shirt.

Once Laurie's asleep, I look up at Derek. He's still awake too.

"I really miss her Addie," he whispers to me, eyes glassy. He runs a hand up and down my back. This is the first time he's gotten emotional in front of me all day.

"Honey…" I lean forward slightly, to not disturb Laurie, and kiss him. "I miss her too."

"This might sound crazy but sometimes I think I can really feel her, you know? Like she's still here with us," Derek runs a hand through my hair, careful not to wake Laurie.

"I…I like to think she's always with us in some way," I look down at Laurie's sleeping figure. "Especially today. Derek, I…I'm glad we were together today."

"There's nowhere else I would rather be," his voice breaks. I'm so glad he knows this now.

I place a hand on his cheek. "Merry Christmas, Derek. I love you."

He turns his head to kiss the palm of my hand

"I love you too, Addison."

With one last kiss, we settle down for the night. Arms around one another, and our little girl sandwiched in the middle, I feel as though I could finally fall into a peaceful sleep.

_Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night_.

* * *

**Reviews are always welcome :) **


	12. First Day of School

**A/N: So I originally wasn't going to publish this one, it was just going to be a one shot of fluff/smut/inner Addison turmoil that lived in my documents forever, but then the actual Word doc. became 22 pages and I figured what the heck. It's of Addison's first day back at med. school, around 8-9 months after having Laurie and Rinny (Derek, Mark, and Naomi, etc. are all third years). But don't judge it by that summary...it's kind of cute. Hope you enjoy! And thanks for reading! :)**

***The middle of this chapter is rated M***

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**First Day of School**

**Addison's POV**

**August, 1990**

"I can't believe tomorrow is my first day back at school after almost nine months," I sigh, sitting next to Derek on the couch as one of my eight month old babies, Rinny, sits on my lap, sucking on a teething ring. Subconsciously I hold the little girl tighter against me, one arm wrapped around her belly, and place a kiss on the top of her head. She has her father's dark curls already.

"I know, me either," Derek looks down at Laurie, our other eight month old, who is fast asleep against his chest. "But mostly because I can't believe they're almost nine months old already. It seems like yesterday we found out you were pregnant."

"Tell me about it. They're getting so big already...aren't you baby girl?" I coo at Rinny. She tilts her head back to look up at me and smiles.

"Maaa," she babbles. Rinny's such a mama's girl, I'm convinced "mama" is going to be her first word; now I can only hope I'm around to hear it, thanks to school. I grin at her and rub my nose against hers, surprising her enough to make her sneeze. Derek and I laugh.

"Are you nervous, to go back?" Derek asks. "I mean, I still think you're brilliant and you're gonna do great, but if you're nervous and want to talk about it, I'm here."

I rest my cheek against his shoulder. "No, I'm not too nervous to go back; I've been in med. school before, I know what to expect. To be honest I'm more nervous about leaving them alone for the first time. This will be the longest I've ever been away from them..." I stroke Rinny's arm as she gnaws on her teething ring some more.

"Addie, you're still an amazing mother, even if you go back to school."

"It's not that, it's just...what if they need me and I'm not there? What if they say their first word or take their first steps, or God forbid they get hungry, and I can't..."

"Honey relax," Derek kisses the top of my head. "We interviewed probably every nanny in the city; Abigail will be great. She has almost 10 years of experience, the girls really took to her, and you'll only be gone about five hours a day. They're not going to starve, that's why you've been pumping and bottle feeding for the past month, and they'll still love you just as much when you get home as they did when you left." Derek wraps his free arm around my shoulders, the other holding Laurie to his chest.

The truth is, Laurie has taken to the bottle very well, and doesn't mind if it's bottle or breast, just so long as she gets fed. I'm still breastfeeding Rinny at least once a day; she loves the physical contact and it's been difficult for me to wean her off of that, since I've been home every day. Needless to say, I'm more nervous to leave this little one in my lap alone tomorrow.

"I know you're right, I do, but when I got pregnant, I thought the hard part would be staying home and taking care of two babies at once. Now I can't imagine doing anything else." I kiss Rinny's head again. "They made it easy for me."

Suddenly, Rinny drops her teething ring as she lets out a long yawn.

"Looks like someone's finally getting tuckered out," Derek chuckles.

"Yeah," I laugh, cradling Rinny against me as she closes her eyes. "Laurie can sleep through anything; it's this one I have to work everything around." I rub Rinny's tiny back gently as she coos off and on quietly.

"Well I guess we know which one's gonna the obedient twin," Derek kisses Laurie's head of ginger hair.

"Noo," I coo at Rinny. "They're both good girls. Laurie's just more…laid back. I think they'll grow up to be best friends – their personalities complement each other."

"We should probably start thinking about bed ourselves," Derek whispers as Laurie stirs against him, her little hands curling into fists. "Big day tomorrow."

"Mmm," I sigh, not wishing I could just stay curled up here with my husband and two babies forever.

"I love you, Addie. You're going to do great tomorrow, I know it." Derek tilts my chin upward to face him and kisses me on the mouth.

"I love you too, honey."

Silently we get up, each carrying a baby, and make our way upstairs to the girls' nursery.

"Could I see Laurie for a minute?" I whisper, adjusting Rinny so I'm holding her with one arm. Derek hands me my smaller girl.

"There's my ginger baby," I coo at her. "Well girls, this is your last sleep before Mommy has to go back to school tomorrow. What do you think? You think tomorrow will be fun, getting to play with Abigail?" They both continue to snooze against me, not even fazed by what I said.

"But I promise I'll be here when you wake up in the morning," I kiss their little heads before putting them in their respective cribs. When they were both really little for the first month or so, we had them sleeping together, but we stopped as soon as they both put on a few pounds.

"And Mommy will be here if either you wake up crying in the middle of the night," Derek jokes, leaning over to kiss each girl's forehead.

"Oh ha ha," I roll my eyes and wrap my arms around him from behind, the both of us standing in front of Laurie's crib. I look down, watching my daughter's chest rise and fall with each breath.

"We should get to bed," Derek turns and wraps an arm around my shoulders again.

Quickly, I kiss the inside of my index and middle finger and press them lightly to Laurie's forehead. Derek and I quietly leave the bedroom, my head against his shoulder, trying not to stress too much about tomorrow.

A half an hour later, Derek and I lie side by side in bed. I can't tell if he's fallen asleep yet as I stare up at the ceiling wide awake; slowly, I place my hand on top of his.

"Honey, you need to get some sleep," he mutters, startling me. "You have a big day tomorrow."

"Hey so do you," I turn and look at him. "First day back after summer break."

"Yeah but I was working in the lab five days a week. You're coming back from a much longer break. You're going to be amazing Addie, but only if you get some sleep..."

"Derek, am I a bad mother?" The question slips out before I can stop it.

He turns onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. "Addison, what on earth would make you ask such a question?" He places a hand on my cheek, rubbing soft circles with his thumb.

"I don't know...what if I go back to school and get so busy I don't have any time for them anymore? What if I become absent and work-obsessed when they grow up, or cold, like my mother? What if...what if they end up hating me?" My eyes well up at just the thought of that last question.

"Addie," he whispers, pulling me into his arms and kissing just under my eyelid to stop a tear from falling. I bury my face into his neck, dropping a few light kisses. "Our children could never hate you," my husband comforts me; I just nod. "They'll be proud of you. You're going to become a doctor."

"I just hope you're right," I sigh.

"I know I'm already proud of you," Derek holds my chin up so I'm looking at him again and kisses my lips. "Our children are lucky to have you as their mommy. And trust me, you're nothing like your mother," he makes a face and I laugh.

"Thanks," I give him a genuine smile. "And I think our kids have a pretty good daddy too."

"He tries his best," Derek moves a hand to my back, rubbing it lightly.

"I think I'll keep him anyway," I smile, and lean up to kiss him. Feeling his lips against mine, I let out a soft moan and before I know it, I'm wanting more. I could probably count on two hands the number of times we've done it since the twins were born almost nine months ago; first, I wasn't able to for eight weeks, and then after that one of us was almost always too tired. Needless to say, we've become masters at cuddling.

But tonight would be good; I'm stressed and nervous and he's…we'll he's Derek. He knows how to make me feel better.

"Hmm honey, are you sure you want to this," he mutters against my lips.

I respond by kissing him again lightly, slipping my tongue into his mouth as he rolls on top of me.

"Everything's going to be okay tomorrow," Derek mumbles against my skin, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck and collarbone.

"I know," I say quietly, tilting my head back and moaning as he starts unbuttoning my shirt and leaving light kisses on my breasts. I run my fingers through his hair gently. For a moment I feel self-conscious; even though I'm only 23 and we've made love since the twins' birth, my body's changed. And yet, Derek being Derek, he he's somehow able to read my thoughts and tell me exactly what I need to hear.

"You're beautiful, Addie," he whispers, pulling back to look me in the eye. "Let me take care of you tonight."

I kiss him, with every ounce of love for him I have in me, before clothes are shed and I feel him do just that – take care of me – as he settles in between my legs; entering me, filling me completely.

He begins to thrust into me, slowly and carefully, making me reach back with one arm and grab at the headboard. Immediately he makes me feel safe, protected, and loved. And I know that I never want to be with anyone else for as long as I live.

Derek cradles me against him as we come together, moaning each other's names.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I moan, taking a breath between each word, as he kisses my neck and down to my chest.

"I love you…"

I run my fingernails up and down his bare back. "I love you too, so much."

He remains inside me as we lie tangled together, catching our breath. He tucks a tendril of hair behind my ear lovingly as I press my forehead against his. The blue in his eyes is so bright, my little red-headed baby is lucky to have inherited them.

Catching him by surprise, I roll us over so I'm on top, straddling him. I smirk as I feel him grow hard again almost immediately.

"Seriously?" He raises an eyebrow up at me.

"I can't help it if I'm in the mood now…" I whisper seductively, leaning down to kiss him as I move my hips over his, to become one once more.

* * *

The next morning I swear is one for the books…as the worst morning of my life. Because scheduling with his course load, Derek had to sign up for an early morning class, so by the time I start pacing around the living room holding both babies, he's been gone for two hours. Abigail is due to arrive any minute, and I'm a nervous wreck. I still have no idea how I'm going to say goodbye to my little girls, who are babbling away at each other playfully.

I remember taking extra special note of Derek's goodbye to them a couple hours ago:

"_Be good for Abigail today, girls," he holds them and kisses their little cheeks, making them giggle. "Daddy loves you so much!"_

He's so used to this though. Not that he's an absentee father, but he's basically been studying and working since they were born, not including over Christmas breaks. I on the other hand have only been studying from home, with a baby on my lap. For some reason, holding them and saying "Mommy loves you so much!" is not even near good enough, because I don't want to leave them at all.

"Mommy loves you so much," I whisper to them as I rock back and forth slowly. Laurie places a little hand against my cheek.

"Ooo bah," she babbles. I laugh.

"Oh really?" I respond, kissing her pudgy hand.

"Maa," Rinny makes the same noise as last night as I sit down on the floor with them, letting them crawl around my lap.

"I am your mama, Rinny," I stand her up next to me. "I am your mama." Pulling her closer, I blow a raspberry on her cheek and she laughs. That cute little baby laugh I'll be craving all day.

As if on cue, I hear a car pull up in the driveway. Abigail, our nanny, is here. Scooping Laurie and Rinny into my arms again, I stand up. I leave lingering kisses on each of their heads, letting their scents relax me, knowing the goodbye that's yet to come.

A mother of twins, I've become a master at opening a door while holding two babies, which is exactly the first words that come out of my mouth upon greeting Abigail. In return I'm greeted with the same warm smile and calm voice I got to know during the interview.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Abigail asks, as if she can sense my nervousness.

"I'm…I'm okay."

She gives me a look.

"Okay, I'm a nervous wreck. But Derek and I trust you, and it's only five hours," I sigh.

"Honestly, I've been doing this for so long I'd be a little concerned if you weren't nervous. It's perfectly normal the first time, but I can guarantee you these little munchkins are in good hands," Abigail smiles and tickles Laurie's little belly, making her laugh.

"Hello Laurie baby," Abigail coos, picking her up. Already my arms feel empty without her. "Oh you're so beautiful, look at you."

"Boo?" Laurie looks up at the girl with wide eyes.

"Yes you, beautiful girl."

I smile, watching them. Really, I know my kids are in good hands and I'm just being one of those clingy new moms, but this is the first time and it's rough.

"And little Katherine." She turns her attention to Rinny, who's resting her head against my shoulder like she knows I'm about to leave.

"We like to call her Rinny. I'm not sure if she'll even respond to Katherine just yet," I laugh.

"Oh right, I remember you mentioning that."

"I think…I'm gonna run upstairs and grab my bag and what not, I'll give her to you when I get back. I think it might be a little harder on her than miss motor mouth over there." I gesture to Laurie, who's still trying to talk to Abigail. It's clear to anyone that Rinny is so much more attached to me than her sister is.

"You just do whatever you need to do," the nanny smiles. "Laurie and I will just stay down here and have a little talk, won't we?"

"Aaah baa," Laurie giggles, trying to grab Abigail's nose.

I laugh, walking up the stairs with Rinny, when I hear Abigail's "hey you got my nose!"

"Today's a big day for us, sweetheart," I tell Rinny as I pick up my bag, hooking it over my other shoulder. Suddenly, I feel a lump make its way into my throat. "But we're both gonna have to be extra brave, okay?"

"Bahh," Rinny smiles up at me.

"Mommy's only gonna be gone for five hours, and your sister will be here with you the whole time. You're gonna be okay, Rin."

"Maa…mama," she smiles again.

I almost drop my bag on the floor. Rinny just said her first word. Instead I just squeeze her tighter and allow a couple of tears to spill over.

"Yes baby girl, it's mama," I smile, leaving kisses all over her cheeks.

"Mama!" Rinny laughs, thinking it's a game. It would be too, if only I didn't have to leave her in five minutes.

"I love you so much little one."

"Eye eye oo, mama," Rinny copies.

"We're gonna have to go downstairs soon, baby. Mama has school today, and you…you get to stay and play with Abigail."

"Souu?"

"Yeah, honey I have school."

I kiss her head one more time before taking her back downstairs.

"You'll never guess what happened," I say to Abigail, who's sitting on the couch with Laurie.

"What?"

"Rinny just said 'mama.'"

"Seriously? Addison that's amazing!"

"Yeah, I was standing in the bedroom with her, and she just…said it," I'm smiling like an idiot.

"Such a smart little girl you are, Rinny," Abigail stands up with Laurie and tickles Rinny.

"I should probably get going…you're sure you know where everything is?"

"I remember this house like the back of my hand. You're all set, soon-to-be-doctor Shepherd."

"Remind me to give you brownie points for that," I joke. Reluctantly, I had over my curly haired baby to her. Since she can still see me, Rinny doesn't fuss.

"Well hi there," Abigail smiles at her. "Remember me? Abigail? We're gonna have so much fun today, little girl."

If I thought my arms felt empty earlier, it's nothing compared to now. Reaching into my purse, I grab hold of my car keys; I almost want to get out there faster so my girls don't see me cry.

"Alright little ones," I force a smile, talking to my daughters. "I've gotta go to school now. But you two be good, and I'll be home really soon."

I kiss each of their foreheads.

"Mama…" Rinny touches my face. It's all she wants to say this morning.

"Mama will be back so soon, baby," my voice breaks.

"Ooo ma!" Laurie laughs as I wave goodbye to her.

"Derek and I will be back at three," I tell Abigail. She nods.

"We'll be just fine. Have a great first day! Call if you need anything, and I've got car seats if for any reason we need them," she reassures me.

"Will do. See you in a few hours."

I adjust my bag and walk out the front door, not wanting to look back for fear of bursting into tears. After a moment, however, I realize my daughters have beaten me to it. Even through the closed door, I can hear a symphony of crying, and it takes all that I have not to run back in and keep them cradled against me all day.

I know they're okay, they're not sick, they're not hurt; this is just new. I have a feeling Laurie will stop soon, once Abigail does something to amuse her. It's her sister I'm worried about, the little girl who never _ever_ lets me out of her sight. Sometimes she even cries when Derek holds her instead of me.

As soon as I start my car and make it down to the red light at the end of the street, I lean my head against the steering wheel and sob for my little girls. I am an extremely clingy mother, I realize that, but maybe that's because my own mother never gave two shits about where her little boy and girl were, that was the nanny's job. No, this is my job. The best job I have ever been chosen for, and yet here I am.

After a minute, the car behind me honks; the light turned green. Wiping my eyes quickly, I drive off toward Columbia, making a mental note to find my husband, ASAP. I could really use a hug.

* * *

"Hey stranger!"

An excited voice breaks me from my daydream, naturally, of my daughters still at home with the nanny.

"Naomi," I smile up at my best friend, whom I haven't seen in a few weeks.

"It's so good to see you back here! We've missed you." She pulls me up into a hug, then takes the desk next to mine. The both of us are taking an anatomy class together. Despite being a semester behind everyone else, I studied enough at home with the twins to test into most third year classes like everyone else. Lucky me.

"I've missed you too, Nai, really," I give a small smile.

"Still thinking about the girls?" She places a sympathetic hand on my arm.

"Haven't thought about anything else all day," I sigh. "It's been two hours and I feel like I've abandoned them."

"Look, I imagine Derek's already given you this spiel a hundred times, but just in case, Addison you have _not_ abandoned your children; you're becoming a doctor! Now how many new mommies can say that?"

"Not many I guess," I smile sheepishly.

"Exactly. Your girls are going to be proud of you; you're making something of yourself. You and your husband. And hey, you and Archer grew up with nannies, and you both…well _you_ ended up just fine."

"Very funny," I laugh. "But thanks. It's actually disgusting how many times I've needed to hear that recently."

"Well I'll tell you as many times as you need."

"So how are things going with you and Sam?" I ask, changing the subject before I can start crying again.

"Okay, I'm not a hundred percent sure yet, but I think I'm getting introduced to the mother this weekend," Naomi suddenly looks nervous.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Sam mentioned something casually the other day about making a trip home and then he asked me to come with him. But like I said it was casual, so I don't know if we're actually going yet or not."

"Oh god, I remember meeting Derek's mother for the first time…"

"And? How did that turn out?"

"I'll let you know when I figure it out myself. At first I thought she hated me for stealing her only son, but then she was never like openly mean about it, and then I got pregnant and she immediately went all gaga for her granddaughters. So I can't really tell if it's me she likes, or if she's only faking it because of the twins."

"That…sounds way more complicated than I ever want to deal with," Naomi muses.

"My advice? Meet the mother then wait a solid five years to have his baby. I didn't really have that option once the stick turned blue," I chuckle.

"I'll definitely keep that in mind…then double check my birth control prescription…not that I don't love my little goddaughters of course."

"Don't even worry, I understand. I would give anything not to feel like the worst mother in the world right now," I look down at my desk, thinking of the girls, wondering if Rinny's doing okay.

"I'm sure when you see their smiling faces in just a few short hours, all will be forgotten."

"I just hope you're right…" I sigh, as the professor walks in. "However, I _don't_ hope you're right about this professor being a total ass. I don't think I could handle that _and_ leaving my babies all in one day."

"Hey all I said was I had this guy last term, and he was a royal pain in the you-know-what. Maybe the summer changed him…"

"Ha, don't sound so convincing," I roll my eyes.

"Alright students!" Our professor, Dr. Kammerling, shouts to the lecture hall. "Take out a pencil and paper, let's start this term off with a pop quiz!"

Great.

* * *

After a long and tedious first day, I'm finally on my way home from school, following Derek's car with mine. Luckily on Mondays we end at the same time – sort of like a double surprise for our kids, and nice for me since I don't really get to see him (or Mark for that matter) during the day. I'm so excited to see my babies I could almost jump out of my skin.

As soon as we both park and get out of our cars, Derek comes over to me and pulls me into a kiss.

"Did I mention I was proud of you yet?" He kisses me again.

"I think you may have mentioned it once or twice," I smile.

"Well I'm going to keep mentioning it until it sinks in," he smirks, giving me a third (and a fourth) kiss on the lips. "Oh and hey, Mark said he might stop by in a couple hours – and by might I mean there's like a 99 percent chance – he says he as a story for you."

"Great," I groan. "Can't wait to hear who this one is…" I grab my bag and follow him to the door.

"How do you know it's a someone?"

"Seriously, do I even need to answer that?"

Derek thinks. "No, no you don't."

I smile again, but that smile soon fades, for as we walk closer to the door, the first thing I hear is the sound of crying. Having spent over eight months with the twins, I can tell their cries apart no problem; this one is Rinny, and for some reason that doesn't surprise me.

When we walk in, I notice Laurie lying peacefully on her belly on a blanket in the middle of the floor, gnawing on a teething ring. Just as I had suspected. On the other hand, Abigail is trying (and failing) to calm a crying Rinny by bouncing her around the living room, as I had done this morning. However, the first thing I notice is that Abigail is now wearing one of my shirts.

"Oh hi!" She says to us, trying to stay calm for the crying baby in her arms. "Rinny, shh, look there's Mama," she points to me and I immediately drop my bag and hold my arms out.

"Oh, baby girl what's wrong?" I cup her head to my chest as she continues to let out small sobs. "I'm home; I'm right here, you're okay."

Derek averts his attention to Laurie, going to sit on the carpet with her.

"She's been crying like that for an hour," Abigail says quickly. I kiss the top of Rinny's head, already ingraining the feel of her in my arms again. "I tried to feed her, I changed her, sat out in the back yard for some fresh air, I even took her temperature just in case – it was normal – but the only thing that got her to calm down a little bit was…was putting on your shirt," she finishes, biting her lower lip. "She smells you on it and it…helped her calm down a little. I won't go through your clothes again, I promise."

I rub Rinny's back slowly; her cries have gotten smaller.

"That's okay," I tell Abigail. "I know you were just trying to help her. You're more than welcome to use my clothes if it makes her feel better. I kind of expected this from Rin anyway; she and I are close…huh?" I look down at my daughter.

Abigail exhales, almost like she thought I would yell at her for using my stuff. "You're right about Laurie being laid-back though, she's an angel. They're both angels, Rinny just realized you were gone again, and…"

"Abigail, really, it's fine," I smile, just happy to hold my baby again after a long day. "I'm gonna take Rin upstairs for a little bit, but I'll see you tomorrow? Same time?"

"Same time," she smiles. "Thanks, Addison."

I walk Rinny up the stairs and into the nursery. She's still making little crying noises with each breath.

"Shh baby girl, I'm back, Mama's back," I sit down in the rocking chair with her and rock back and forth slowly. "I know…I missed you too." She curls into a little ball against me as I cradle her, looking up at me. Really though, if I could have cried my way through the last hour of school, I would have too.

"Hi sweetheart," I smile down at her, rubbing my nose against hers. I run the back of my index finger over her soft cheek, wiping away her tears, just as she reaches up to grab it. "Rinny…what's wrong? It's Mommy." I kiss her forehead again.

It occurs to me suddenly that she may want to be fed. I read in a baby book before the twins were even born that sometimes infants can use breastfeeding as a coping mechanism when they're stressed or craving physical contact, and my older girl has been a prime example of that thus far.

Prying my hand away from her small fingers, she starts to cry again as I unbutton my shirt and tuck her inside against my bare stomach.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I whisper, touching her cheek.

"Sweetheart…" I coo, trying to get her to latch on. After a moment she does, placing a small hand on my chest as she starts to nurse. I let her pudgy fingers wrap around mine as we rock back and forth.

"I'm so sorry Rin…I promise this will get easier on both of us," I look down at her. "But I'll always come home to you, baby, no matter what. I love you and your sister and your daddy more than anything else in the world; I'll always be here for you."

I lean my head back against the wooden chair and exhale as Rinny continues to nurse. I feel so bad for my little one; today must have been hard on her. But even if I wasn't going to med. school, I know this day would have had to come sooner or later, and she won't grow up resenting me for it. Honestly she might even like the alone time when she's a teenager…whoa back up. I refuse to think about my babies as teenagers until the last possible minute.

After a while I start to doze, my finger still caught in my daughter's little hand. It's not until about a half hour later when I'm awakened by her pulling her mouth away.

"Feel better, little one?" I kiss the side of her head after bringing her up to my shoulder to burp her. Patting her back lightly, I wonder what Derek and Laurie are doing downstairs. I figure he probably assumed Rinny needed some down time, so he's waiting for us to come back.

I think Rinny and I both needed some down time with each other after today.

"Mama…" Rinny mutters, hiccupping and closing her eyes.

"Mama's right here baby," I whisper, rubbing her back. The poor thing is tuckered out. I hum contentedly and drop a few more kisses on her head before carrying her back downstairs. Normally I would leave her in her crib to sleep, but there's no way I'm putting her down any time soon.

"She doing okay?" Derek meets me at the bottom of the stairs, holding Laurie.

"Yeah, she's okay," I move a hand to Rinny's back again. "Long day."

"Abigail told me Laurie said her first word today," Derek smiles.

Shoving aside the feeling of wanting to curl up and die because I missed my other daughter's first word, I smile back.

"You did?" I leave multiple kisses on her cheek, making her giggle. "What did you say, Miss Laurie?"

"Momo," Derek grins.

I exhale. At least it wasn't a real first word, something like "mama" or "dada."

"Apparently Rin had been saying 'mama' all day, and Laurie was trying to copy her."

I laugh.

"Oh, and since you went upstairs we've been working on something that we need to show you," he carries Laurie back to the blanket on the living room floor and I follow. "I swear this child is a genius."

He sits down on the floor with his legs out in front of him, and places Laurie on the blanket.

"Okay Laurie, wanna show Mommy what you can do?"

I sit down crisscross next to my husband, cradling a sleeping Rinny against my chest.

Derek holds his arms out for Laurie to grab on to.

"Daa," she smiles up at him, before using his arms to get herself into a standing position.

"She can't walk or anything yet, but watch this," Derek holds her up by her underarms only for a moment before letting go. He keeps his hands next to her, but otherwise, she's standing up completely on her own, at nine months old.

Suddenly, before Derek can catch her, she falls back onto her bottom. I expect her to cry, but instead she just looks up at us and says…

"Ooop."

Laughing, Derek scoops her up and showers her little face with kisses.

"Daa," Laurie laughs as he settles her on his shoulder, facing me. "Maa," she reaches out for me.

"Is that my talented baby girl?" I take her hand. "It seems like one of you had fun today…"

"Abigail said she was an angel. They read two books together, and Laurie wanted to turn the pages."

She reaches her hand out for her sister and me again, and I stick my face in it so she can grab my nose.

"Wwin," she babbles. "Wwin!"

I think she's trying to say her sister's name.

"Did she just…?"

"Was that…?" Derek and I ask at the same time.

"She's trying to say Rinny's name," I smile. "And Rinny's asleep. Figures."

"Maybe later when she's not napping, sweetheart," Derek says to Laurie, who's reaching over to Rinny.

"Aaand we get to do all of this again tomorrow," I sigh, as Rinny grabs my finger again in her sleep. "And the next day, and the next day…I don't know if I can do it."

"It'll get easier with time," Derek kisses my temple. "For you and for them."

Laurie sticks her left thumb in her mouth and leans against his chest.

"I think we could all use a nap," he whispers, standing up.

Still refusing to put Rinny down, Derek and I take the twins to our bedroom and lie down side by side, a twin on each of our chests.

"Hey, hun?" I nestle my head right by his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being so supportive."

"Addie, you're my wife and these are my children. What concerns you always concerns me, and I'll always be there for you."

I press a kiss to his shoulder. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too, Addie."

* * *

**Reviews are most welcome :) Hope you liked!**


	13. A Lazy Sunday

**A/N: Hey all, so I wrote this a couple weeks ago with no intention of publishing it, but consider my mind changed. I'm about halfway through chapter 31 of "Finding Our Way" right now, and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to finish/publish because finals are coming up again in about three short weeks. (Nooo!) So I thought I would give you all some fluff to read whilst I'm finishing school/trying to finish 31. I hope you enjoy, and thank you so much for sticking with me! :)**

***The end of this chapter is rated M***

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**A Lazy Sunday**

**Addison's POV**

**August, 1995**

"Mommy? What's so great about soccer anyway?" Rinny asks me.

The two of us lie on our stomachs side by side on a blanket out in the backyard lawn barefoot, dressed in tank tops and shorts; Rinny's just finished reading to me the last few chapters of the Nancy Drew novel she had been working on. It's the middle of summer, a hot day, and Derek and Mark took Laurie to the park to kick around the soccer ball.

"To be honest? I couldn't tell you," I laugh. "But your daddy, uncle, and sister sure love it."

"But why?" Rinny makes a face, closing the book. "It's so dirty and you hafta run all the time!"

"Well, honey, the most I can say is we all have our favorite things. You like ballet, Laurie doesn't. She likes soccer, you don't; sisters don't always have to like the same things."

Rinny sighs, and looks at me with those big blue-green eyes. "Do you think Daddy wishes I could play soccer too? Does he like Laurie more than me because I can't?"

"Now what on earth would make you ask that?" I turn on my side to face her and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and run my hand through her dark curls.

"I don't know," Rinny shrugs. "I just think that sometimes."

"Honey, look at me." Rinny turns on her side and looks into my eyes again. "Your daddy loves you and your sister more than anything else in the world, and he loves you both the same. He would never _ever_ think any less of you because you don't like the same things that he does, you hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you," she sighs again.

"I don't necessarily love all of the things that Daddy does, but he still married me," I smile.

"Like what?" Rinny asks as I wrap my arms around her.

"Umm, like soccer, and umm…Daddy loves tent camping and I mean I'll go but it's not my favorite thing in the world, Daddy likes brains and I think brains are icky…" Rinny giggles at this.

"Mommy, he has to like brains, he's gonna be a brain doctor!"

"That he is, sweetheart," I smile.

"Do you want me to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy?"

"Baby girl, when you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be," I give her light Eskimo kisses before pressing an actual kiss on her forehead. "Just as long as you're happy, that's all that matters. And I'll always be proud of you no matter what."

"Well…I'm happy now. Can I just stay here with you forever?"

I laugh, kissing her again. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you ask that, but honey, I think you'll feel a little differently once you grow up a little bit more."

"But what if I don't?"

"Then you're more than welcome to stay with me."

"Thanks," she smiles. "I love summer. I wish it could be summer all year." Rinny stretches out her legs, curling her little toes, fresh with pink nail polish from this afternoon.

"But if it were summer all year, we couldn't have snow on Christmas!" I feign shock.

Rinny ponders this for a moment. "Okay, I wish it could be summer all year, and then we could have a week of snow for Christmas. Mommy, I think we should move to Hawaii."

"Hawaii?" I laugh.

"Yeah, because then it would be summer all the time, and we could come back here for Christmas and stay with Grandma."

"Oh I don't know Rin, I think Grandma might miss you too much if we moved."

"She could come visit…"

I laugh again. "I think I'm gonna have to talk to Daddy about this one…"

"Thank you for reading with me today, Mommy," Rinny looks up at me.

"I would read with you any day, baby girl," I smile, looking down at her. She presses her forehead into mine, cupping my cheeks with her hands. I give her a quick peck on the lips and she giggles.

"Mommy did you know your eyes look like mine?" She stares right into me.

"Hey, young lady, your eyes look like mine! Who gave birth to whom, here?"

"Well, still…you're very pretty, Mommy." Rinny responds with more Eskimo kisses. I'm truly blessed to have such a sweet little girl, I think to myself.

"And _you_, my baby girl, are beautiful," I touch her cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too, Mom. But I still think we should move to Hawaii."

"Tell you what, if you're a really good girl, maybe someday soon we can go there," I tap her nose with my index finger.

"Really?!" She grins.

"Yes really," I tickle her sides, making her giggle some more.

"Mommy!"

I laugh as we roll around on the blanket, my hands glued to her sides, tickling her.

"Stop it that tickles!" She laughs.

I blow a raspberry on her cheek and she shrieks. I love playing with Rinny; hearing her laugh is the perfect medicine.

"This sounds like fun out here," I hear Derek from the sliding glass door. Rinny tries to catch her breath as I release her and sit up, sitting crisscross, only to find my little ginger girl running toward me.

"Hi Mom," she smiles, plopping down into my lap.

"Hey baby girl," I kiss her temple as she sits sideways on my lap. "How was soccer?"

"It was fun. Daddy beat me and Uncle Mark the first time, but then we kicked his butt the second time!"

"Laurie," I laugh at her choice of words.

"Well we did..." she smiles sheepishly.

"Our baby is a regular pro," Derek smiles proudly, sitting down next to me and holding his arms out for Rinny.

"Is she now?" I kiss her cheek, running my hand up and down the side of her bare calf gently; although barefoot, her legs still have the markings from her shin guards. "I'm proud of you," I whisper into Laurie's ear. She looks up at me and smiles, kissing my cheek.

Scratch that, I'm blessed to have _two_ sweet little girls.

"So what did you two girls do today?" Derek nuzzles Rinny's cheek and she giggles. Her father's twin.

"Rinny read four chapters of a Nancy Drew book to me, we painted each other's toenails, umm..."

"Mommy said we could go to Hawaii!" Rinny squeals.

"Really?!" Laurie grins up at me.

"Mommy said what now?" Derek smirks at me.

"Rinny suggested we move there because it's summer all the time," I poke Rin's belly playfully and she squirms. "I said if she was a good girl _maybe_ we can go sometime."

"Soon!" Rinny finishes. "You said soon."

"Can we go tomorrow?" Laurie asks.

"Honey, tomorrow's Monday, Daddy and I have to go back to work and you two get to play with Abigail."

"Maybe Abigail will take us to Hawaii tomorrow," Rinny whispers to Laurie, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You mean you'd leave Mommy and me?" Derek fakes being hurt.

"You said you have to go to work!"

"Addie, what do you think about sending these two little rascals to work and _we_ go to Hawaii tomorrow?"

"Hmm, I think I like that idea," I press a kiss to his cheek.

"Ew, Mommy!" Rinny makes a face.

"What 'ew'?" I chuckle.

"You just kissed Daddy. Kissing is gross!"

"Yeah kissing is gross!" Laurie pipes up from my lap.

"Rin, you think kissing is gross? I kiss Mommy all the time!" Derek smiles at me.

"And I kiss you two all the time," I bend over and leave multiple quick kisses on Laurie's cheek.

"But boys have cooties," Rinny folds her arms across her chest.

"Daddy's a boy, does Daddy have cooties? If so then you're sitting in his lap, you might get them too," I smirk.

"She's just saying that because Andrew Fallick tried to kiss her when we had a play date with him and his sister the other day," Laurie giggles.

Immediately I notice the color drain from Derek's face.

"He did what?" He asks a little too defensively.

"Derek," I shoot him a look, trying to keep overprotective Dad at bay. He always jokes about how he's going to have to buy a gun when the girls are teenagers because let's face it, the both of them are already heart breakers. But something tells me this is a pretty innocent situation.

"Nothing!" Rinny turns pink.

"Katherine," Derek looks down at her.

"Derek!" I nudge his arm.

"I didn't even want him to, Daddy, okay?!" Rinny's eyes well up with tears before she runs inside. Derek only ever calls her Katherine when he's mad at her. This time, even though I know he has good intentions and just wants to protect her, I can't help but shoot him a serious glare before Laurie gets up and runs after her.

"What? He tried to kiss her," Derek looks at me incredulously.

"Oh for god's sake Derek they're five years old!" I throw my hands in the air. "Don't you think you're over reacting just a little? She thinks you're angry with her now!"

He's silent.

"You're _not_ seriously telling me you're angry with her?"

"No, I'm not," he says quietly. "It's just she's my little girl and I was not expecting this so soon."

"She's my little girl too, honey, but you know she's going to grow up one day, and if you want any sort of good relationship with her you're gonna have to figure out how to listen to her talk about boys without going off the deep end," I place a hand on his back, rubbing it slowly.

"I know. But why did it have to be now?"

"Hey, look on the bright side, at least she hated it," I grin.

"Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have reacted like I did. But still…did it have to be _now_?"

"I think it did…as a test run for you," I wink before kissing his cheek. "You should probably go say to our daughter what you just said to me, before she drowns the house in her tears."

"I'm sorry, Addie," he says as we stand up.

"I know," I cup his cheeks with my hands. "And I really do love you for being so protective of our girls, but just…tone it down a notch."

"I'll try my best," he smiles before kissing me on the lips.

As soon as we get upstairs I hear Rinny crying in her bedroom and Laurie trying to talk to her.

"I don't think Daddy meant to get mad," Laurie says to her sister.

"But he called me Katherine and gave me the look!" Rinny cries. Derek takes a deep breath beside me before knocking on their door.

"Rin can I come in?"

There's silence on the other side.

"Please, honey?"

"O-okay," she sniffs. I follow Derek inside. Laurie sits on Rinny's bed, leaning against the headboard, while Rinny has her head in her lap. I feel my heart melt just a little from the sight; my little angels.

"Sweetheart, we need to talk about what just happened. Could you come sit with me for a minute?" He holds his arms out for her; Rinny wipes her eyes and sits up, letting her father pick her up. He sits down on Laurie's bed and settles her on his lap.

"Honey you know I just react like that about boys because I love you so much and I never want to see you get hurt," he kisses her temple as she leans against his chest. I make my way over to Rinny's bed to sit next to Laurie. She rests her head against my stomach as I slouch down, wrapping an arm around me as I rub her back.

"But why did you yell at me?" She asks, her eyes growing big.

"I was wrong to yell at you, baby. You may do things that make me need to yell sometimes, but this was not one of them. I was wrong. Can you forgive me, sweetheart?"

"Yes, I forgive you Daddy."

Derek squeezes her tighter. "Can you do me a favor though, Rin?"

"What is it?"

"When you grow up into a beautiful young lady, I don't want you to be afraid to come to me about boys, okay?"

I feel my eyes prickle at this.

"And that goes for you too, Buddy," he looks up at Laurie. "You two can always come to me, okay? And I won't get mad."

"You…you promise?" Rinny sniffs.

"I promise," he kisses her forehead.

"I love you, Daddy," Rinny wraps her arms around his neck in a hug.

"I love you too, baby."

* * *

"Five more minutes, girls!" I call into the bathroom later that evening. The four of us had eaten dinner out in the backyard too, enjoying the nice weather. Now the both of them are taking a much-needed bubble bath.

"But Mom, the bubbles aren't even gone yet!" I hear Laurie yell in between giggles.

"Oh but nothing, it's almost your bedtime," I stick my head in the door. However, after seeing the both of them together, I bust out laughing. They've given each other bubble mustaches and beards. "You two…" I laugh.

"What's so funny, Mommy?" Rinny grins. "We grew beards."

"Derek, come up here and see this! And bring the camera."

A moment later Derek hurries in, camera in hand.

"What is it – oh man…" he smiles at the sight before taking a picture. "This is going in the photo album as potential blackmail for when they're teenagers."

"Alright my little bubble babies, time to get out," I sit down on the toilet, holding their two towels to dry them off.

"Aw Mom…"

"Ah ah, no whining," I tell them.

"Fine," Laurie dunks her head under the water to get rid of the bubbles before stepping out of the bathtub.

Immediately she starts shivering from the temperature change.

"Mommy I'm cold," she shivers, crossing her arms over her chest. I hold the towel out for her and wrap her up tightly, kissing her little cheek.

"Better?" I ask.

"Yeah, that's better."

"Now go get your jammies on," I pat her bottom on the way out. As soon as she reaches the hallway, however, I hear a shriek from my little girl, and then Derek laughing.

"Daddy!" Laurie squeals; Derek must have snuck up on her and is carrying her to her bedroom. I chuckle to myself.

"Alright Princess Katherine, it's time to get out," I turn back to Rinny, who's chin-deep in the water.

"But it's cold out there," Rinny shakes her head.

"Oh come on it's not that bad, and I have your towel right here," I hold it up.

Rinny shakes her head again.

"Rinny, please. It's almost your bedtime."

My stubborn little girl just keeps shaking her head. As much as I hate to admit it, Bizzy was right – my children didn't stand a chance against my stubbornness gene.

"Okay then," I stand up, towel in hand. "I guess I'll just have to leave you in here…all night long…" I walk slowly toward the door, moving to turn the light off and leave.

Rinny shrieks. "No Mommy!"

I turn around, holding open the towel. "Okay then."

Rinny stands up and I immediately wrap her up to keep her warm. "Now there's just one more thing…"

"What?" Rinny asks.

"This!" I quickly pick her up and throw her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Mommy!" Rinny laughs.

"Does anyone know what I can do with this heavy sack of potatoes?" I ask as we walk down the hall. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" He steps out of the twins' bedroom, trying not to laugh upon seeing me.

"Do you know what we should do with this giant sack of potatoes? I was thinking maybe we could leave it out in the garage, you know we don't really have space for it in the house…"

Rinny giggles, kicking her little feet back and forth. "I am not a sack of potatoes!"

"Addison it talks!" Derek looks surprised.

"Yes I can talk because I'm not a potato!"

"Oh my gosh!" I adjust her in my arms. "You're right! It's my baby girl," I leave quick little kisses on her cheek.

"It was me all along, Mom," Rinny rolls her eyes.

"No way," I kiss her again before putting her down so she can get into her pajamas.

"You think you're so funny!" Rinny calls from her bedroom. Derek and I laugh as he walks over and pulls me into an embrace.

"So, I have some ideas of what we could do tonight after the girls go to sleep, if you're up for it," he whispers seductively, kissing just below my earlobe.

"Mmm," I hum as he gently kisses my neck. "Maybe if you're a good boy and go brush your teeth and get your jammies on…I'll think about it." I wrap one arm around his waist while the other sneakily moves further south, grazing his crotch. Derek squirms.

"Addie!"

"What? I'm just giving you a little preview," I shrug innocently.

"God I love you," he kisses me on the mouth.

"Eh, I'm pretty fond of you too," I smile into the kiss.

"Daddy can we have a bedtime story?" Laurie calls from her bedroom. "Please?"

"Oh I think that could be arranged, Buddy" he keeps an arm around my waist as we walk in the twins' room. They're both in their jammies and snuggled together in Laurie's bed. Once again, another scene that melts my heart. We used to not let them sleep together, but then we realized that no matter how many times we kept them in separate beds they'd always end up together; and they love each other so much, who are we to keep them apart?

"What are we reading tonight?"

"Umm…Alice in Wonderland?" Rinny asks.

"Alrighty then," Derek grabs the book, sitting on the floor leaning against Laurie's bed.

"I also know of two little girls who still need their hair combed. Here…" I crawl into bed with them, resting Laurie between my legs to braid her hair. Derek starts to read.

"Be careful, Mommy," Laurie turns around and whispers as I work on her French braid.

"I know, honey," I kiss her little nose and she scrunches up her face. So cute.

"Daddy? What's a mome rath?" Rinny asks as I work on her hair.

"It's a made-up character, sweetheart, like this," he points to the picture in the book.

"Oh…so I can't have one as a pet?" Her face falls.

"Tell you what, maybe someday when Mommy and I aren't working as much we can get a pet, and you can name it mome rath," Derek tells her jokingly.

Rinny thinks for a moment then nods, okay with it.

"Or maybe my little brother will be here by then," Laurie yawns. Derek and I pause and look at one another – neither of us were expecting that.

"Noo I don't want a little brother!" Rinny turns to her, resting her head against my side. "Brothers are smelly."

"Hey," Derek turns around and pokes her little belly. "I'm a little brother, you know."

Rinny giggles. "No Daddy you're not a little brother you're a daddy!"

"But Aunt Nancy, Kathleen, and Lizzie are my big sisters."

"Ohhh," Rinny nods. "Mommy, are you having a baby? Lots of kids at our school's mommies are having babies."

The truth is, Derek and I have been trying off and on for a year. But with work and everything, a lot of times we're too tired to have sex let alone think about another baby. I do want one though, and now hearing this from the girls (and from Laurie again) makes me ache for a little boy even more than last summer.

"I um, I'm not sweetheart," I run my fingers through her hair. "Not yet anyway. You two are my only babies."

"But we're not babies anymore," Rinny counters as Laurie, still resting between my legs, falls asleep against my chest. I keep an arm wrapped loosely around her middle.

"I know, I know you're not babies anymore, but you'll always be _my_ babies, and Daddy's."

"Oh," Rinny yawns again. "I guess that's okay then."

I chuckle.

"Can you read just a little more, Daddy? Please?"

"Okay honey, but it's almost bedtime, your sister's already asleep."

Rinny looks over at Laurie before leaning in and giving her a kiss on the forehead. I could almost cry, seeing how much these two love each other.

"Good night, Laurie," she whispers.

I hold Rinny tighter to me as Derek reads again, kissing her head, lingering a little to smell her apple shampoo.

"I love you, Katherine," I whisper into her hair.

She looks up and smiles, giving me an Eskimo kiss before yawning again and snuggling into my side.

After he finishes the chapter, Derek decides to call it a night as both twins are asleep.

"Out like lights," he chuckles, putting the book back on the shelf.

"I know, I don't know if I'll be able to get out of here."

"Here," Derek gently picks up Laurie so I can stand up and rest Rinny's head against the pillow.

"Let's leave them together," I whisper. "They wanted to sleep together tonight."

"Well okay," Derek lays Laurie back down on the bed before tucking them both in and kissing their foreheads. "Goodnight girls. Daddy loves you."

"Goodnight my angels," I lean in and kiss them both before they cuddle up with each other.

"We're so lucky, Derek," I whisper as we watch them sleep cuddled up together.

"Yeah we are," he kisses my temple. "And I can't wait to do it all again with you, Addie. That is, if you want to do it again. I'm perfectly happy with two kids, but if you want to keep trying, then…"

"Yeah I wanna keep trying," I smile, turning to face him. "I'd be happy with either, but honestly I want a son just as much as Laurie wants a brother."

"Well okay then," he smiles back. "I'd say we have a deal."

* * *

"Hmm, honey what happened our actual bed?" I mumble in between kisses. After putting the twins to bed, Derek and I wound up back in the backyard, sandwiched between two blankets. The fire in the fire pit crackles in the background, and two glasses of red wine each sit half-finished.

"I just thought this seemed a little more…spontaneous," he grins, lying almost completely on top of me. Neither of us is naked yet, but at the rate we're going it won't be long.

"Spontaneous it is," I chuckle. "Let's just try not to wake the neighbors okay?" I stifle a moan as he leaves kisses all over my collar bone.

"Hey now, you're the loud one," he breathes.

"I so am not!"

"You so are…"

"Okay, you know what…" I flip us over. "I so won't be the loud one tonight," I whisper, smiling against his neck before dropping kisses all over. Slowly, I reach down and push off his pajama pants, before snaking my hand down inside his boxers, stroking his now very present erection. I feel him grow even more in my hand.

"Oh God…" he moans as I begin massaging him harder, but not too hard since I want this to last.

I suck at his neck just as lightly, sensing his anticipation. He continues to let out moans with almost every breath as my thumb caresses his tip.

"Still think you won't be the loud one?" I smirk.

"Addison…God…I'm almost…"

I roll on top, kissing his bare chest as I rub him harder yet again. Derek tilts his head back, taking deep breaths.

"Almost there, babe?" I whisper right below his ear lobe.

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to kiss me full on the lips as he comes into his boxers, whispering 'I love you' over and over as he finishes.

"Have…have I told you lately that I love you?" He catches his breath, taking off his boxers completely then moving his hands to my waist underneath my shirt.

"Why yes, Rod Stewart, I believe you have," I giggle as he rolls on top of me. Slowly, I pull my top off, leaving me half naked and him completely.

"Seriously, Addie, you're the most incredible woman I've ever met."

"Ha you're just saying that because I just gave you an incredible orgasm," I mumble against his neck, kissing him.

"No, babe I mean it. You're amazing. I've always thought you were amazing…at everything. In school, at work, as a mother, a doctor…I just, I'm so in love with you, Addison Shepherd. And I'm so glad you're mine," he takes one of my nipples into his mouth suddenly, sucking lightly before leaving kisses all over my breasts and massaging them. I let out what probably won't be my last moan of the evening.

"I can't wait to have more babies with you, to watch our babies grow up, to grow old with you…"

I feel my eyes prickle as I start to take deep breaths, his kisses feeling like heaven to my body.

Suddenly, I want him so badly it hurts. I want him inside me. Pulling him up to look at me, I smile.

"I want you. Right now."

Before I know it my pajama bottoms are coming off and my husband and I are making love right there in the backyard. Wrapping my legs tight around his waist as he thrusts into me, I feel whole; Derek completes me. I can tell I'm going to have to hide a hickey on my neck at work tomorrow, as Derek's been sucking on one spot in particular for the past few minutes.

Reaching down, he uses one hand to massage my breast while the other gently rubs my thigh, pulling it higher up his back for a new angle.

"Oh God, Derek…" I moan as he thrusts deeper.

"Do you know how good it feels to be inside you, babe?" Derek mutters against my skin. He and I don't normally talk very dirty to one another when making love, so this is a little new, but a turn on nonetheless I must say.

I let out breathy moans in response, feeling myself get closer the deeper he enters me. My nails scratch his back lightly, as he brings his mouth back up to mine, kissing me passionately.

A few more thrusts and I know I'll be sent over the edge.

"Derek…oh Derek…" I breathe. "I'm so close, just…" I feel my muscles tighten around him, and he moans in response, calling out my name over and over. A moment later I feel him come again inside me; I place feather light kisses on his neck as he finishes, filling me completely, keeping me whole.

He keeps thrusting into me slowly as we both ride out our orgasms. I rub his back gently, just loving the feel of him so close. He remains inside of me after we both finish, resting his head against my chest as I hold him on top of me. He goes to move, but I object; I love the feeling of him, completing me.

"No stay," I run my fingers through his curls, my legs spread widely enough for him to remain between them.

"That was incredible," he breathes, pressing kisses to my chest.

"You're incredible," I respond.

"I think I might just be even more in love with you now, Addison Shepherd," he looks up at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I run my hand along his cheek tenderly before pulling him up to kiss him, moaning as he shifts inside me.

"Do you think we made another baby?" I whisper.

"I sure hope so," he kisses me. "But you know, just in case…" he kisses me again tenderly before thrusting again, teasingly slow.

"Honey…" I breathe.

"We don't have to go again," he reassures me.

"No, no, you do not get to do that and then tell me we're not going again. Nice try, mister," I smile, kissing him passionately, letting my tongue slip into his mouth. I feel him grow hard again as he cradles me against him, thrusting slowly, lovingly, like there's no one else in the world he would rather be with.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the fluff :) Thanks so much for reading!**


	14. Let's Talk About Sex

**A/N: So, just gonna throw out there right now that the idea for this one shot was inspired by LoveandLearn. So I'm dedicating it to her. And I think the title is pretty self explanatory. Hope you like! :)**

***the beginning of this chapter is rated M***

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**Let's Talk About Sex**

**Addison's POV**

**February, 2002**

Shivering slightly, I shrug off my jacket and unfold my scarf from around my neck as I walk through the front door. It's the middle of February, and let's just say the groundhog has made it pretty clear there's going to be six more weeks of winter. It's so cold outside I swear it'll start snowing within the next five minutes.

Yawning, I slowly head up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to fall back into bed. They never tell you in med. school just how tedious nine hour surgeries can be, especially ones that are unplanned and start at five in the morning. I figure Derek's still holed up at the hospital; it's rare that either of us gets off work before 5pm. And Laurie's at school…finally, the house to myself.

Pushing open the door to my bedroom, I feel my eyes start to droop almost immediately upon looking at my bed. However, I'm distracted suddenly by a male figure walking out of the bathroom, wet, and dressed only in a towel wrapped around his waist.

Almost involuntarily my eyes scan his muscular chest, the few drops of water still clinging onto his skin.

"Oh hey," Derek smiles up at me. "I didn't know you were getting off early today."

"Oh, um, yeah nine hour surgery, then the boss told me to head home for the day, just like I thought," I kick off my shoes inside the closet. "What are you doing home?"

"Surgery got bumped to tomorrow. Decided to call it a day after doing rounds with the residents. Man, I'll tell you one thing I don't miss are those 36 hour shifts…"

"You're telling me," I respond, turning around to face him again. My eyes do another once over of his muscular chest, the light stubble on his chin…

"What?" Derek grins, noticing me staring.

"What?" I snap out of it.

"You were staring," he smirks, sauntering closer to me.

"I was not staring," I laugh. "I was…thinking…and you just happened to be in my line of sight."

"Oh yeah what were you thinking? Maybe about how…devilishly handsome your husband is?" Still wrapped in a towel, he wraps his arms around my waist, dropping light kisses on my neck.

"Mmm," I moan softly, closing my eyes. "You smell good…"

"You know that _is_ why people take showers, Addie," he mutters into my neck.

"Oh is it now?" I retort.

"So…Laurie's still at school for another two hours, we both have the afternoon off; it's been a while, what do you say we…" he leaves more kisses down my neck, hands reaching up to untuck my blouse from my skirt.

"Well honey I was actually thinking of taking a nap," I whisper, suppressing another moan – I'll admit, the man has good hands and talented lips. "So tired from the surgery…"

"Hmm I think I can have you forgetting about being tired in just a minute," Derek smirks, pressing his lips into mine. After a moment I feel myself getting lost in the kiss. He's right – it's been almost a month since we've done it – and here he is, all smiley and smelling good and…naked…

Unzipping my skirt, I pull it to the ground just as Derek drops his towel and picks me up. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him hard, letting my tongue slip into his mouth.

"Have you forgotten yet?" He whispers into the kiss, pulling back the sheets and leaning me back onto the bed.

"Yeah, yeah I think so," I nod, gasping as he pulls away my shirt, kissing my breasts.

"Good," he grins up at me. Slowing things down a bit, I place a hand on his cheek, bringing him up to kiss him again. I can already feel him hard against my inner thigh as my clothes are shed; my husband is officially the greatest distraction ever.

* * *

**Lauren's POV**

"Don't forget to ask your mom about this weekend!" My best friend Hannah shouts at me from down the street as I head up the steps to my front door.

"I won't!" I call back to her, taking out my key to unlock the door. "See you tomorrow!"

Shutting the door quickly to avoid the cold getting in, hang up my jacket on the rack and immediately blow on my freezing hands. Looking around, I notice the house is empty. I don't normally get out of school at this hour, but today was an early release day (where we get out an hour and a half earlier than usual). Mom had left a note this morning saying she had a long surgery to do but would probably be back home by now, and yet, I seem to be alone.

"Mom?" I call out downstairs. No answer.

Walking upstairs to drop my bag in my room, I call her name again. Still no answer. Her bedroom door is closed; maybe she fell asleep.

Pushing her door open slightly, I call out her name again quietly.

"Mom? Are you in…"

But immediately I stop in my tracks, shrieking. Yes my mother is in her bedroom, but apparently so is my father. Naked. On top of her. And I'm old enough to know what I just walked in on.

"Oh my God!" I shout, turning around as Mom finally realizes she's been walked in on, and by her daughter for that matter. She gasps, pushing Dad off of her as he mutters something along the lines of "what's going on?"

"Hey, honey what are you doing home so early?" She pants, sounding surprised. I can hear Dad taking deep breaths next to her. I want to gauge my ears out with a spoon. And my eyes. And my entire existence.

"It was an early release day," I breathe, just wanting to get out of my parents' room. "I came looking for you because I needed to talk to you about something this weekend but I'll just…go and you can…I'm gonna be in my room."

Running down the hall back to my room, I push the door shut and make a gagging noise. Picking up Winston, my stuffed bear since I was three, I tell him "Winston, you are so lucky you don't have parents. Ew ew ew."

* * *

**Addison's POV**

"Oh God…" I cover my face with my hands, lying next to Derek.

"Did you even know she was gonna be home this early?" He asks, getting up to find clothes.

"I think I remember her saying something about an early release and then I mentioned it in the note I left her this morning but then after the surgery I just totally spaced it. Oh God…" I groan, flipping over and burying my face into my pillow.

"Honey, relax," Derek rolls his eyes. "Sure it was embarrassing but I'm sure there are worse things in life than walking in on your parents…"

"Oh really? Name one," I scoff.

"Umm how about listening to your parents fight all the time? Or not having your parents around at all?"

"Okay, okay point taken," I mutter. "But Derek she's only 12; she and I haven't even had 'the talk' yet and I don't know how much they're teaching her in school."

"You really wanna go have 'the talk' with her now?" Derek laughs, throwing me a shirt and pair of jeans.

"I feel like I have to! I mean what if she has…you know, questions…" my voice grows quiet.

"I think the only question she would have now is why she decided to open our bedroom door in the first place," Derek chuckles.

"Derek this is so not funny!" I swat him across the arm. "How would you feel if you were her right now? Would you seriously be saying there are worse things than walking in on your parents?"

"Okay fine, go talk to her," he throws his hands up in defeat.

"Well…maybe you should be there too, you know just to have a guy's perspective…"

"Addie I'm not sure I'd be the best example for that," he zips up his jeans. "I barely had the guts to talk to you when we met, remember?"

"But still you were a teenage boy once; there has to be _something_ you could talk to her about."

"The only thing I'm concerned about with respect to our daughter is scaring off any guy who even so much as looks at her. If I have anything to say about it she won't even make it past first base before she's 40," Derek mutters.

"Aww look at you being all protective." Now fully clothed, I stand up to kiss him again, smiling against his lips. "You know, I always wished I could have grown up with a daddy like you," I touch his cheek.

"Well as much as I appreciate that babe, if you had grown up with a father like me that means you'd be living under lock-down because you're so," he pauses, kissing me. "Beautiful. And that means," he kisses me again. "That I never would have gotten laid in the first place. So we can't have that." He smirks as I swat him across the arm again.

"You're a funny man, Derek Shepherd," I roll my eyes as we exit the room, in search of our daughter.

* * *

**Lauren's POV**

I lay on top of my bed, nose in a book and music playing in my headphones to try and erase the scene I just witnessed from my mind. Sure, I _know_ parents have to have sex – otherwise kids (including myself) wouldn't be here – but I like to think of it instead like Rinny and me were delivered by stork and my parents exist as priests and nuns. Denial is fun, for sanity's sake.

After a while I hear a knock at the door through my music. Pulling my headphones off, I sigh. "Yeah?"

"Hey honey," Mom pops her head in the door. "Can we come in for a minute?"

"Sure," I respond, sitting up crisscross.

She and Dad both come in, Dad sitting at my desk while she curls up next to me on my bed. Dad looks really uncomfortable, mouthing "I'm sorry" to me before Mom can even say anything. I give him a confused look in return.

"Laurie, I…we just, we wanted to know if you have any questions about, you know, what you just saw…" Mom stammers, looking at me like she doesn't want to have this conversation, but she knows she has to.

"Mom it's okay, I know what sex is," I reassure her, meanwhile making Dad look like he just aged about 10 years. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, no I want to," she swallows. "I know that we've never really…" she makes hand motions for emphasis. "Talked about it and as far as I know you haven't started your period yet." She says "period" in the same way that she usually says words like "root canal," like it makes her nervous.

"Um, no I haven't. But when I do you'll be the first to know," I chuckle, trying to loosen the tension. Dad still looks weird. "You know Daddy you really don't have to be here to talk about this."

He sighs in relief and then immediately tries to hide it, making me chuckle again. "You're sure, because if you have _any_…"

"No, it's fine. Really," I smile. He stands up and kisses my forehead, and with a quick "thank you" is out the door, ignoring Mom's glare.

"Don't be mad at him," I tell her. "I feel like this is kind of a girl thing anyway, since you just _had_ to bring up the period thing," I finish emphatically.

"I don't know," she sighs. "It's just we've never talked about any of this before, I mean really talked, and I want to make sure you're okay with…with everything…"

"Every sixth grader is required to take sex ed. in school. Believe me, we've watched 'the video' already," I use air quotes around "the video." "It wasn't a big deal; and I'm not like ready to do it or anything…"

Mom exhales. "Boy am I glad to hear you say that," she scoots closer to me and kisses my temple.

"It was just like educational stuff," I finish. "I mean I haven't even…been _kissed_ yet," I admit.

"Oh sweetheart I wouldn't even be worried about that yet," she wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. "You'll have plenty of time to be kissed later in life."

"Oh really? Because I'm pretty much the only girl in school with untouched lips," I look down.

"What makes you say that?" She chuckles.

"I don't know; just seems that way sometimes. Hannah's always talking about this guy she's got a crush on Caleb, and how he kissed her outside the gym locker room, and then other girls all have boyfriends or whatever," I mutter. "Sometimes it makes me feel different, like I'm ugly or something."

"Lauren Maureen, you are one of the two most beautiful girls I have ever seen. I don't want to hear any more talk of ugly," Mom tucks a tendril of hair behind my ear. "Your first kiss, your first boyfriend…those things should be special. You just haven't met the right person yet. But it'll happen, I promise."

I sigh as Mom runs a hand up and down my arm.

"And your first time…having sex, should be special too. With someone you really love, and who loves you."

I make a face, remembering the scene I walked in on earlier.

"Honey, I'm sorry you had to walk in on your dad and me," she says. "If we had remembered you were going to be home early we wouldn't have…well you wouldn't have had to walk in on us.

"Well I appreciate you at least waiting until I'm out of the house."

"There was one thing I've been wanting to tell you though," she continues. "Your daddy, he wasn't my first, and I wasn't his." I shudder again, which doesn't go unnoticed by her. "Laurie, just hear me out on this, okay? I know I'm your mother and it's 'gross,' but I want you to know that I love your dad more than anyone else in the world, except you and…and Rin. I trust him completely, and I let myself build that trust before making the decision to sleep with him. My first time wasn't exactly pleasant…I can remember all of the details. Kinda wish I couldn't…"

"That bad?" I look up at her.

"No," she shakes her head. "Just not good. Good came later. And then _really_ good came."

"Mom," I make a face again.

"Sorry. My point is, you should wait until you find someone who really loves you, and who you can build that trust with. Your dad and I, we just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Yeah I know."

"And I'll always be here if you need to talk too…about anything," she adds.

"Thanks," I smile up at her.

"Love you, baby girl," she kisses my head.

"Oh, but could you just…maybe not call me that for a little while?" I look up at her sheepishly.

"What?" She chuckles. "You're my baby, why wouldn't I call you that?"

"It's just right now, I think baby I think sex I think sex I think…you know…"

"Right," she agrees. "In that case, I love you _Laurie_," she kisses my head again.

"Much better," I laugh. "I love you too. But I think maybe we should go find Daddy now, just to make sure he hasn't run away."

"Mmm good idea," she nods and we both get up off the bed and head downstairs. "Oh, what did you want to talk to me about for this weekend?"

"Oh, Hannah's family is going camping upstate and she wanted to know if I could come. She said it wouldn't be as much fun with just her brother since he's only two…"

"So long as you think you can get all your homework done for Monday I don't see why not." My parents know Hannah's family really well.

"Thanks, Mom," I give her a hug, the both of us standing on the staircase.

"Just means I'm gonna have to miss you all weekend," she mutters against my head.

"Yet somehow I think you'll survive," I roll my eyes jokingly.

"But what if I don't?" She calls after me as I head downstairs. "What if I suddenly keel over and you come home wondering why you ever left me in the first place?"

"Mommy, seriously!" I laugh, spotting Dad in the living room.

"So is my little Buddy's innocence lost yet?" Dad asks as Mom and I walk in.

"Nah, still innocent," I grin, plopping down on his lap as he sits on the couch. "Whatcha watchin'?

"Red Sox/Yankees reruns. Wanna watch?"

"Duh," I laugh, curling up on his lap. He kisses my temple.

"I think you two are seriously the only Boston fans within a hundred mile radius of this place," Mom chuckles, sitting on the couch next to us.

"Eh, a part of me only does it to piss off Mark," Dad admits, making me laugh. "Buddy just does it because she loves her daddy."

"That, and how many Red Sox onesies did you make me wear as a baby?"

"Touché," Dad nods.

"So," I lean my head back against his shoulder. "What do you think our chances are of catching a foul ball this season?"

* * *

**Reviews are always welcome :)**


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